Interconnectedness

A few months ago I read Ceremony, by Leslie Silko, for my book group. It centers on a Native American boy who fights the Japanese front in WWII and comes back home to his Laguna tribe with severe post-traumatic stress disorder and survivor's guilt. When all other avenues fail, he turns to the ancient ceremonies of his people to heal his mind, and finds that his journey is one that he doesn't take alone: his actions link him both with his people and those he fought during the war.

One of the themes deals with the interconnectedness of everything in the world. This is, of course, a well-documented philosophy among many Native American tribes, but the book took things even a step beyond man's relationship with the land to man's relationship with man. What we do affects our families, our communities, the Earth itself, and by extension, people in every corner of the Earth. I am an environmentalist for precisely this reason, and am happy to be supported by the teachings of the Church.

Our lives as wealthy Westerners are FULL of consumption and waste. How many garbage bags do we throw away each week? Think of how it increases at Christmastime, or whenever we throw a party. The very act of consumption requires waste: 1. we are replacing something that is used/broken which must be discarded, 2. the packaging around our new acquisition must be discarded, and most importantly, 3. production of anything produces massive amounts of waste, and this is a part of the cycle over which we have very, very little control.

Here's a question, and a challenge: We often donate used clothing items to Goodwill, right? Are we also shopping there? My two favorite household items came from a thrift store, as did my coffee maker, bedroom furniture and many of my picture frames. Of course, there are many things you simply can't buy at the Salvation Army store. Underwear, obviously. And sometimes you need an item that isn't available there, like a dress for a wedding or a pair of kahkis or, in my case, Ugg boots to protect my Raynauds-afflicted toes from wintry weather. What matters is that we make the effort to search thrift stores regularly for those things we need, rather than relying on Target, Walmart, Kohls or ToysRUs. Even those discount stores contribute to the overconsumption that is the root of so much waste and materialism.

This is a struggle in our culture. I do not make light of the pressures that assail us from every direction to consume, consume, consume. Our children beg for new toys, while the hundreds that they already own lie strewn about the house. Our parents criticize our wardrobes or hint that we "need" another appliance. Our friends re-do their kitchen and suddenly we notice how cramped our own is. A new season begins, and we are embarrassed to see our growing kids running around in pants that end above their ankles.

I've been struggling for a long time with a call to give up makeup. *gulp* I just don't know if I can do it. I am very sensitive about my looks. I thought maybe I'd give it up for Lent one year and see if that frees me, but then every Lent I decide I should do something else instead, because I am a coward. A vain, insecure, coward. It is a lot easier for me to limit my shower length, shop at thrift stores and re-use plastic bags than to leave the house without doing my face. I am praying about this, and working towards it. If it's truly what God desires for me, I pray He will give me the strength to embrace the challenge...someday. Was it St. Augustine? "Lord make me chaste, but not yet!"

In the meantime, I repeat to myself: Do what you can. When I'm tempted by the King Arthur's Flour catalog and all their beautiful pans, mixes and gadgets, I say, "This I can do." I can resist purchasing a scone pan. Hooray! When I'm tempted to go out for dinner because I'm just tired and don't want to cook, I say, "This I can do." I can cook a meal for my family. Yippee!

It works with kid stuff, too. When I'm confronted for the eightieth time one day by a string looped across the hallway as part of an Indiana Jones game, I say, "This I can do." I can duck under or untie the string to walk past without getting mad at the kids. Huzzah!

Some of you are perhaps farther along on your walk towards simplicity, humility and counter-culturalism. What are your tips for reducing waste, consumption and vanity in this crazy, materialistic society we inhabit?

May Intentions

The Holy Father's general intention for this month is one of those issues that sits very heavily on my heart. I feel such pain for those poor souls who suffer slavery of any kind, but especially those girls who are kidnapped and kept as prostitutes. I can hardly even think about it, which makes me all the more troubled that there are those who have to do more than think: they must live it.

Our Holy Father prays this month:

That the shameful and monstrous commerce in human beings, which sadly involves millions of women and children, may be ended

.

I have researched this subject quite a bit, and prayed on it, and wondered how I can contribute in my small way to ending this blight on our human soul. While making a donation to an organization that works against human trafficking would be an ideal step, it's something that's very difficult for me to do, given the constraints of my situation. I do have some money, but the amount I'd be able to donate (around $20) seems like a drop in the bucket. I want to do more. It's also the main point of this blog to connect my everyday life to the lives of others, particularly those who are suffering. What can I do, as a SAHM of two children, to help those who are victims of human trafficking?

1. Raise the issue.
Simply as a function of my status as a stay at home mom, most of my conversations with my friends revolves around our kids, our husbands, and local events. I can do my part to make sure people know about the problem of human trafficking. I can mention an article I read in Marie Claire, specify our Holy Father's monthly intention before praying a group Rosary, wear a Common Thread ring or an anti-slavery t-shirt, or suggest my book group read Not For Sale. I can teach my children about slavery, in an age-appropriate manner, and help them understand how fortunate they are to be free. In short, I can look for opportunities given my by the Holy Spirit to share this issue with people who may be interested in learning more. As long as I do not lecture or push the subject past the point that people are willing to listen, there is no gathering where it would not be appropriate to take these poor with me.

2. Promote a Global Identity
The Church has been consistent in Her teaching that social justice is part of our duty as children of God, and also that the makeup of our global society can create situations of great injustice for which we must take responsibility. In other words, our choices here in America affect not only those we come into contact with, but people thousands of miles away whom we will never meet. It is not enough to care for myself and my family, I must care for the whole world. The more I understand about the complex machinery of international trade and globalization, the more I am able to make good choices that promote a culture of respect and preserve the humanity of everyone on Earth. This is a difficult concept to communicate in only a few sentences, but it is the foundation of my worldview and the reason I launched this blog.

3. Promote the Theology of the Body
Here's something more concrete! Many of the victims of human trafficking are young women and girls who are sold into brothels or to individual families as something between a concubine and domestic servant. I can't write here about how heartrendingly awful their lives are. The Marie Claire article in #1 above has a good overview. Sex slaves have been an unfortunate part of the human experience for as long as we have had a history, and it may seem there is very little I can do to change a culture so twisted that it would allow such atrocities. But I can. For one thing, I can use Natural Family Planning. The very nature of NFP is that it asks couples to deny their instinctual yearnings and instead focus their energies on love, mutual sacrifice, and non-sexual intimacy. In conjunction with the Theology of the Body, this teaching promotes the now nearly-laughable idea that men and women can control themselves and that sex is neither a right nor a recreation. We may not have cage brothels in my town, but we certainly have a culture where sex is not valued as it ought to be. My example may help others embrace the concept of self-giving through abstinence. In addition, times of abstinence can be difficult for couples. When it is difficult for me, I can offer up my feelings to God, asking Him to bring comfort, freedom, and healing to a woman trapped in slavery.

4. Promote Education
One of the causes of human trafficking is a lack of opportunity for those in poverty. In many instances, people are promised a job and then taken instead into a life of slavery. Sometimes, families sell their children because they have no other source of income. I have long believed that the key to eradicating poverty and oppression lies in education. It is not only a matter of job-training, although that is critically important, but also in allowing ideas to permeate a culture where, too often, hate and division have been predominant. Donating used books and school materials, volunteering at my kids' schools, and supporting my local library are all good ways that I can promote education right in my own neighborhood.

5. Advocate for Better Laws and Systems
While some aspects of human trafficking can get caught up in other issues, like immigration or reproductive rights, most legislation is thoroughly bipartisan. The Trafficking Victims Protection Act of 2000 passed the Senate unanimously. Catholic Relief Services has an Action Center where you can sign up to receive email alerts when relevant legislation needs your voice. I find it incredibly helpful to read the Bishops' position on pending legislation, not only to inform my conscience with the wisdom of Church teaching, but also because, frankly, I just don't have the time to research all the possible issues myself. Even when the government doesn't act upon our suggestions, we have at least made our position known. The more voices call out for justice, and the louder we shout, the more our elected officials will listen.

6. Pray

We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone. See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people. Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

-- Thessalonians 5: 14-18

PRAYER TO END TRAFFICKING

Lord of freedom and love, we are saddened to know that more than one million people are trafficked into slavery each year.
Our hearts grieve for what our minds can barely comprehend, particularly when we hear of women, men, and children who are deceived and transported to unknown places.
We recognize this sexual and economic exploitation occurs because of human greed and profit.
We are sorrowful and our spirits angry that human dignity is being degraded through deception and threats of force.
Help the violators to be transformed and enlightened to realize the scope of their unjust actions.
Allow them to see the value and the dignity of every human person.
Lord of Life, strengthen those whose hearts have been broken and lives have been uprooted.
Give us the light, grace, and courage to work with you so that we can all participate in the goodness of creation.
Fill us with the wisdom and courage to stand in solidarity with the victims so that we may all enjoy the freedoms and rights which have their source in your Son and our Lord Jesus Christ.

-- Adapted from Franciscans International and a prayer by Sr. G. Cassani, SSND

If you wish to learn more, or if you feel moved to help financially or otherwise, you can also visit the following websites dedicated to fighting human trafficking.

The Polaris Project: http://www.polarisproject.org/
The Somaly Mam Foundation: http://www.somaly.org/
Human Trafficking: http://www.humantrafficking.org
Catholic Relief Services: http://crs.org/public-policy/trafficking.cfm
The Human Trafficking Project: http://traffickingproject.blogspot.com/
Franciscans International: http://www.franciscansinternational.org/
International Justice Mission: http://www.facebook.com/InternationalJusticeMission (main page not loading for me, so I'm linking to their Facebook site) Thanks, Ruthanne!!
Project Exodus: www.project-exodus.org (Thanks, Tami!)

7 Quick Takes Friday

We have a theme today.

7 Quick Ways to Kick a Bad Mood

We all have those days. It's part of the human experience. Mine usually begin when my 3 year old decides she does NOT want to wear leggings with her dress and we're out of clean tights. Nothing is quite like starting a day with a full-on tantrum and Mommy guilt ("If I'd only done laundry last night we wouldn't be in this situation!"), unless you throw a sleepless night, a cold, and a visit from a demanding family member into the mix. Not that I'm speaking from experience here, just hypothetically...

My life doesn't stop when I have a bad day. My kids still need their mom, grocery store clerks still deserve a friendly smile, the people in my life have to be treated with kindness and dignity. I can't walk around in a funk, taking out my mood on other people. Abigail had a nice post about this the other day, in which she quoted Thomas Aquinas:

"Affability is the duty of justice, it is a kind of debt of decency. Affability is the virtue of maturity and not of youth. It requires the discipline and strength of character to be even-keeled in one's demeanor, regardless of how one is feeling. It is that rare species of charity, the heroic strength that does not inflict one's fluctuating moods upon others."

This is particularly important for moms, as our mood affects the well-being of our families. And if it is our duty as Christian Mothers to be happy even when we feel sad, annoyed, put upon or disappointed, then we need to pursue happiness actively.* This is one of the key themes of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, which I read earlier this year and heartily recommend.

Easier said than done, though! Plus, much of the common advice for cheering yourself up revolves around purchasing or eating: buy a new outfit, bake cookies, hire a babysitter so you can have a few moments to yourself, go out for lunch with a friend, etc. Sometimes these ideas are really good; hanging out with a friend is an excellent mood lifter. But there are times when that's simply not possible. People on a budget, SAHMs with large families, and those with limited time need to get more creative. In addition, I find taking the poor with me through a bad mood also serves to renew my dedication to serving God through serving the poor.

My top 7 ways to lift a bad mood:

1. PRAY
This is number one for a reason. There's really no other solution to petty annoyances than to give them to God and renew the consolation of His love in our hearts. I find Adoration the most effective way to pray, because it provides me with both silence and the physical presence of our Lord. But even a short prayer to the Holy Spirit can help, or a repeated, "Jesus, I give this over to you."

2. LISTEN TO MUSIC

"Music has charms to soothe the savage breast
To soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak." -- William Congreve

Whatever kind of music makes you feel like smiling, dancing, or singing is good. I have K-LOVE pre-programed in my car, and it always comforts and cheers me. If the song they're playing is too sad, I switch to classical or pop in a Rodrigo y Gabriella CD. Fun music is a great mood lifter!

3. GET PERSPECTIVE
It's a function of our comfortable lives that we tend to overblow little things that don't matter in the long run. Whenever petty annoyances threaten to engulf us, it can help to consider: Will I care about this two hours from now? Two days? Two years? Would I care about this if my daughter had leukemia? If my mother was dying? Would I care about this if we had no money left in our bank account? If my husband left me?

4. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
I often encounter images of suffering that stay with me. They flicker to my conscious mind sometimes, to remind me that I am blessed with an abundance of wonderful things. Because I have a special affinity for the poorest of the poor, I often call to mind the image of a woman in India I once saw on a poster at a Church during Lent. She was clearly starving, clearly made old before her time from the toil and agony of her life. I am blessed beyond her imagining, not only with material possessions, but with freedom, love, and, in the words of Charlotte Mason, "tales of the imagination." Though all of us as children of God are privileged to receive the consolation of Christ's mercy, some of us are asked to bear a heavier load than others. Sometimes, simply reflecting on this is enough to make me joyful again.

5. SERVE THOSE IN NEED
I am fortunate to have a relationship with two families living in subsidized housing. I see them once a week or so, and have been helping them with various things for the last two years. Without fail, I leave their homes energized and filled with the Holy Spirit. This is not because of anything particularly special about them, or from the usual satisfaction that comes from doing works of charity. In fact, most of what I do is of no practical use to them whatsoever. It certainly hasn't made any substantial change in their lives; they continue to struggle every day. But in our relationship, I find a sense of God's presence. I think this is because Christ is always particularly present with the poor and suffering. He has a special love for them, and to be near them is to be near Him.

6. EXERCISE
Our bodies were made to move. We are dynamic, kinetic creations. Too often when we're in a bad mood, we do the exact opposite of what we ought to do: We slow down and get quiet and still. I belong to our local YMCA, which provides FREE CHILD CARE as long as I'm in the building, for up to two hours. If your local Y or rec center has a similar service, by all means take advantage of it! Moderate exercise releases endorphins, takes your mind off your problems, and strengthens your heart, muscles, bones, and immune system. Even something as simple as strapping the kids into the stroller and walking around the neighborhood can lift a bad mood (not only ours, but the kids' as well!)

7. CLEAN SOMETHING
Maybe this is just me, but my inertia is the biggest obstacle to my productivity. As a corollary, it's also my strongest asset. Once I get started on something, I find it difficult to stop. So if I sit down at the computer, I will sit there until something makes me move. If I get started on a book, I want to read it to the end. So I find it helpful to get started on something that really needs doing, like vacuuming. Even if it doesn't result in the entire house getting cleaned, at least I get the satisfaction of having accomplished something. Being able to point to a clean room and think: I did this! boosts both my mood and my self-esteem. Professionals might get the same satisfaction from cleaning a drawer, going through their email, mailing a document, or something along those lines. But simply getting something done is key to breaking the downward cycle of the doldrums.

For more Quick Takes visit Jen's blog!

* I'm referring here only to petty annoyances. There are many things in our lives which can cause deep unhappiness over which we have NO control at all, and I'm definitely not suggesting that it is our duty as Christian Mothers to smile while being abused or put a good face on misery. Your cat dies, and that's a real loss that will take time to heal. Your cat throws up on the carpet...well...that's something these tips might help us with. Also, depression is a real, physical problem for many people, and these suggestions are not going to touch that kind of despair. They're not meant to. Please seek professional help if you have feelings of hopelessness, profound despair or lethargy that negatively affect your ability to function and last two weeks or longer.

Defeating Satan

I don't usually pin my troubles on spiritual warfare. It's the sort of thing I do believe in (in a "Yeah, it's probably true" sort of way,) but it's certainly not my first thought whenever I'm faced with a challenge or hardship. I tend first to look at myself: is there something I am doing, or not doing, that is causing this?

Yet I've been increasingly convinced that the obstacles to our adoption are coming from a nefarious spiritual source. It was my husband, actually, who alerted me to this fact. I have been called to adopt for years and years. I've been praying for it daily and offering my Masses for at least three years now. Yet I've been met with such resistance from my husband that I have put the possibility aside for some undetermined age that is known only as "God's Time." I know I will adopt. At some point. But it's not on the radar right now.

A few weeks ago my husband sent me an email with an adoption horror story where a boy was returned, by himself, to Russia (who was threatening to freeze all American adoptions at the time of the story. ) He followed it up a few days later with an opinion post by an adoptive father lamenting the dearth of support agencies and resources for those with troubled adoption situations.

In the email, my husband wrote something like, "These stories are just falling into my lap without me seeking them out. If I believed in an omnipotent being, I'd think he was trying to tell me something."

It floored me at the time, and I started thinking to myself, "Maybe he's right...Maybe God is speaking to my husband because I'm such a control freak that He can't reach me through my stubborn fixation on this idea. Maybe God really is saying no to the adoption...Maybe it's because I'm not a good enough mother...I yell at my kids too much and I watch too much TV and don't sweep the kitchen every day...Maybe God knows I couldn't handle it..." Then I got hold of myself and realized I had played right into that trap of self-doubt and fear that is the Devil's M.O. It took me a few weeks to see it, but once I did it became clear as day.

Who uses fear to keep us from doing good? Who divides a husband and wife? Who attacks using lies that are hidden by half-truths? Not God. Not an omnipotent being who loves us, loves His creation and urges us to be loving to each other. I'm aware of the potential for great pain and sacrifice. It's not enough to drive the call from my heart, because God has put that call there, and "I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8 : 38-39

These adoption horror stories are not coming from God. They're coming from someone who wants to stop the adoption. I've been reading a book titled "Successful Adoption," and this afternoon I read the following: "When you adopt a special-needs child, Satan really doesn't like it, because that has been his territory, and he knows that God is going to be glorified." Source: Robin Pennington

Satan is served by people fearing to adopt. It supports the idea that there are too many people in this world, and that children are a burden rather than a blessing. It creates a justification for abortion, birth control and IVF. It perpetuates the lie that suffering is bad and should be avoided whenever possible. When people are afraid, they do not reach out. They close in, protecting themselves from suffering and harm. Satan is served when people are afraid, because fear makes us put ourselves and our own needs first.

It's like my heart has burst into flames and my energies to pray for our adoption have been completely renewed. I'm still prepared to wait for God's time, but instead of limiting my prayers to "Lord Jesus, I pray for our adoption and our future children," I am going to be focusing my prayers to defeat the work of Satan. A novena to our Lady seems an excellent place to start, followed by candles lit at my parish for this purpose and a daily prayer to St. Michael the Archangel. I'm also going to turn my husband's heart over to St. Joseph, foster father of our Lord Jesus. What a wonderful role model in whom we can place our trust!

I humbly ask for your prayers as well, my friends. For me, for my husband, for our adoption and for an increase in adoptions around the world, for those who are orphaned, for those who are neglected or abused or unloved, for those in foster care, for all those awaiting a forever family, and for all families.

Picture credit.

Embracing the Good Samaritan

While waiting for my son's catechism class to end the other day, I picked up the latest copy of Catholic Update, and read the article on the works of mercy. It had a perspective on the parable of the Good Samaritan that really struck me. Apparently this is a well-known analysis: that the parable is not about how we are all called to help others, but rather is meant to help us recognize the mercy Christ has shown us. It is a parable of God's salvation -- Jesus is the neighbor, the Good Samaritan. He comes to us, who are hurt and broken, and provides us with everything we need. He heals our wounds, takes us to a resting place, pays our debt, and promises to return for us.

Naturally, we are called to help others. Scripture is clear in many other passages, most notably last Sunday's reading from John 21 which I have at the bottom of this webpage. "Feed my lambs, tend my sheep," says Jesus, calling His disciples to provide spiritually and materially for all His children. But what strikes me is the focus of the most famous passage of Scripture. Even non-believers are aware of the parable of the Good Samaritan. In some states there are Good Samaritan laws that hold bystanders accountable for failing to render aid.

Yet I think most of us fail to understand it properly. Jesus is not telling us what we should do. He is showing us what God has done. The parable of the Good Samaritan is not a set of instructions. It's a song of praise for God's goodness.

It echoes what I've been feeling these past few months. There has been a great deal of upheaval in my life, starting with the ectopic pregnancy and progressing right through discerning school options for next year, determining the relationship I will have with certain family members, and making decisions on future children. All the questions I've had about what God wants me to do, I have taken to Him in Adoration, and all I keep hearing in my heart is "Don't worry," and "This is My work."

It IS His work. Nothing I do is my own doing. Nothing I achieve is the product of my labors. All the effort and anxiety I put into trying to do the Lord's will doesn't draw me nearer to Him. It just increases my worry.

I took such comfort from that article, almost as though God was saying to me, "Calm down and leave things in My hands." My job is not to go out there and save all the poor and downtrodden; it's simply to embrace God's salvation and allow it to work within me. When I find opportunities to perform the corporal and spiritual works of mercy, I should respond with the same spirit and outpouring of love Christ has shown me.

That's it. That's the sum of my job on this earth. No need to control things and work myself into a lather about timing and persuading those around me to join in my efforts. Just quiet love and a joyful spirit of giving.

As Paul has said:

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

-- Phillipians 4: 11-13

Content in every situation, and do all through Him who gives me strength. The peace and happiness I've felt from letting this truth fill my heart has enabled me to takes steps I've never been able to before, and which I plan to post about in the future. It has also, I hope, made me a better wife and mother, which is my primary vocation and deepest desire of my heart.

Picture credit.

Internet vs Productivity

What I Learned
One of the things I discovered during my Lenten internet fast was how very, very often I pop on the computer "Just to see if there's a new email." The first week of Lent was extremely difficult; I'd stand, forlorn and disoriented in the middle of my kitchen, yearning to get online. Then I'd make myself do something else (start the laundry, read a book to the kids, put something away) and I'd find myself suddenly busy with a million things that needed doing. By the end of the first week, I had a rhythm that sustained me throughout Lent and it really wasn't at all difficult to refrain from checking email or surfing blogs. (Of course, it helped to know that I could get online the next Sunday. I don't know that I'd be as serene if I had to give it up entirely those 40 days. And I should mention, too, that I continued to use the internet for work. I looked up coloring pages and science projects for the kids, searched for recipes when I needed to use up some extra ricotta, renewed and reserved library books as needed, etc.)

The second thing I discovered was that when I have time online, I will surf just for the sake of surfing. When I limited my internet usage to one day a week, I just didn't have time follow a series of links, research a phrase or acronym someone used that I didn't understand, look up frivolous things like the name of the actor in the movie I saw the other night that I thought I recognized but can't remember where, etc. I pretty much just read through my Blogger dashboard, replied to email, read through the analyses of Project Runway and LOST, and laughed at the Onion and Cakewrecks.

I had hoped it would give me more time for prayer, but it wasn't my internet fast that helped me to pray. Instead, it was a 27 day Rosary novena that I started in early March for discernment. When it comes down to it, I can find things other than the internet to keep me from God. Phone calls, TV, even books can all distract me from developing a prayer life. It's not the internet that's to blame. It's my self-indulgence that keeps me from God.

What I Did
Still, nothing sucks a person in like the internet. I'm very glad to have gone through the fast and am trying as much as possible to continue the habits I developed during Lent. A few things that help me, in general, to fulfill my responsibilities instead of slacking off:

1. Do it now.
This phrase is borrowed from The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, which I've been reading and LOVING. Too often I say to myself, "I'll get to that in a minute, right now I'm just going to pop online for a bit." I try now to physically turn myself toward the task and think, "No. I'm just going to do it now."

2. Turn off the computer.
If I have to boot up, log in, wait for the fourteen different security screens to check for viruses and only THEN have access to my email, I am much more likely to say, "Eh, I'll do it later tonight." Having ready and immediate access is a recipe for disaster.

3. Be in the moment.
When I had no ability to immerse myself in the world of the internet, I had to force myself to stop thinking about it. Instead of wondering whether anyone had commented on my post, or replied to my email, or whether a certain blog had updated, or what so and so thought of the TV show or movie I'd seen recently, I had to switch my brain to whatever was going on around me in my real life and be present there.

4. Plan ahead.
Whenever I couldn't get something off my mind, I used the post-it feature on my computer to make a small note to myself so I could plan on doing it Sunday. Some things I wrote down during Lent: Trip to Savannah/Charleston Aug 13th (flights?), Grass by Sheri Tepper, LOST actress same as Rome?, Check Netflix queue for Oscar winners.

5. Start something, anything.
Whenever I felt that temptation pulling me back to the computer, I forced myself to do one thing: Put a plate away, bring a toy upstairs, clean a sink. Usually, it distracted me and eradicated the temptation. And it felt good to have accomplished something when I was done.

What I Missed
I didn't get to read any news at all. Not even the headlines. There was simply no time for it. I also didn't get to comment on anyone's posts, or even to read the comments other people left. I think online discussions are one of the benefits of the internet: even if you don't have time for a 1/2 hour phone conversation, you can have a deep and meaningful discussion on an important issue if you comment back and forth on someone's blog. So missing out on those facets of the internet were difficult for me.

In retrospect, I think giving up the internet is the perfect Lenten sacrifice for me. It's something I do constantly, and though it's enjoyable, it's certainly an indulgence that isn't essential to my life. Giving it up made me notice I didn't have it, and miss it, and I was happy to do that for God. Everything I discovered duplicates the experience of other bloggers I've read who did a similar fast, which says something to me about the internet itself and the ease by which we all fall in love with it.

I'll end with a funny video from the Onion. Happy Easter everyone!

Perspective

I'm late on 7 Quick Takes because I'm only online on Sundays. Hopefully I can jump in without penalty!

1. It's very unlikely we will homeschool next year. While I see successes in some areas, the overall atmosphere is very unpleasant. My son hates learning and complains no matter what task I set him to. He procrastinates and sulks and sabotages his assignments, which makes me so frustrated that I lose my temper and create exactly the kind of environment that experts say prevents a child's ability to learn. I've prayed for strength, for patience, for guidance, and it comes down to this: it's not working. I want to be open minded and accept that homeschool might not be right for us.

2. So we are in the process of finding a school for him. I'd like to make the financial sacrifice and send him to our parish school, if only because at least that way he'd still get to Mass once during the week and would receive catechism instruction on a daily basis. I'm not yet convinced, though, that the benefits of a Catholic education outweigh the financial burden. But I found the public school overcrowded when we visited last week, so if I had to choose, I'd prefer the private school.

3. I am starting to get really super-excited about the idea of having some time to myself every day. I could work on my book. Possibly (gulp) finish it! I could do fun stuff with my son instead of having all our interactions be adversarial! I could schedule doctors appointments that don't involve my kids shouting and screaming and barging in while I'm being examined! I could sit at Mass and actually pray in silence! Wow!

4. I am also really, fundamentally, depressed about this. It's hard not to feel like a failure. If I were a better teacher, perhaps my son wouldn't fight learning so much. It saddens me that he'll have so much less time now for role play and adventuring. I hate that he'll be gone 7 hours every day and that he'll probably be spending most of that sitting down at a desk. I am deeply worried about his social interactions, both the influences he'll be exposed to as well as the potential for bullying. This just isn't what I wanted for him.

5. My dad has invited us to visit Malta with him this summer. I haven't been since I was three, and this time I really want to explore the churches and the monuments and take a boat tour and all sorts of amazing things that you can do on an island in the middle of the Mediterranean that was settled by ancient Romans! I am supremely blessed with family members who buy me vacations to wonderful places. Unfortunately, I am afraid to fly and will probably spend the entire time over the ocean going through decade after decade of the Rosary. Eh. Prayers are never a bad thing.

6. Last year, I declined requests to be a catechist at my Parish as well as a co-leader for my moms group and planning member of the Colorado Catholic Homeschoolers conference because we were planning to be open to life in January and I didn't think it was a good idea to commit to a volunteer position and then disappear off the face of the Earth halfway through. I'm facing the same choice again for the fall, which is when we are next planning to be open to life again after the unforeseen ectopic pregnancy I experienced a few months ago. Part of me thinks it's ridiculous to plan for something that may not happen, the rest of me thinks that ALL plans may not happen so that's stupid logic. I have been feeling a pull to take more risks and trust God more lately. So perhaps I'll go ahead and volunteer, and then trust that people will figure things out if we are blessed as we hope to be in the fall.

7. And in news that illuminates posts 1 - 6 as the frivolous prattle of a person with no real problems, I found out yesterday that a friend is pregnant. She's really not in a very good place right now and can't afford another baby. I don't want to say any more out of respect for her privacy, but I do ask that you pray for R--. She is not considering an abortion at all, but she is very worried about how they can manage, and she needs a great deal of help.

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