tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21538377252754684142024-02-18T20:52:38.318-07:00Take the Poor With You: A Journey in Radical StewardshipWhat can we do to improve the condition of the poor around the world?
Take them with you.Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.comBlogger179125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-58504364257084642942017-11-08T22:29:00.000-07:002017-11-08T22:29:34.861-07:00Book Review: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*CKI didn't want to read this book. When my husband first told me about it I was immediately disdainful and defensive. "Give me a break! Like our society needs MORE encouragement to care about nothing!" My husband said that's not what the book was actually about, that it was a great read and everyone could benefit from it because we're all paying attention to the wrong thing and putting our priorities in the wrong order. I took that personally, too. "So you're saying my priorities are wrong?"<br />
<br />
Well, turns out my book club decided this would be a good read. I procrastinated as long as I could, which wasn't hard because the wait list for this book at the library is so epic I could wait years and still not be #1. But I was determined. I said to myself, "I am NOT spending money on this book!"(Read with the same intonation as Paul Giamatti insists he's not drinking a merlot in Sideways.)<br />
<br />
Hence, with less than a week until book group, I put out an appeal on Facebook for someone to lend me the book, and a friend told me I could get the audiobook for free from Hoopla.<br />
<br />
Faced now with the reality of having to either listen to this book, or admit to myself that I was willing to judge it without actually reading it, I downloaded the audiobook and started listening.<br />
<br />
As it turns out, I love this book. Yes, it has a few flaws. Yes, it has a lot of f-bombs.* Sure, there are a plethora of eye-rolling, clickbaity chapter titles and one-liners. But I have now read/listened to this book in its entirety, with an open heart, and I have to say the truths are meaningful enough that I give it my endorsement. I think everyone should read this book.<br />
<br />
Why, you ask? Well, let me tell you! Because it takes the fundamental, proven truths that philosophers have uncovered over centuries of human experience and repackages them in surprising ways. For instance:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
Problems never stop; they merely get exchanged and/or upgraded.</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
Happiness comes from solving problems. The keyword here is “solving.” If you’re avoiding your problems or feel like you don’t have any problems, then you’re going to make yourself miserable. If you feel like you have problems that you can’t solve, you will likewise make yourself miserable. The secret sauce is in the solving of the problems, not in not having problems in the first place.</blockquote>
On the surface, this isn't all that deep. I think most people would acknowledge in their heart of hearts that there really isn't any "perfect life" where they won't have any problems and be perfectly happy at all times. I mean, that's not realistic.<br />
<br />
And yet it's evident that our society is obsessed with avoiding suffering and eliminating problems. The fallacy surrounding us is that if only we had enough money, or the "right information," or knew the "right people," all our problems would be solved. The idea that our entire lives are going to consist of one problem after another is anathema to the comfortable life we think we want. As Mark Manson puts it, though:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
I can ask you "What do you want out of life?" A more interesting question, a question that most people never consider, is, “What pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for?” Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out.</blockquote>
<div class="p1" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
I love this. What we are willing to endure is the determinant of our happiness. Roger Federer genuinely enjoys the pain associated with tennis. He enjoys training, studying other player's technique, thinking about tennis, preparing for a match, playing the match, and analyzing his performance afterwards. Obviously, winning is much more enjoyable than losing, getting muscle cramps, or sweating while repeatedly practicing a serve. But if there isn't a sort of pleasure in the pain, even achieving winning status won't actually make him happy (see Andre Agassi's autobiography <a href="https://books.google.com/books/about/Open.html?id=VfFuMQEACAAJ&hl=en" target="_blank">Open</a>.)</div>
<div class="p1" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
Or here's another bit that I want to print out and frame:</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
The more we choose to accept responsibility in our lives, the more power we will exercise over our lives. Accepting responsibility for our problems is thus the first step to solving them. ... But there are also problems that we aren’t at fault for, yet we are still responsible for them. ... </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
Here’s one way to think about the distinction between the two concepts. Fault is past tense. Responsibility is present tense. Fault results from choices that have already been made. Responsibility results from the choices you’re currently making, every second of every day. </blockquote>
<div>
I have never heard it put this way before. This has always been something I struggled with: it's just not FAIR that someone would have to bear the burden of another person's bad choices and mistakes! True. It's not fair. But it happens, and what we choose to do about it is what matters. We can't abdicate our responsibilities just because they're not our fault. We think we should be able to pass off the problem to whoever is at fault for it, but that doesn't actually work to our benefit the way we think it should. Often, the main argument here stems from the fact that whoever is taking the responsibility has to also bear the suffering associated with the situation. Well, that's actually okay, too. In fact, the suffering can be <i>good.</i></div>
<div class="p1" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
Here's the essential corollary: </div>
<div class="p1" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
Suffering without purpose is meaningless. </blockquote>
<div class="p1" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
But what gives you purpose? Ah...see, here's one of the greatest truths and biggest flaws in this book. Mark Manson says that purpose comes from knowing your values and making choices that are in line with those values. So if you value having lots of free time to create art, you will choose a job that doesn't require a great deal of time or mental energy. It's likely that you will suffer for a long time being bored at your job and living your life without financial security, but the suffering has purpose. It's supporting your ability to create art, and art is more important to you than financial security. So you actually love your suffering, and find it beautiful, because it's through that suffering that you are attaining the freedom that truly fulfills you.</div>
<div class="p1" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
These sorts of analogies are ever-present in the book, and all stem from the core advice he's giving the reader: to be intentional about what you value. The flaw in this is that it's very easy to spend your entire life pursuing the wrong values. Manson acknowledges this, and he does have a section where he advises the reader to consider their values under the following metrics:</div>
<div class="p1" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
Defining Good and Bad Values<br />
Good values are 1) reality-based, 2) socially constructive, and 3) immediate and controllable.<br />
Bad values are 1) superstitious, 2) socially destructive, and 3) not immediate or controllable. </blockquote>
<br />
When I say this is a flaw, I don't mean that Mark Manson is wrong in his approach. But he's left out something that I consider to be of such fundamental importance that to omit it compromises his effectiveness. When he talks about whether a value is "socially constructive or destructive" he doesn't define the society he's trying to construct. He leaves it to the reader to determine whether the value is constructive or destructive, based (I assume) either on its results or its perception among like-minded people. This is likely because he comes from a humanist perspective rather than a religious one (in fact, the book makes it quite clear that he distrusts the faithful because of their blind "certainty" which is another word for "faith.") In other words, he argues that what makes a value good is its independence from anything outside the reader's own self, but the truth is that goodness CANNOT be subjective.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
Some examples of good, healthy values: honesty, innovation, vulnerability, standing up for oneself, standing up for others, self-respect, curiosity, charity, humility, creativity.</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
Some examples of bad, unhealthy values: dominance through manipulation or violence, indiscriminate fucking, feeling good all the time, always being the center of attention, not being alone, being liked by everybody, being rich for the sake of being rich, sacrificing small animals to the pagan gods.</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">
You’ll notice that good, healthy values are achieved internally. Something like creativity or humility can be experienced right now. You simply have to orient your mind in a certain way to experience it. These values are immediate and controllable and engage you with the world as it is rather than how you wish it were.</blockquote>
<br />
From my perspective, there isn't a way to judge the merits of a value unless there is an external morality to hold it against. How can innovation be a value in and of itself? Innovation doesn't always lead to good things. The atomic bomb was an innovation. So was communism. Same thing with self-respect. I commend self-respect and believe all people should have it, but what does it do? Unless it's based on the truth that we are children of God, created in His image and therefore worthy of human dignity, AND THEN that truth leads us to the knowledge that ALL humanity is therefore worthy of human dignity, AND THEN we afford ALL PEOPLE that dignity, our self-respect is nothing more than a limited value which has no meaning outside our own experience of it.<br />
<br />
Most societies have a complicated and not always well-defined set of social mores. Manson makes it the point of his book to challenge these mores and give his reader the tools to critically analyze the assumptions and values imposed by society, but stops short of providing an external system upon which the reader can then base their revised values.<br />
<br />
The result is what Manson has observed about his own life's journey: he goes from one focus to another, likely drawing nearer and nearer to the truth, but never actually finding it, because real truth cannot be found within us.<br />
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Despite this, his advice is essential for those struggling with finding a constructive way to work through life's disappointments. It is the antidote to the "you can be anything you want, the sky's the limit, just believe in yourself and pursue your dreams!" false empowerment of the 80s and 90s that, from what I can see, has led to disillusionment when children grow up and discover that achieving their goals doesn't bring the happy ending they were promised by Disney, just more and different problems to overcome. Manson says, "That's ok! In fact, it's good!" Life is about meeting challenges and growing/learning/trying. There's no endpoint where the struggles are over and you just enjoy life like a Sultan in a fairy tale. Instead, choose the right struggles, and you'll enjoy the problems.<br />
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*Don't try to listen to this book in the car with kids. :)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-56490207392455273942017-10-30T08:50:00.000-07:002017-10-30T08:50:20.959-07:00First, Love God From this morning's prayer time:<br />
<br />
The question on my heart: Why is it necessary to love God if He doesn't need our love?<br />
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What I wrote in my prayer journal: Because we cannot love the unlovable. We cannot love God unless we truly know Him for who He is. Love for God assures right understanding and a desire to serve Him -- through, by, and in perfect love. Thus the Greatest Commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind, which then MUST lead to love for yourself and neighbor because if we love God we will love what God loves, and He loves us!<br />
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More thoughts: God doesn't need our love, or our works, or or prayers, or our devotion. He is entirely and completely divine and whole without anything we could offer. Thus, our love for Him and His desire for that love does not stem from something that benefits Him, rather it benefits US. WE need to love Him, because that's how we come to understand what love actually is. If God is love, but we don't know how to love, then how can we know God? And if God is love, but we don't know God, then how can we know how to love?<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
In "The Second Greatest Story Ever Told," Fr. Gaitley talks about the heresy of Jansenism and the pain it wrought upon the Church in the 18th century. It is this same pain I see between Catholics and other Christians in our country today, and between Secular Humanists and followers of any major religion. Our definitions of love are vastly different; so different that love to one group looks like hate to the other.<br />
<br />
So this is why is it not enough to be a "moral person." It is not enough to "live a good life" that focuses on being kind to others and tolerant of their beliefs. It is not enough to simply be responsible stewards of our blessings, and perhaps create some beauty in the world. If our understanding of God is twisted, our understanding of love will be twisted, and our attempts to love and create beauty will also be twisted.<br />
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True love, God's love, is radical. So radical that it looks like insanity to those outside the relationship. Our current political climate is like the book of Hosea. The sorrow we experience at every failed attempt to reach one another is a mirror of God's sorrow as He reaches out to us with the answer to every human problem, and still we turn away because we don't believe! Lest you worry that I speak from one political party of another, let me remind you, gentle reader, that I belong to neither, and count as my dearest friends those on all sides who have beliefs that I consider utterly, completely, abhorrently wrong. I am not speaking to any of you, but to all of you, and to myself.<br />
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Whatever the problem: Love God.<br />
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Seek God.<br />
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Know God.<br />
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If there is any doubt in our minds or hearts about His mercy, His goodness, or His perfection, that is a sign our understanding is incomplete. Many of the Saints struggled to comprehend His ways throughout their lives, but by the end, all their doubts and questions were answered through the gentle and unrelenting revelation of His love in their hearts. I am struggling, too. Please pray for me.Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-54200186906225553442017-08-15T10:13:00.006-07:002017-08-15T10:13:43.524-07:00Marian Consecration<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0MJqRvGMVbLChPIkPtGgmZC1jLnPosO4ViFhb751yWWTHEmiQlKUqMhsRUD81_QdEd1_TsxnUmnrNL5pluuFMOLYdY4WQzsGS2bfWiaB7tFnkw2mgx1xFBAKpL6d4EiHbvuAouckIm5Y/s1600/41yegjGQ49L._SY450_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="450" data-original-width="329" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0MJqRvGMVbLChPIkPtGgmZC1jLnPosO4ViFhb751yWWTHEmiQlKUqMhsRUD81_QdEd1_TsxnUmnrNL5pluuFMOLYdY4WQzsGS2bfWiaB7tFnkw2mgx1xFBAKpL6d4EiHbvuAouckIm5Y/s320/41yegjGQ49L._SY450_.jpg" width="233" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My favorite image of Mary: Our Lady of Grace</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Today is Consecration Day for me! I had tried while pregnant with Ian to get through the 33 Days to Morning Glory, and encountered too many spiritual barriers to make it all the way through. But this time has been a wellspring of blessings and comfort. <span style="color: magenta;">I was able to see changes in my life from the second week, and am doing things I've never been able to do in my entire life.</span> God is truly blessing this little endeavor.<br />
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What has helped most is the new ability to let go of my children's futures. I have always struggled with this idea. <span style="color: magenta;">"Letting Go" is impossible for me because I care so deeply; the only way I've ever been able to do it is by giving up hope and decreasing my love and care.</span> This was possible with people in my life before I had kids. Even my husband (God bless him) I could love less when he disappointed me or refused to meet my needs. It was very difficult, and caused years of strife, but I was able to "let go" of my expectations for him and it turned out to be what saved our marriage. I accepted him for who he is, worked on meeting my own needs, and in time we grew a beautiful partnership of equals. But I only got there by going through a long period of believing in my heart of hearts that this marriage would not last. I don't recommend this.<br />
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<span style="color: magenta;">I couldn't do that with my kids</span>. No matter how much I tried, I could not love them less or care less about their future. Well-meaning friends and family would tell me that there was really no way to assure obedience or compliance from my children, and that I should expect their defiance, and be unbothered by it. To me, that felt like telling someone not to worry about the bear wandering into their campground because, hey, you're in the woods! You should expect bears and be unbothered by them!<br />
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Yet, they were right. I should expect defiance from my children, even when I am asking them to do what is right and good, because they are children. They have not yet developed the inner self-discipline to do what is right on their own. If they had, I wouldn't need to ask! And it's unlikely they'll develop this until they've been living on their own for some time, simply because that's the dynamic of family life.<br />
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So how does this look, practically, in my own home life? It means less yelling. A lot less. Granted, there was a great deal of yelling before so it's not like my home is a haven of peace and gentleness quite yet. <span style="color: magenta;">But it is significantly different now, because I know that their behavior is not my responsibility.</span> I've always KNOWN that intellectually, but I haven't been able to accept it emotionally until now.<br />
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I hope to blog more in the future about how my parenting has changed and my motherhood has flourished, amid all of the challenges I've always faced. For today, I am basking in the joy of my consecration and the knowledge that my Blessed Mother is near me.<br />
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Lady-Grace-Poster-13-17/dp/B003CIMDS4" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Image credit.</span></a>Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-76215520620229411432017-07-17T10:00:00.000-07:002017-07-17T10:00:03.063-07:00AngryTN<div class="separator tr_bq" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPaYHW8N43m6jXv7shD4pH9P8LF1Ni0Vl40udRP5m-qQhB_WMkA6zel_5uEraohOdQdwOL_mU6dD6P3y-EE-5UQk0Nwg_pJf9c7mST_Koh9s-z4FAJ7VeoexDPC6ZA7t5q6nKQ1Lci9OE/s1600/maxresdefault.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPaYHW8N43m6jXv7shD4pH9P8LF1Ni0Vl40udRP5m-qQhB_WMkA6zel_5uEraohOdQdwOL_mU6dD6P3y-EE-5UQk0Nwg_pJf9c7mST_Koh9s-z4FAJ7VeoexDPC6ZA7t5q6nKQ1Lci9OE/s320/maxresdefault.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
There's a scene in the movie <i>Ghost</i> where Whoopi Goldberg is holding a seance and one of the "spirits" in the room takes over her body. Her clothes billow out, her face grows grave, and she is no longer herself.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: magenta;">Depression is like that for me. I am suddenly taken over by someone, or something, else, something that is not me, but is in my body controlling what I think, say, and feel. </span>I am there, too, but muted, like an echo or a conscience. I see what's happening, I know it's not right. It's not who I am or who I want to be. And I can't do much but watch and mourn.<br />
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The person who takes over when I'm depressed is Angry. Everything bothers her. Everything is pointless. Friends don't understand. Family members do nothing but judge. The children are hopeless and helpless drains on me and, one day, on society. Every choice I've ever made was wrong and my life is meaningless.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
From my journal a week ago: <span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13px;">Back here again. Screaming and swearing at the children. Watching TV because my brain is dead. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: magenta;">Feeling like I should never have married and become a mother because it just sucks and my children suck and I hate everything about it.</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13px;"> I like little, little babies. They're cuddly, and I get tons of endorphins from breastfeeding, and in the middle of the night I pray and commiserate with eternity through those moments which every mother shares. The rest of it is stupid and awful. I fucking HATE cleaning up their messes. I hate trying to teach them right from wrong. I hate their stupid fucking attitudes. I wish I'd never had kids.</span></blockquote>
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The worst is that during this awful time, when I need the Lord so desperately, I am unable to pray. <span style="color: magenta;">Literally, I cannot form the words to any prayers</span>. I will start, and get a sentence in, and AngryTN says "What's the point? He doesn't answer." Then instead of praying, I begin to list all the grievances I have against God. He never healed me during my pregnancies. He hasn't converted my husband. We are still struggling financially. Nothing I've tried with my eldest son is working. I follow the teachings of the Church and where does it lead me?<br />
<br />
So I try again, but prayer angers me. Angers me so that I deliberately begin to think about something as far from God as I can; something vengeful, something lewd, something heretical.<br />
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When AngryTN is gone, I am filled with regret and shame. I don't know why I am not strong enough to fight her. I don't know why God hasn't healed me of the depression, or at least shown me how I can get help! I have tried medication, I have tried therapy (both talk and EMDR), I do all those things that they recommend (at one point my therapist read me the list and I do 9/10 of them on a daily or weekly basis and the 10th I tried for three years without success.) I am on supplements to regulate my hormones. I've tried blood tests and natural doctors.<br />
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<span style="color: magenta;">Nothing is working.</span><br />
<br />
I found comfort from a surprising source yesterday. My dad called to tell me of an insight he'd been given during contemplation, which he was told to share with me. It is complicated, and I fear to write it down because without more explanation it may do more harm than good. <span style="color: magenta;">But he helped me to see that my sufferings are not evidence that I am doing it wrong, but rather an opportunity to do even more good for those I love. </span>I hope to write a longer post about it sometime, because the conversation I had with my Dad was so beautiful that I know others can be helped by it, too.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: magenta;">In the meantime, I am moving forward with what I know to be true and right. </span>This prayer is on the wall of my bathroom so I can be reminded of it every day.<br />
<br />
<blockquote style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
<span lang="EN-GB">God has created me to do Him some definite service; He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission—I never may know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I have a part in this great work; I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. </span><span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span><span lang="EN-GB"></span></blockquote>
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<blockquote style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
<span lang="EN-GB">He has not created me for naught. I<i> </i>shall do good, I shall do His work; I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it, if I do but keep His commandments and serve Him in my calling.</span><span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span><span lang="EN-GB"></span></blockquote>
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<blockquote style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
<span lang="EN-GB">Therefore I will trust Him. Whatever, wherever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him; in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him; if I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. </span><span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span><span lang="EN-GB"></span></blockquote>
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<blockquote style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
<span lang="EN-GB">He does nothing in vain; He may prolong my life, He may shorten it; He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends, He may throw me among strangers, He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide the future from me—still He knows what He is about.</span><span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></blockquote>
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<blockquote style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">O Emmanuel, Deign to fulfill Thy high purposes in me whatever they be—work in and through me. I am born to serve Thee, to be Thine, to be Thy instrument. Let me be Thy blind instrument. I ask not to see—I ask not to know—I ask simply to be used. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></blockquote>
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<blockquote style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">--Blessed John Henry Cardinal Newman</span></blockquote>
Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-53705974939700249232017-05-25T08:37:00.000-07:002017-05-25T08:37:55.443-07:00Judgment Judgment Everywhere and Nary a Drop of TruthI've been wanting, for some time, to write a post that sort of brings together various articles I've read and insights I've had related to the stress that comes from being a mother in this modern era.<br />
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<b><span style="color: magenta;">It boils down to one simple fact: In today's modern parenthood there is no truth, only judgment. </span></b><br />
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Every single day there are at least two articles on my Facebook, Blogger, or Yahoo feed that contradict each other so fundamentally that, frankly, I am not sure how anyone could possibly know how to parent. So every day I am reminded how <a href="http://www.parentinn.com/importance-good-parenting" target="_blank">very extremely critically important my job is</a> as a mother and how <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2016/09/do-parents-matter-world/499808/" target="_blank">none of it actually matters at all</a>. It's so important to <a href="http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a1044790/encouraging-good-behaviour-and-setting-boundaries" target="_blank">set boundaries</a>. But <a href="https://imperfectfamilies.com/why-you-should-say-yes-to-your-kids/" target="_blank">don't say "no!"</a> And make sure you <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2013/01/why-parents-need-to-let-their-children-fail/272603/" target="_blank">let them fail</a>. Safely, of course, in small ways before they reach high school, and making exceptions for <a href="http://www.helpguide.org/articles/add-adhd/attention-deficit-disorder-adhd-parenting-tips.htm" target="_blank">necessary interventions</a>.<br />
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"I think when you use the word 'fail,' you alienate a lot of people," said <a href="http://www.misslori.tv/" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #006598; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;" target="_blank">children's television host Miss Lori</a>, a mom of three. "I believe in allowing my children to stumble." Teaching them how to get up again is enormously important, said the social media strategist and <a href="http://www.babble.com/contributor/missloritv/" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #006598; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;" target="_blank">Babble.com contributor.</a> "<u>But fail, not so much, especially in school.</u> Our education system is already failing them in most cities. Their school résumé is too important, and they have too few years to amass it."</blockquote>
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Oh, I thought if you don't let them fail it's <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachel-simmons/before-you-let-your-child-fail-read-this_b_8005866.html" target="_blank">because you have issues</a> with anxiety and control. If they're sick, mentally ill, <a href="http://www.heart.org/HEARTORG/HealthyLiving/HealthyKids/ChildhoodObesity/Preventing-Childhood-Obesity-Tips-for-Parents-and-Caretakers_UCM_456118_Article.jsp#" target="_blank">overweight</a>, or <a href="http://childmind.org/article/how-to-avoid-passing-anxiety-on-to-your-kids/" target="_blank">stressed</a>, you're not doing your job right. Maybe it's because you've <a href="http://raisedgood.com/extraordinary-things-happen-when-we-simplify-childhood/" target="_blank">provided them too many</a> toys, activities, choices, and information. You <a href="https://www.bloomberg.com/view/articles/2016-09-12/don-t-leave-your-kids-near-judgmental-strangers" target="_blank">can't let them out of your sight</a>, ever! Besides, <a href="http://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/positive/quality-time/" target="_blank">time with them</a> is the most important way you show your love. But<a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2016/10/07/five-ways-to-avoid-becoming-a-helicopter-parent/?utm_term=.879dcf35d083" target="_blank"> don't helicopter them</a>! And here's a <a href="http://www.today.com/parents/poke-back-why-one-psychologist-says-parents-should-tell-kids-t100941" target="_blank">great article</a> about how the best way a parent can prevent bullying is to teach their kids to defend themselves rather than relying on school or parental authority, except that you must also teach them that it's NOT OKAY to EVER use violence in any way against anyone for any reason.<br />
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<span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "proxima_nova" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">“Responding physically to physical attacks is not the right first response,” she told TODAY Parents. “However, ... we cannot allow children to become victimized. If a child tries a verbal deflection and is met with physical threats, he or she needs to know that they have the right to defend themselves physically.” </span><span style="font-family: "proxima_nova" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">“One possible consequence is that physically defending yourself against an attack might lead to a fight. Your child might lose that fight. They may get hurt. The attacker may get hurt. The teachers, mentors or adults in charge, may get involved. Your child might get sanctioned for fighting,” he wrote.</span></span></blockquote>
How's that for the perfect illustration of a lose/lose situation? You have the right to defend yourself, but doing so will probably lead to sanctions and adults getting involved, but at least the bullying will stop...except probably not because the whole point of the article is that adult involvement doesn't effectively stop bullying or teach children how to respond to bullying behaviors!<br />
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Not that I need the internet to be shown my failures. Every time I lose my temper, each well-meaning "observation" from family members, all the hundreds of times per day the kids fight with each other, talk back to me, whine, complain, act selfishly, lie, break something, or eat a bunch of candy, convinces me that my parenting is abysmal and I am raising the next generation of entitled brats, and hence, that my entire life's purpose is worse than useless.<br />
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Yes, I know, this is a sign of depression. From <a href="http://www.today.com/parents/when-super-mom-super-sad-pressures-haunt-new-parents-1D80081732" target="_blank">this </a>article, about the stress to be "perfect": <span style="color: #525252; font-family: "proxima_nova" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">"When you have depression, it's about constantly battling the negative thoughts and constantly battling the comparison. And it's so tiring." </span>Someone who doesn't battle this disease will simply advise me not to care about other people, not to listen to any voice but my own. The problem is, I don't trust my own voice or my own perspective.<br />
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Love this post from Bunmi Laditan<br />
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How To Be A Mom in 2017: Make sure your children's academic, emotional, psychological, mental, spiritual, physical, nutritional, and social needs are met while being careful not to overstimulate, understimulate, improperly medicate, helicopter, or neglect them in a screen-free, processed foods-free, GMO-free, negative energy-free, plastic-free, body positive, socially conscious, egalitarian but also authoritative, nurturing but fostering of independence, gentle but not overly permissive, pesticide-free two-story, multilingual home preferably in a cul-de-sac with a backyard and 1.5 siblings spaced at least two year apart for proper development also don't forget the coconut oil.<br />
How To Be A Mom In Literally Every Generation Before Ours: Feed them sometimes.<br />
(This is why we're crazy.)</blockquote>
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Here's a question I'd like answered: "How do we get past this?"<br />
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<br />Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-67091426773197353322017-05-07T19:07:00.002-07:002017-05-07T19:07:17.702-07:00Spring Break<br />
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We took a great trip to Glenwood Springs for Spring Break. This is our third year going as a family, and the first year I actually got to ride the alpine coaster seeing as I was not needed to hold a baby up at the top. I won't lie, I was pretty nervous the first ride down, but it's awesome!!<br />
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We left on Sunday just before noon and ate lunch that I packed for each kid in the car. I told them they could have a pop with dinner if they finished their lunch bags, and each of them did. I love the drive through the mountains, past all the different colored strata and across the Vail Pass. The weather was nice in Glenwood so we went right to the hot springs for a couple hours, then grabbed dinner at our favorite Mexican place in town. What is it that's so good about Mexican? It's the corn, right? The corn and the cheese? Yeah. That's just such an awesome combination. We stuffed ourselves with chips and salsa while trading Chips and Salsa memes. My favorite:<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKRkJI-WWi9BssLRdCGILur1tWYt54tIb_Eh86zjho2Ne2SGuAvnTHW9cr9d73RBuzMRxMsf53QXvxMDMOUXfvso8wSGcKWIJWqnXSFYNGsCU8pDuI14Fi_8mnbP8FnOrDFepgGdXERvA/s1600/20170328_212745866_iOS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKRkJI-WWi9BssLRdCGILur1tWYt54tIb_Eh86zjho2Ne2SGuAvnTHW9cr9d73RBuzMRxMsf53QXvxMDMOUXfvso8wSGcKWIJWqnXSFYNGsCU8pDuI14Fi_8mnbP8FnOrDFepgGdXERvA/s320/20170328_212745866_iOS.jpg" width="240" /></a>HA!!<br />
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We stayed at the <a href="http://thehotelglenwoodsprings.com/" target="_blank">Hotel Glenwood Springs</a>, at the base of the Adventure Park, and I have to say, it's what makes the vacation.<br />
Yes, the hot springs are awesome. Yes, the Adventure Park, too. But if we stayed at a regular hotel the kids would not clamor to go back again next year. This hotel is totally awesome. They have their own pool and hot tub, with a zero depth entry, fountain, and baby slide for the littles, as well as a bball hoop, lazy river, and HUGE twirly slide for bigger kids. We spent SO MUCH TIME at this pool. Dan camped out at the base of the slide, quite literally playing the role of the Catcher in the Rye (except he was waist deep in water instead of rye) and caught the non-swimmers as they came shooting down the slide. My eldest had a great time playing HORSE with anyone nearby, attempting ridiculous and dangerous shots from In The Hot Tub! On The Steps! At The Opposite End of The Pool! Behind the Hoop! etc. We stayed three nights and on the last night they gave us a complimentary large pizza cooked by their pizza bar in the lobby, and a board game.<br />
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The pizza tasted good. It wasn't a true crust, just a Boboli type that's already cooked and they top it and broil it up so it's all melty. But the kids loved it and, did I mention, it was FREE? I thought it was such a nice touch that they threw that in for our stay. Also, they have a game room in the basement with Wii (Mario carts), a blackboard and chalk, bean bags, foosball table, and a little craft center with coloring books and crayons. We were down there quite a bit, and all the kids like having their own little room where they could hang out.<br />
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I decided ahead of time to spring for the kitchenette suite at the hotel and I'm thrilled with that option. We were able to eat something I cooked half the meals, and it also made breakfast much more pleasant. Their breafast is good: waffles, yogurt, cereal, juices, coffes and tea, fruit, hard boiled eggs, and toast/bagels/donuts. But I can't have hard boiled eggs, and the kids don't like them, so that left us without a protein option for breakfast. Also, the girls are dairy free. So I was able to bring my paleo sausage breakfast hash (loosely based on <a href="http://lexiscleankitchen.com/2013/07/22/loaded-paleo-breakfast-hash/" target="_blank">this </a>recipe but adjusted to my FODMAP sensitivities) to heat up for myself, and have almond milk in the fridge for the girls to put in their cereal, and we were happy as clams. Other meals included fried rice, which I made by sauteing a chicken breast on the stove top and mixing it with chopped snap peas and carrots, then adding soy sauce and pre-cooked rice I'd prepared before we left. For two of the lunches I made sandwiches for the kids and served them with cut carrots and potato chips, and for Dan and I rolled roasted vegetables (prepared before we left) with cream cheese in a tortilla.<br />
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We had spent all day Monday at the Adventure Park, going down the alpine slide a million times, playing laser tag (Meia got scared but the older kids had fun,) touring the caves, and watching 4D movies (yep, you wear 3-D glasses to watch a film, and the chairs move and shake, and it sprays you with mist for a full sensory experience.) The gondola ride to the top of the mountain is always fun, although the line to get on the gondola is less so. We waited an entire hour, and we were one of the early ones because all we had to do was walk out of our hotel after breakfast. My boys found a fiberglass stake while we were in line and started dueling with it, only to find that the fiberglass wasn't stable. They ended up with tiny shards embedded in their hands. I raced back up to the room to get my tweezers, but even so they were in pain until we got to the top and asked the gift shop lady for some tape. That helped a bit more (my youngest stopped holding his hand at his side and began to actually use it again after the tape) but I don't think they were totally free until they went back to the pool that afternoon. We got some great pictures of the boys in the Squeeze Box, and the weather was perfect.<br />
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Tuesday the weather wasn't great. But I knew that was predicted from checking the weather a week before, and I'd brought some movies. We watched Adventures in Babysitting (which is dirtier than I remember it and I'm hoping the kids were as baffled by some of those references as I was back in the day) Groundhog Day (which I had to keep assuring them was going to be awesome because it starts pretty slow) and the new Ghostbusters (which had me dying of laughter. Chris Hemsworth dancing at the end is so great!) As I've mentioned, there was enough in the hotel to keep the kids occupied, so we didn't have to brave the cold.<br />
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All the kids were sad when we had to leave; we spent the maximum amount of time in the pool as possible and then went to the park to picnic and walk along the river before finally getting into the car around 2 pm to head home. We stopped on the way back in Frisco for coffee/hot chocolates and treats and were back home by dinnertime. All in all, we had a wonderful time. Kids got along except for a couple incidents which is to be expected and didn't ruin anything. We're planning to do it again next year!Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-28044961894679706212017-04-08T07:38:00.000-07:002017-04-08T07:38:11.290-07:00Art Meditation on Mary MagdaleneAs we move into Holy Week, we can prepare by entering our Lord's Passion through the eyes of someone who was there. Here is a meditation on four works of art featuring Mary Magdalene, which I originally wrote for my Moms and Tots ministry.<br />
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We know Mary Magdalene best for her visit to Christ’s tomb,
bringing the spices to anoint him. While it is not certain, many also
believe she is the woman who washed Jesus’ feet with her tears and dried them
with her hair at the home of the Pharisee in<a href="http://www.usccb.org/bible/luke/7#50007036-o" target="_blank"> Luke 7: 36-50. </a></div>
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In this painting by
Nik Helbig, Mary and Jesus are painted in an impressionist style. The softness
of the lines surrounding them give the illusion of her hair, which is the same
color as Jesus’ hands and cloak. We are meant to see that His spirit and hers
are united in this moment where she honors Jesus and is forgiven of all her
sins. The brightest part of this painting is her face, right in the center. Her
eyes are open as she gazes at His feet, gently touching them. And we see this
touch echoed above, as Jesus lays His hand gently on her head. As you look at this painting, what sort of
emotions come to you? The colors are like a rainbow after a storm, evoking the
hope that comes after darkness. Mary is peaceful, yet not happy. Her sins have
burdened her so much all her life. This is the very moment of her forgiveness;
she has not yet felt the weight lifting off her. She is still bent, crouched
over the feet of the only one who she believes can save her. What is she
thinking right now, as she feels Jesus lay his hand on her head? Take a moment to sit with this painting and allow the Lord
to speak to you through this image.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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The next painting depicts Mary at the tomb on Easter
morning. It is titled Noli Me Tangere (Latin for “Do not touch me” or “Do not
cling to me”) and was painted by James Jacques Joseph Tissot. In John’s Gospel,
when Mary finally recognizes Jesus, she falls down to worship Him. He replies,
telling her not to hold on to him, because he has not yet ascended to the
Father, but to go and tell the disciples that she has seen Him. In this
painting, though they are very close, there is a distance between them. Mary
does not look at Jesus; her face is pressed into the ground, but she raises her
hands in supplication. She knows this is the Son of God, risen from the dead.
The apologetics site <a href="http://www.unamsanctamcatholicam.com/" target="_blank">“Unam Sanctam Catholicam”</a> describes the moment this way:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">In addition to fear of the
Lord, Christ inspired within Mary a deepening of faith through His gentle
command to cease touching Him. Physically touching the Lord surely served as a
great comfort to Mary Magdalene. In the midst of our Lord’s Passion, Mary
remained close to Him, right beside the Cross. In the midst of her great grief,
the body of our Lord is that which Mary sought. Yet, Mary’s faith was great;
hence, she was the first witness of the Resurrection, the first one to see the
Risen Lord. With the removal of this comfort from physical touch, with this
abandonment of self, Mary would have to grow in faith. Her faith in Christ,
rather than physical touching of Christ, would have to be her comfort and
consolation. This deepening of faith in Mary Magdalene certainly would have
been preparatory for the time between Christ’s Ascension and the Descent of the
Holy Spirit. It is as though by saying “For I have not yet ascended to the
Father” Christ is also revealing to Mary that His salvation of mankind is not
yet finished; He still must ascend to Heaven and send His Spirit. With the
sending of the Holy Spirit, there is a more complete restoration of the union,
the “touch,” between Christ and man. Mary was being told to wait, rely on her
faith, wait for the Spirit, and grow keen to the spiritual Presence of our
Lord.</span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Notice some of the details the artist has included, and
ponder what meaning they have to you. Jesus’ hand is in the three fingered
blessing that was common in early Medieval and Renaissance art. The three
outstretched fingers alludes to the Trinity. Is he blessing Mary, or showing us
that He is going to the Father? Both the tomb and the temple are visible in
this painting. The tomb housed the body of Christ and was the site of His
resurrection. The temple was the spiritual center of the Jewish faith, and
housed the Ark of the Covenant the Word of God. Christ, too, is the Word of God,
and the tomb parallels the Temple where God Himself entered to encounter His
people. Take a moment to examine the painting, and see if the Lord gives you
any other insights.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu1aRG8wkFh7MICIT9pNNzFTwCw8fxHdzZ1pf2AGo5-9uuSmJGbdSQmzqXIQs2d0iWYp7mq8-GhUUxhqPCl9chWCe5gvoTdUxstV1dEKA-wjeZtzkJYoNahuTSufPrSPVZuZLIPSIRuJI/s1600/Mark+Hough+-+Mary+Magdalene.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu1aRG8wkFh7MICIT9pNNzFTwCw8fxHdzZ1pf2AGo5-9uuSmJGbdSQmzqXIQs2d0iWYp7mq8-GhUUxhqPCl9chWCe5gvoTdUxstV1dEKA-wjeZtzkJYoNahuTSufPrSPVZuZLIPSIRuJI/s640/Mark+Hough+-+Mary+Magdalene.jpg" width="319" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here is Mary in a very different light. Mark Hough paints her standing, her
eyes lifted, her face full of wonder and awe. The halo behind her head
signifies that she is a holy woman, and the banner above her head proclaims “I
have seen the Lord!” but it is her face that communicates most clearly her
encounter with God. Notice how her hand is in almost the same position as
Jesus’ in the last painting. But she is not blessing the Apostles; she is
instructing them. Here is Mary as the messenger, the original evangelist,
proclaiming the Good News. The columns and arches behind her evoke the naves of
a Cathedral, and her rich and beautiful clothes are colored with Christian
symbolism: Red for martyrdom and the blood Christ shed on the cross, Gold for
his kingship and the glory of his resurrection, White for purity, forgiveness,
and salvation, and a thin band of blue, the color of our Blessed Mother, which
binds together Christ’s sacrifice and our redemption.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Take a moment to reflect on this image. If you were one of
the Apostles, seeing Mary come to you like this, would you believe something
miraculous and inexplicable had indeed occurred?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuBXHq1w2Ud3TrUPs4h83aDGdJ6NwZYOD2XGBLTlZQHVVpAIyMG81CaFPQU9hlziKzzNcp5QnJTFA_0hbHL1nne7hjotaQlLX5LxvyKpO1fyMCuqdToRXFBca9ssQHV8zjAbLK3-7PgiM/s1600/Francesco+Hayez+-+Crucifixion+with+Mary+Magdalene+Kneeling+and+Weeping.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuBXHq1w2Ud3TrUPs4h83aDGdJ6NwZYOD2XGBLTlZQHVVpAIyMG81CaFPQU9hlziKzzNcp5QnJTFA_0hbHL1nne7hjotaQlLX5LxvyKpO1fyMCuqdToRXFBca9ssQHV8zjAbLK3-7PgiM/s1600/Francesco+Hayez+-+Crucifixion+with+Mary+Magdalene+Kneeling+and+Weeping.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lastly we have this painting by Francesco Hayez,
titled: Crucifixion with Mary Magdalene
Kneeling and Weeping. In this image we see brought together all three of her
roles. She is wiping his feet with her hair, as she did to honor him at the
home of the Pharisee. Now she does it to comfort him in his agony. See how one
arm embraces the cross? At the time, she would not have known its glory, but
from the perspective of history, we the viewer can see that the cross is an instrument
of salvation. Just as she was forgiven all her sins, so are we. The cross is glorious, we adore it as
we adore Christ because he sanctified it. We will venerate the cross this coming Holy
Thursday, as Mary Magdalene is doing here. Look now at her face. Her eyes are
downcast, yet she has a slight smile, and her face is bright like the line of
the horizon behind her. The darkness surrounds Jesus, except for a circle
almost like a halo just around the top
of the cross. But around Mary it is not dark.
She still has Jesus, and that brings her hope and life. But death is coming. The skull beside the
Cross, Christ's closed eyes, and the descending darkness makes that clear. Here were are at the very last moments of Christ’s
life, and Mary is clinging to him, and clinging to the Cross.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When Mary Magdalene sees the man at Jesus’ tomb, she thinks
he is a gardener. It doesn’t occur to her that it is Jesus. She is blinded by
her grief, her own human failings, because in that moment, she believed her
struggles were greater than God himself.
She has forgotten Christ’s promise that he will rebuild this temple in
three days (Cf, Jn 2:19). She, who sat
at the feet of Jesus as he suffered on the cross, does not recognize that
Christ is standing in front of her. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Take a moment now to see God in this painting, and to seek
Him in your heart and in your everyday fears and hardships.</div>
Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-49616618364936068672017-03-23T19:15:00.000-07:002017-03-23T19:15:20.546-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNBpGR9pzkIJuqXGVIhlnQmSJT3eir__-Kzm59-56fkjNpfyNpYOe6XhK2AXiel2b7MMXErP_Yf2VrxwchFPgv2zhxUTPDCt2d8Yx2dCsS9Ze3-5ESgixhJWodV9QtBJlZ7dsoaBEqPF8/s1600/20161214_013426976_iOS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNBpGR9pzkIJuqXGVIhlnQmSJT3eir__-Kzm59-56fkjNpfyNpYOe6XhK2AXiel2b7MMXErP_Yf2VrxwchFPgv2zhxUTPDCt2d8Yx2dCsS9Ze3-5ESgixhJWodV9QtBJlZ7dsoaBEqPF8/s400/20161214_013426976_iOS.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
I post this picture to illustrate what my life is like these days. Not because it's a great picture (which it is) but because this was MEANT to be my holiday card picture. I send cards every year, real cards, that I write in by hand with a nice little personalized Christmas message. I also enclose a picture and a letter detailing what we've been up to the past year. I love it. I send almost a hundred every year and it's a wonderful tradition that I'm very happy with.<br />
<br />
However. This year I COULD NOT get the picture to work. My friend took this one of us when I realized that the pictures I'd had my dad take in August were not accessible from any phone but his. Then for a long time I couldn't figure out how to access this one, either. Finally my husband just emailed it to me (old school tech.) Even then I couldn't get it to print properly on our printer. It kept coming out all yellowed. I decided to spring for actual photos, and went to Shutterfly to place an order for pick up at Target. They wouldn't let me order more than 9. In case you missed that part, I send 10x that number of cards.<br />
<br />
So, I could have called them, maybe, and tried to figure it out, but since it was pretty much a week till Christmas at that point I called it and decided no picture with my card this year.<br />
<br />
And that's everything right now. Good intentions + massive effort = dismal failure. Let's review!<br />
<br />
<u>Homeschool</u><br />
It's hard to view this year's attempt at homeschooling as anything but a flaming trainwreck, unless it's to look at it as a dumpster fire. I could not get my 10 year old to do anything. For the first three months we went on a field trip every week and kept a loose schedule to see where her interests and learning style lay. When that resulted in very little work being accomplished, I put together a daily schedule and sat beside her to work on every subject. She got WORSE. Over Thanksgiving I had many conversations with her, my husband, and friends who homeschooled, and the best we could determine was that she was sabotaging the experience because she hated being at home. She claimed she didn't know how to write a paragraph, so I assigned her one sentence. She couldn't even do that. Literally, lying on the floor, kicking her legs and crying, claiming she "didn't know what to write." I started bringing her to the library every morning for three hours and whatever was done in that time was our work for the day. I had to limit the number of hours that I'd work with her because otherwise it ate up the whole day. Every science test I gave her was an F. She wasn't on track to finish her math at grade level. She wouldn't do her writing assignments or her grammar. The only thing she enjoyed was Latin and read-alouds. If she had been doing art, or anything constructive, I could have at least pointed to that and said, hey, she's learning and growing in this area, so it's okay. But after about a month of homeschool, she refused to work on her art at all. <br />
<br />
During this same period of time, my son refused to do the work assigned to him by his homeschool co-op, and during conferences managed to convince them that he'd learn better if he did all his work online. After Thanksgiving, seeing that he had turned nothing in and was spending his "school hours" playing video games, I sat him at a computer where I could see the screen to ensure that he was actually doing work. Still, he wouldn't turn in his projects. On the last day of the semester I went in to his co-op for a celebration, and tracked down one of his teachers to let her know that he was prepared to present four projects that day. She'd had no idea he'd even done them. He ended the semester with a D, two Cs, and a B-. And that B- was an F before I intervened. So we thought about it and determined that it wasn't working, and we needed to accept that and change course. They both started at public school by the third week of January and are doing well. My daughter keeps asking to be homeschooled next year because she doesn't like all the homework. But seeing what she's able to produce in the environment vs what she refused to do with me, I can't see that homeschool is at all an option for us anymore.<br />
<br />
<u>Whole 30</u><br />
After we got back from our Disney Trip, I put the family on a Whole 30 diet. Mostly I wanted to curtail the habits we'd picked up over the holidays of having dessert 3-4 times a day and whining for snacks constantly. My husband and I also wanted to lose some weight, as we didn't fit into our pants. For me, there were health issues I wanted to cure, as I've had stomachaches, heartburn, and digestive issues (to state it delicately!) The diet itself was fine; it was difficult but not impossible. We ate a lot of fruit which helped with sugar cravings, and I had a repertoire of recipes from GAPS and from friends who have gone through it. Unfortunately, I saw no improvement of any kind, whether in weight loss or reduction of my cravings or digestive symptoms. My husband says he lost some weight, but I don't think either of us saw the results we were hoping for, especially considering how much work I put into cooking every single meal for those 30 days. (Part of the diet involves not eating out.) So I am still eating a limited diet to avoid aggravating my heartburn, and wearing skirts and sweatpants as much as possible. Not happy.<br />
<br />
<u>The Book</u><br />
Is still on hiatus. I stopped writing a year ago (April 2016) because I just couldn't handle having a puppy on top of everything else. I had too much work to be able to take a whole Saturday and write. Once the kids went back to school, people were asking if I planned to work on the book again. The short answer is, no. Not yet. To my mind, the book is a huge time and resource commitment with a slim chance of low return. Getting published requires more than talent and hard work; you have to also write the sort of book publishers are looking for right now, and that people want to read. Short of stumbling upon some sort of Harry Potter or Twilight niche, the best I can hope for is to make around $20,000. So I've never felt that it was appropriate to expend my family's resources on writing when my contributions are so necessary in other areas. But the real reason is that I just don't think I'm good enough at writing to get anywhere with it. It's going to have to be a hobby for me; not a profession. My husband says that's exactly the wrong attitude, and if I want to be a successful writer I have to make failure a non-option. That the only way to get better at it is to sink time and energy and training into becoming better. It's wonderful to have someone who believes in me, and I appreciate everything he's saying. I'm sure he's right. But again it comes down to the fact that this can't be the right time for me to invest in the book. We are investing in other things right now. The book must wait.<br />
<br />
<u>Parenting</u><br />
People insist that I have great kids. I agree, but it's not easy to get them there. I am very tired of the fighting and arguing. On the one hand there's been great improvement in this area because my confidence as an authority has skyrocketed in the last year. I know that it's right for me to manage their screen time, to insist they eat a balanced diet, to require them to help around the house. So I expect all these things, and, as children do, they fight me constantly because they don't want to do them. Each child has his/her own unique method of resistance. Maizie fusses and cries and complains. Pookie screams "I hate you!" hits, and calls me stupid. Doob does a bad job and claims it should count. And Ginny shuts down and refuses to comply, then offers snide remarks to extended family at my expense. Among the many fine abilities my husband has, discipline is not one. Nor does he have time to figure out and enforce the massive network of rules and arrangements I've established with the kids. The end result is that I expend an enormous amount of work (mental and otherwise) to keep on top of the kids. I really feel parenting shouldn't be quite this hard, and I'm wondering when the fruits of my labors are going to show. The truth is, sometimes I don't like being around any of them. Those fleeting moments of joy, like when I watch my 5 year old riding a bike for the first time, or hear the peals of laughter as all four jump on the trampoline together, or receive a spontaneous hug from the 3 year old, are present every day and make the journey worthwhile. Yet they are too few to really sustain me.<br />
<br />
<u>Prayer</u><br />
It will come as no surprise, given this self-indulgent and whiny post, that my prayer life has been a struggle, too. When I find time and energy to be with the Lord, I feel so much better. Going on a mini-retreat with my mother's group, reading a spiritual book, or even something as simple as listening to Christian music is enough to draw me right back to where I am fed and sustained from the grace of God. Yet there is SO MUCH NOISE, not just in my house but in my head. Concentrating on anything is so difficult. What I really long for is escape...re-reading a book I love, or imagining scenes from my world in my head. Prayer takes effort, and I have expended so much elsewhere that it's hard to find the motivation. I know that I need it. I know that it will help me. I want to do it, yet I don't. I feel much like a person who realizes that cooking an actual meal will nourish them best, but they grab a packet of potato chips instead. Not that I do that. I am a superstar on the nutritional front. But I'm filling up on processed prayer.<br />
<br />
I know that the answer is quite simple. Trust God. Keep moving forward. Do what's right and the rest will follow. I know that I'm a good parent, and my kids will be fine. I would love to just shut off the neurotic parts of my brain that question everything I do and whisper that I'm the problem. I envy the amazing women in my life who don't overthink every damn little thing. I can recognize, intellectually, that things are getting better.<br />
<br />
I know I am slightly (if not severely) depressed. My OB and I are working on some supplements that may help better than the SSRIs I was on for three years (and which I didn't feel did much.) In the meantime, I'm just going to keep doing what I need to do and seizing joy wherever it finds me. Most days are better than today.Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-51902846926207977882016-11-06T20:04:00.002-07:002016-11-06T21:48:53.224-07:002016 Ballot, Colorado<br />
<div style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img alt="" height="320" src="https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/14900565_213147999118053_1829696975014925720_n.jpg?oh=45bc9fa28d62f6aa619ce37731fbd838&oe=58D41EDE" title="" width="320" /></div>
<br />
<br />
Let's leave the Presidential race aside for a moment...<br />
<br />
<b>Senator</b><br />
<u style="background-color: white;"><br /></u>
<span style="background-color: yellow;"><u>Michael Bennet (D</u>)</span><span style="background-color: white;">, Incumbent, successful record of bipartisan leadership in Congress. Top issues include agriculture bills, access to health care, clean energy, immigration reform, and education. Supports a strong military, helps veterans get care. Former superintendent of Denver Public Schools. 100% NARAL and PP rating. Opposed conscience clauses for birth control coverage!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><u>Darryl Glenn (R)</u> </span>-- By all accounts a bit of a hothead, extremely conservative. Called Democrats evil and said "working across the aisle" is just another way of saying capitulate to Democratic policies. Pro Life, but it doesn't appear on his website and has flip flopped on the issue, at first declaring he'd want his daughters to have access to all their options so they could make the decision themselves. Against any form of government monitoring of guns! Military veteran. It's possible once he got into office he would mellow, recognizing the need for cooperation with his colleagues. Likely to have little impact for his freshman term but could provide key votes on big issues depending on the rest of the Senate's make up.<br />
<br />
<i>* Not pleased with the Denver Post's coverage<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">. "Glenn did not explain why he is blacklisting Colorado’s largest newspaper, but in <a href="https://soundcloud.com/bigmedia-org/on-kfka-1310am-darryl-glenn-addresses-his-grievances-with-denver-post-reporting-82516" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(0, 52, 89); border-bottom-style: dotted; border-image: initial; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: initial; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: initial; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: initial; border-width: 0px 0px 1px; box-sizing: inherit; color: #003459; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">an interview</a> Thursday with KFKA talk radio, he appeared to link his decision to the Post’s coverage of his <a href="http://www.denverpost.com/2016/07/27/darryl-glenn-responds-1983-assault-charge-father/" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(0, 52, 89); border-bottom-style: dotted; border-image: initial; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: initial; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: initial; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: initial; border-width: 0px 0px 1px; box-sizing: inherit; color: #003459; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">conflicting explanations</a> of <a href="http://www.denverpost.com/2016/07/26/darryl-glenn-1983-assault-charge-police-report/" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(0, 52, 89); border-bottom-style: dotted; border-image: initial; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: initial; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: initial; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: initial; border-width: 0px 0px 1px; box-sizing: inherit; color: #003459; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">a 1983 charge</a> for third-degree assault, which was later dropped." NO mention in this paragraph or the rest of the article that the third-degree assault was when he defended his MOTHER against domestic violence from his Dad!!!!! So misleading.</span></i><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><u>Lily Tang Williams (L)</u> -- She is clearly passionate, but too biased by her communist upbringing to be in politics. She should advocate for issues as a lobbyist, not be in charge of anything. Pro choice, but supports restrictions based on viability of the fetus and empowering States to regulate the issue.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><u>Arn Menconi (G</u>)</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"> -- Intelligent, well spoken, lots of integrity. Endorsed by Boulder Weekly. Clearly very left-leaning. Anti-war, pro-individual freedoms. Firmly pro-choice. Issues not clearly defined, but supports allowing path to citizenship for illegal immigrants and typical liberal policies like increasing minimum wage and making college free. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><u>Third Party</u>: Lumping the rest together. Very little info on any of them. Platform for Dan Chapin looks good, but no info on abortion and no experience working in government. Would like to be friends with some of these people but that's not how I base my vote.</span><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Representative (finally an easy one!)</b><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><u style="background-color: yellow;">Mike Coffman (R)</u><span style="background-color: white;">: Retired Marine, Incumbent. Supports path to citizenship, instituted bill to allow military service for illegal immigants. Said he doesn't care for Trump and would stand up to him. Pro-life. Good track record of bi-partisan policies. Has moved farther left since his district became more diverse.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><u>Morgan Carroll (D)</u>: Track record of bipartisan success while a Colorado Senator. Top issues are education reform to allow more people to afford college, gun control, campaign finance reform, fair wages, and civil rights for disabled, LGBT, minorities, etc. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><u>Norm Olsen (L)</u>: No experience</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><u>Robert Lee Worthey (G)</u>: Lots of great ideas, no record of working in politics or achieving any of them. Complete and total reform of everything is just not a viable option.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>State Senator and Representative</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<u><span style="background-color: yellow;">Jack Tate (R)</span> v Tom Sullivan (D) </u>Tom Sullivan's son was killed at the theater shootings in Aurora a year ago. I sympathize with his pain, but that doesn't make him a viable political candidate. He doesn't have developed positions on most issues except gun control and subsidized housing. He is running as a Democrat, so I assume with his NARAL endorsement that he is pro-choice. Jack Tate is an incumbent with a great track record and endorsements from all sorts of varied organizations. He's a Catholic father of three who has won awards for his time in office. His positions are reasonable and put families, jobs, and the overall welfare of Coloradan's above partisan interests.<br />
<u><br /></u>
<u><span style="background-color: yellow;">Susan Beckman (R)</span> v Robert Bowen (D):</u> Susan has been county commissioner, her husband is mayor of Littleton. Her interests are in maintaining local jurisdiction, fiscal responsibility, and strengthening infrastructure, especially transportation. Robert Bowen goes to my church and has wonderful ideas on helping the poor and vulnerable, then says this<span style="font-family: inherit;"> "<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">the Supreme Court has ruled that women have a right to use contraception and obtain an abortion up until the point that the fetus becomes viable. Like other Catholics in public office, like Vice-president Biden and others, I will not support any bill that takes away those constitutional rights regardless of my personal religious views. That includes personhood bills, trap laws, or other back-door attempts to take away women’s rights under the constitution." In other words, any legislation that would limit abortion must be opposed, even a sensible law that would charge<a href="http://www.cnn.com/2015/03/26/us/colorado-pregnant-woman-attack/" target="_blank"> this woman </a>with murder for cutting an unborn baby out of a stranger's womb. But that's just an attempt to take away women's reproductive rights. (Sigh)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<b>CU Regent</b><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: yellow;"><u>Alice Madden (D)</u> </span>gets my vote because her opponent is partisan and closed-minded, which is not right for the governing body of a university.<br />
<br />
<b>State Board of Education Member</b><br />
<br />
<u><span style="background-color: yellow;">Debora Scheffel (R)</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span>vs Rebecca McClellan (D)</u> Wow. Both intelligent, compassionate, committed women with a heart for making CO schools serve the kids and the community, both emphasizing listening to and working closely with districts and local supervisors, both incredibly well-spoken and thoughtful. Republicans tend to favor fewer mandates and more local control, but also don't give schools the funding they need, so which approach would be better? Going to stick with the incumbent, I think.<br />
<br />
<b>Justices and Judges</b>: <span style="background-color: yellow;">Retain ALL </span>as recommended by an independent <a href="http://www.coloradojudicialperformance.gov/review.cfm?year=2016" target="_blank">review board</a> for Colorado.<br />
<br />
<b>Ballot Questions</b><br />
<br />
<u>T</u>: Revoke criminal exception to slavery. <span style="background-color: yellow;">FOR </span>(Working while incarcerated and mandated community service is NOT slavery. WTF people?)<br />
<br />
<u>U</u>: Exempt posessory interest from property tax <span style="background-color: yellow;">FOR </span>(Cut back unnecessary government activities; the amount is negligible.)<br />
<br />
<u>69</u>: Create state-run healthcare system AGAINST (Increasing taxes for an undetermined state plan that doesn't have the power of a Federal system to negotiate with providers and insurance companies is not the answer to our health care problems.) Colorado Medical Practitioners oppose, as does just about everyone else.<br />
<br />
<u>70:</u> Increase minimum wage <span style="background-color: yellow;">AGAINST </span>(Federal law already mandates an increase, this measure would increase more and faster than necessary with possible detriment to agriculture and restaurant industries. Would also require another amendment to adjust it, whereas I prefer the legislature to have authority over that.)<br />
<br />
<u>71</u>: Make it harder to put initiatives on the ballot <span style="background-color: yellow;">FOR </span>(Why do we have elected representatives if we're going to throw every issue out to the people with the only requirement gaining signatures that you could get in an hour at a downtown Lite Rail stop? Prop 106 shouldn't even be on the ballot, since it has twice been rejected by the State Legislature, yet here we are about to pass it!)<br />
<br />
<u>72</u>: Increase taxes on tobacco products <span style="background-color: yellow;">AGAINST </span>(Spending is locked into the constitution. This doesn't need to be a constitutional amendment. It's short-sighted and impacts low income addicts disproportionately. We should be taxing liquor instead.)<br />
<br />
<u>106: </u>Legalize "Aid in Dying" Medication <span style="background-color: yellow;">AGAINST </span>(This bill has been twice defeated at the state level in the legislature because it lacks standards of protection and reporting. Proponents argue that other states with such legalization have had no incidences of fraud, but that's because it's impossible to track activity that can't be reported. It's not the answer, nor is it as easy and painless as proponents lead others to believe. There is a real danger that passing this amendment will encourage abuses like in <a href="http://nypost.com/2016/10/24/terminally-ill-mom-denied-treatment-coverage-but-gets-suicide-drugs-approved/" target="_blank">California </a>and <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=5517492&page=1" target="_blank">Oregon </a>where the right to receive medical treatment is denied to those who want to live.)<br />
<br />
<u>107 and 108</u>: Amend the political primary system to allow unaffiliated voters participate <span style="background-color: yellow;">FOR</span>(I'm for these amendments but read them wrong and filled out the wrong circle so I'm technically voting against but encourage others to support them. GAH.)<br />
<br />
<b>President</b><br />
<br />
Sigh.<br />
<br />
<u>Trump/Pence (R)</u><br />
<u><br /></u>
I have yet to hear a credible reason to vote for this ticket. I know many people, kind and intelligent, who support Trump for various reasons. I disagree with them wholeheartedly, with every breath in my body.<br />
<br />
To those who say we as Catholics must vote <span style="color: magenta;">pro-life</span>, I say TRUMP IS NOT PRO-LIFE and anyone who believes he will place the rights of the unborn above any other issue has not been paying close attention to who he is and what he represents. I hear things like:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 17.5px;">What an incredible reparation Mr. Trump is making now for any past faults by the very fact that he is running as the Republican nominee for president and is ready to nominate the right kind of judges and sign the right kinds of legislation, which will steer our nation away from so many morally corrupt public policies. A penitent sinner could hardly have a more substantial opportunity to make reparation.</span>From <a href="http://www.lifenews.com/2016/11/04/catholic-priest-claims-donald-trump-voters-are-going-to-hell/" target="_blank">LifeSitenews</a> </blockquote>
<br />
I remain unconvinced that he has had a change of heart and is actively attempting to make reparation. It does not seem likely to me that this man, who is uncompromising in his own self-righteousness and has never apologized or admitted fault for the statements he's made about women, minorities, immigrants, those of other religions, or those who disagree with him, is likely to be honestly and sincerely attempting to reform his position to align with his party. It is MUCH MORE LIKELY that he is lying, saying whatever he needs to say to retain conservative support, and pretending until he reaches his goal, at which point he will no longer have any reason to be pro-life and can allow the issue to fade from his consciousness.<br />
<br />
To those who say <span style="color: magenta;">we should vote the platform</span> that aligns with our beliefs, or that Pence is a decent person and a great candidate, I say THERE CAN BE NO PLATFORM IF THE CANDIDATE REJECTS IT. He cannot be trusted to embrace any Republican principles once he gets into office because he cannot be trusted, period. The idea that the Republicans in office will be able to exert control over him once he is President with a system of filibusters or checks and balances, is preposterous. They have no control over him right now. He steamrolls his advisory committee, contradicts his running mate, and insults anyone (including the top brass of his party) who dares to question his integrity or his suitability for office.<br />
<br />
To those who say <span style="color: magenta;">he will do something about illegal immigration</span>, I say IT IS NEITHER FEASIBLE NOR REASONABLE TO BUILD A WALL. The answer to illegal immigration and abuses of the welfare system by illegal immigrants will not be solved by closing our borders, they will be solved by comprehensive reform that includes a path to citizenship, migrant work visas, and other measures that address the very real needs of illegal immigrants while also protecting American economic interests and security.<br />
<br />
To those who say <span style="color: magenta;">he will name conservative judges to the Supreme Court</span>, I say WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE IS GOING TO DO. Nor do I believe it is wise to give great power to someone unstable in the vague hope he will promote powerful people who agree with our values. If Trump doesn't agree with our values, why will he appoint others who do? Once he is in power, what motivation does he have to do anything other than support those issues he has spent a lifetime promoting (increasing his own wealth and destroying anyone who opposes him?)<br />
<br />
To those who say <span style="color: magenta;">he will create jobs and prosperity</span> because he is an intelligent businessman who thinks outside the box, I say NOTHING CAN BE ACCOMPLISHED WITHOUT COOPERATION, and Trump has no ability or desire to cooperate.<br />
<br />
To those who say <span style="color: magenta;">he's better than Hillary,</span> I say IN WHAT WAY? No matter what issue, belief, character flaw, or policy you find objectionable in Hillary, TRUMP IS WORSE.<br />
<br />
There is no way I will vote for Trump. I implore you to also avoid voting for this reprehensible human being who has never demonstrated he is capable of anything but lying, bullying, cheating, abusing, posturing, and misogyny. Please. PLEASE. Do not put this man in charge of our country.<br />
<u><br /></u>
<u style="background-color: yellow;">Clinton/Kaine (D)</u><br />
<br />
I believe Hillary will be an effective president. She is smart. She is able to bring people together and accomplish things. She is the most experienced and qualified person ever to run for President in the history of our country. She knows everyone in the world, has seen the Presidency from the inside, and has dedicated her entire adulthood to public service. She truly cares about people, and about America.<br />
<br />
I support almost every one of her policies. I think she is brilliant and her plans will help the middle class, create jobs, protect children, increase tolerance and prosperity, and advance the American Dream. I don't agree with her support of the Iran nuclear deal, but am willing to support her efforts to gain allies in the Middle East if it means that we will actually defeat ISIS on the ground and create opportunities for real democracy in that region. I don't particularly like the people who support her and I don't agree with many of the decisions she has made, but I acknowledge her brilliance and believe she is, at her core, a good person who has a passion for making the world a better place.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: magenta;">I fundamentally disagree with her on two key policies. </span>I am particularly concerned with her increasingly virulent opposition to any measures that would restrict or regulate abortion, and her stance against conscience clauses and religious freedom in general. For a long time, I have felt the Democratic party is moving away from a respect for religious participation in the public square, and that it has been hijacked by extreme pro-abortion factions that don't allow for even the most reasonable restrictions on abortion.<br />
<br />
It am heartsick that someone as intelligent and wonderful as Hillary is pro-choice. I know early in her career, she was much less stringent in her support for abortion on demand at any stage of development and for any reason. I know that is it her party and the growing extremism of our political process that has pushed her so far to the left.<br />
<br />
My faith has urged me over and over to prayerfully consider life issues at the forefront of any political decision. Abortion is an intrinsic evil, it is never justified, never "necessary." So many good and caring people believe life is sacred, but do not want to interfere in difficult moral situations, or impose their views on another person when doing so would inflict suffering on them. I do not see pro-choice politicians as supporting an intrinsic evil because they themselves are evil. I do not believe that anyone who supports abortion must necessarily be wrong on every other issue. Nor do I believe that a simple statement that one supports overturning Roe v Wade is enough to offset anti-life policies in other areas of the law, particularly when the process to overturn Roe v Wade is so lengthy, difficult, and fraught with conflict at every stage that it is in all practicality impossible. I will not allow my vote to be hijacked by a movement whose fundamental principles I espouse but whose methods I believe are misguided and doomed to failure.<br />
<br />
Until this point, I have never voted for either major party in a Presidential election. But I am doing so in this election because the need to keep Trump out of office supersedes all other issues. <span style="background-color: magenta;">Preventing a Trump Presidency IS a life issue.</span> The lives of immigrants, refugees, soldiers, women, the poor, and Muslims are truly at stake. If a conservative blogger who opposes Trump is <a href="http://www.miamiherald.com/news/politics-government/article68305512.html" target="_blank">receiving death threats</a> from Trump supporters, and has to have police protection when he leaves his home, that is undeniably a life issue. <span style="color: magenta;">This man's LIFE is being threatened by those who support Trump, and the Presidential Candidate has not spoken out against it. On the contrary, he has encouraged violence against those who oppose him at his rallies and in speeches. </span>Electing Trump will create a culture where violence is not only tolerated, but sanctioned, and where incendiary language is used to inflame divisions and hatreds even between people who otherwise agree. Nor is it hypothetical to imagine he will use military means to achieve his ends when he has always used force to get what he wants.<br />
<br />
<u>Johnson/Weld (L)</u><br />
<br />
In general, I don't support the Libertarian platform. There are a few issues here and there, but the major ones (protection of the unborn and providing government care for the poor) are not supported by Libertarians while issues that I find troubling (lack of strong military, legalization of all recreational drugs) are promoted. I strongly considered voting for Johnson, however, because I find both the Democratic platform and the Republican platform to have major flaws. I would like to see them both reformed, or perhaps a third or fourth party enter the race. I prefer a coalition government to form during an administration, centered around individual issues. I feel this form of government would allow for more flexibility and facilitate cooperation instead of our current system, which creates division and drives a wedge between two extreme positions. Republicans oppose whatever Democrats support, and our fractured system has slowed, and at times even stopped, political progress. While I understand that, in general, a two party system provides greater stability, it is apparent from our current situation that it doesn't always work out that way.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: magenta;">I do not believe in any sense of the word that voting for a third party candidate is "throwing away your vote." </span><br />
<br />
In response to <a href="https://medium.com/@cshirky/theres-no-such-thing-as-a-protest-vote-c2fdacabd704#.w83dn81bx" target="_blank">this article</a> which claims there is only three options: 1. Vote for the candidate you like best. 2. Vote against the candidate you dislike most. 3. Allow others to make the decision for you (not voting, or voting for a third party both fall into this category.)<br />
<br />
First, there is a big difference between voting third party and not voting. As the article rightly points out, in an environment where many people decide not to vote for passive reasons, it is impossible to distinguish those who decide not to vote as a protest. However, choosing to vote third party cannot be seen as anything other than a rejection of the two major parties. Most of the electorate find themselves able to support one of the major party candidates. For those who cannot, voting third party is a way to voice those values we seek and are unable to find in the major party platforms. It also means that our values mean so much to us we are unable to abandon them. It is, at its core, a protest and an attempt to make our voices heard.<br />
<br />
The author of the article makes it clear that we have a two party system, and voting for a third party is ridiculous because it changes nothing. Perhaps it doesn't change the two party system. I'm not sure anything could change it, given that it would require a constitutional amendment which would have to be proposed and supported by one of the two major parties! So how, other than a protest vote, can the populace express their desire for reform? Moreover, it doesn't have to change the two party system, per se, it just has to change the two <i>parties</i>.<br />
<br />
All that being said, I've decided the stakes are too high to risk a Trump presidency. Since I would not have voted Trump in any situation, voting for Johnson takes a vote away from Hillary, and I'm not willing to do that in a swing state with so much on the line.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: magenta;">* I would like to note that it has taken me over seven hours to write this post. I have done nothing all day except research and think and pray, and this is after following closely the election coverage since the nominees were announced this Spring. If you have a comment, I welcome it, but I won't tolerate name-calling, insults, or disparagement against my intelligence, the sincerity of my faith, or my efforts to do what I believe is right following the dictates of an informed conscience. </span>Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-47055298077499446162016-10-10T11:32:00.000-07:002016-10-10T11:32:02.272-07:00Because I Like to Make Lists..Things I have "let go" of:<br />
<br />
Having a clean house<br />
Furniture without stains, unbroken furniture, new furniture<br />
Carpet that doesn't smell like poop<br />
Carpet that doesn't smell like pee<br />
Free time<br />
Sleep<br />
My book<br />
Going to the gym<br />
TV and reading<br />
<br />
Things I have "let go" of for my eldest:<br />
<br />
College<br />
Respect<br />
Effort<br />
Doing schoolwork<br />
Tae Kwon Do<br />
Basketball<br />
Tennis<br />
Practicing Guitar<br />
Doing his chores<br />
Showering<br />
Laundry<br />
Kindness<br />
<br />
<br />
Things I have "let go" of for my girls:<br />
<br />
Any expectations for emotional regulation<br />
Dressing appropriately for the weather<br />
Eating well<br />
Avoiding dairy<br />
<br />
Things I have "let go" of for my youngest:<br />
Potty training<br />
Screaming<br />
<br />
Things I am trying to focus on for everyone but the eldest:<br />
<br />
Everyone has inherent dignity, we should respect ourselves and others.<br />
Thoughtfullness<br />
Gratitude<br />
Trying new things is part of growth<br />
Making mistakes is ok<br />
God loves you, follow Him<br />
You are precious to me and I am always here for you.<br />
Books are life.<br />
<br />
Things I am trying to focus on for my eldest:<br />
<br />
This is my house, you don't set the rules here.<br />
If you don't care, I can't care for you.<br />
It's your life.<br />
I love you no matter what, but that doesn't mean I like what you do.Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-9387688659778379112016-09-12T21:10:00.000-07:002016-09-12T21:10:45.409-07:00<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCfgCCSEywIYGFm43JwcdFoNjyO7OTgDunjLRp4Y0NaTYMl_5Dt175Juuh2PJkcv4sRH9FFf8fAd5ZiBdziOV9XegGtUBlXVVV4fYCWFgSUx1CMGFoMRyV8bNCXJar5Mh2Xz5LTZFL-mI/s1600/28484-Princess-Tiara.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCfgCCSEywIYGFm43JwcdFoNjyO7OTgDunjLRp4Y0NaTYMl_5Dt175Juuh2PJkcv4sRH9FFf8fAd5ZiBdziOV9XegGtUBlXVVV4fYCWFgSUx1CMGFoMRyV8bNCXJar5Mh2Xz5LTZFL-mI/s320/28484-Princess-Tiara.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.lovethispic.com/image/28484/princess-tiara" target="_blank">Image Credit</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
They say the best defense is a strong offense. So guess what? I've decided to just ROCK ON, baby. I know I'm responding to a call here, and it doesn't matter how hard it gets, or whether there is anything to show for it at the end of the day, or whether I meet other people's expectations, or how many people think I should be doing something else.<br />
<br />See this crown on my head? Know where I got it? I happen to be a daughter of the King of Kings, my friends. That's right. And there's a whole army of angels that's standing ready to do battle for me against any spiritual warfare that might come my way. Because that's all this is.<br />
<br />
So BRING IT.<br />
<br />
I have everything I need in Christ. He's my rock, He's my fortress. He is a Mighty God.<br />
<br />
I'm placing all my trust in Him and continuing to be awesome. Because I am. And He is the Great I Am! Somehow, He's going to give me what I need. Or, the spectacular failure of this enterprise is going to have a bright side that I can't predict or see right now. Either way, He's got this, and therefore it will be good.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"God has not called me to be successful. He has called me to be faithful."</blockquote>
<blockquote>
- St. Teresa of Calcutta </blockquote>
<br />
That is all.Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-27617991501200358342016-08-23T22:11:00.000-07:002016-08-23T22:11:12.646-07:00Never Thought I'd Find Such Peace<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJhmyDsY4YQqCX6XukpOM0nYWcvPd4CPZ8bbsP6oODxPD1HnIRSXm1Eq-nJ1xN-YUq2eV0U2F9i-GIukBn4ClSgq38fzOFZuhqzhMZVmGgRPPPVWX3GcY0ky4lwHMVEp24slEyIi0jvZ8/s1600/Content.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJhmyDsY4YQqCX6XukpOM0nYWcvPd4CPZ8bbsP6oODxPD1HnIRSXm1Eq-nJ1xN-YUq2eV0U2F9i-GIukBn4ClSgq38fzOFZuhqzhMZVmGgRPPPVWX3GcY0ky4lwHMVEp24slEyIi0jvZ8/s320/Content.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
We are a few days into the new school year and I am exhausted but joyful. Praise God, who is always faithful and patient with my tendencies to extremism and hasty decisions! I am still homeschooling. My eldest (ADHD) is in 8th grade and participating in a classical homeschool program nearby. He goes two mornings a week. I am also homeschooling my eldest daughter for her 4th grade year and sending her to a one day a week Options program through a local school district. I am thrilled about this, because she is a delight in every way and I am hoping homeschool will provide her with more time to work on her art and other special projects. My 5 year old daughter is attending Kindergarten at our local public school. She is the first of my kids to ride the bus every day and she is LOVING it. She has made friends and seems very comfortable in the environment. They youngest is heading to Montessori as soon as he is potty trained (please God, this week would be great.)<br />
<br />
So although I have four kids in four different schools, plus new pressures and challenges, I am feeling very much at peace. The decision was agonizing, but I just kept coming back to two main truths. 1. I am called to homeschooling. 2. No decision I make with the best interests of my children at heart will destroy their lives. I can always change course if I see that things are not working out for them because my goal is their well-being.<br />
<br />
I am feeling generally good, even though I am nowhere near on top of things. I need to get more sleep and hopefully find some more time to spend on self-care (showering, reading, praying, going out with friends.) I have two book clubs, a mom's ministry, two game nights a month, a psychologist, and a standing appointment with a massage therapist once a month. I really do have things in place to help me. The challenge is to plan my days in advance so I am not behind, rushing to things, or having to scramble in the moment.<br />
<br />
My prayer for this homeschool year is kindness and joy. I am praying each day for enthusiasm, both for what we learn and for what my children share with me about their passions. It is particularly hard to be interested in my eldest's offerings, because I simply do not share a sense of humor with a 13 year old boy! I am prioritizing the daily one on one times I spend with them at night, even though by then I'm thoroughly tapped. If that's one thing I can give them each day, then it will be enough.<br />
<br />
I am trusting in the Lord. I am being patient with myself and my kids.<br />
<br />
The cleaners came today. I feel like I can breathe again!!Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-50991970402524173142016-07-12T07:21:00.001-07:002016-07-12T07:21:05.425-07:00On Swimming Against the Current<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUPTKaSFJ5yQD9qjJ2vEhzehdqqlrtmFsbVhk51NtokSPY4nnjOx-BocSdFVyhYk1pr0CImcTANHKiRE8tTjbfHE1QD81t2zKRU6JB9MljJpUpzZtdmqZQr8syRmOwGWVz3IDjLU2905M/s1600/distressed+swimmer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUPTKaSFJ5yQD9qjJ2vEhzehdqqlrtmFsbVhk51NtokSPY4nnjOx-BocSdFVyhYk1pr0CImcTANHKiRE8tTjbfHE1QD81t2zKRU6JB9MljJpUpzZtdmqZQr8syRmOwGWVz3IDjLU2905M/s400/distressed+swimmer.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://slidellmemorial.org/health-blog/how-to-respond-to-a-distressed-swimmer" target="_blank">Image Credit</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I attended our local homeschool conference this past weekend, run by the Rocky Mountain Catholic Home Educators Conference (RMCHEC) and held at my parish. It was amazing on so many levels, and exactly what I needed.<br />
<br />
The keynote speaker was Larraine Bennet, author of The Temperament God Gave You, who spoke at length on the temperament and how it relates to learning style and your child's homeschool needs. <span style="color: magenta;"><b>Two things really stood out for me: 1. My melancholic personality is contributing GREATLY to my struggles as a parent and home educator and 2. I don't know what to do about it.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta;"><b><br /></b></span>
<a href="http://temperaments.fighunter.com/?page=melancholic" target="_blank">Melancholic characteristics </a>line up very well with the <a href="http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html" target="_blank">INFJ personality type</a> from Myers-Briggs, unsurprisingly, since I believe that personality types are grounded in truth and therefore each of us will manifest a "type" regardless of which metric we use to assess ourselves. Some of my challenges include:<br />
<br />
Tendency towards perfectionism<br />
Strong need for solitude to decompress<br />
High standards for self and others<br />
Extreme sensitivity to others feelings and needs<br />
Inability to take criticism<br />
Insatiable desire for knowledge<br />
Overly analytic and anxious<br />
<br />
There are, of course, many great benefits to my personality. I am a rare bird (1% of the population by some estimates) and my intuition and genuine interest in others means I am a loyal and wise friend, and (hopefully) a force for good in the world. But I really agree with this point here:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: #ebebeb; color: #00008f; font-family: geneva, arial, helvetica; font-size: 16px;">Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.</span></blockquote>
So while listening to the speaker on Saturday, I was reminded forcefully of these truths about myself. I was also able to identify my eldest son's personality (unsurprisingly, the opposite of my own!) and my eldest daughter (the same as mine, which explains A LOT.)<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: magenta;">The thing is, I knew all this before.</span></b> It's not that I forgot it, necessarily, it's just that I can KNOW I have this tendency towards perfectionism but that intellectual truth doesn't outweigh the actual FEELING of failure. Or, I may know that I need to be alone with my thoughts in order to find the strength to continue being the person I strive to be, yet finding time to be alone means allowing things to go undone (or done imperfectly) and my core need for order and control supersedes the other need.<br />
<br />
I have been reflecting on what I need to do/change so that I am less likely to find myself overwhelmed and unable to cope, particularly while I am in the throes of the homeschool year. One thing that I know will help is that I am undergoing a particular kind of therapy called <a href="http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/emdr-what-is-it" target="_blank">EMDR</a>. At its core, this therapy helps speed up and solidify the process of Emotional Regulation, so that my known truths will resonate more deeply in my heart than my feelings. I am also trusting in God that my best is not only good enough, but His will and pleasing to Him. So I plan to actually write down truth statements and post them in areas where they will remind me on a daily basis that it's really ok if things are not going EXACTLY according to plan, and that I am doing a good job, and that my kids will be fine.<br />
<br />
The thing is, I know and accept that it's not going to fix anything. <b><span style="color: magenta;">I am always going to struggle in this way. And that's all right.</span></b> I am offering it up for all those who have struggles but don't have knowledge or therapy. And I am moving forward on the path God has called me to walk.<br />
<br />
The best thing I got out of the conference is a renewed sense of confidence and purpose. My struggles are normal, not an indication that I'm doing something wrong or that I myself am the problem. It's simply a combination of contrary personalities and deep-seated tendencies that find themselves at odds with each other. My plan, as it always should be, is to be open about what I'm facing, seek understanding and peace, and keep working towards what I've decided is best for my family.<br />
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Just keep swimming. (*grin*)Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-29979309500588168492016-07-03T13:38:00.000-07:002016-07-03T13:38:03.808-07:00OJ's America<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglj2iS45CnAip0NpQCESm_vZ6vUdukXWxQniIaN4cogQj8WZtckRLTEuX7-XunJdVyJ_B6h8BAmER-l8L4Zmslwq5wO5QB9C_pdiSOh3zyYbPaoYYYuQwtm8m2PSZfBQgYNWIAaLGcUDU/s1600/Volunteering+hands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglj2iS45CnAip0NpQCESm_vZ6vUdukXWxQniIaN4cogQj8WZtckRLTEuX7-XunJdVyJ_B6h8BAmER-l8L4Zmslwq5wO5QB9C_pdiSOh3zyYbPaoYYYuQwtm8m2PSZfBQgYNWIAaLGcUDU/s400/Volunteering+hands.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.local.gov.uk/documents/10180/11465/Volunteering+hands/8eae6986-d5f0-46be-b38f-25891607e08c?t=1425649372937" target="_blank">Image Credit</a></td></tr>
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Over the past few months or so, my husband and I have spent our evening time together watching both the documentary <u>OJ: Made in America</u> and the dramatized account of the trial of the century <u>The People vs OJ Simpson: American Crime Story</u>, based on the book by Jeffrey Toobin. We are both lawyerly (he's an actual attorney, I had plans but ended up with four kids instead!) and thus were interested in the details that surrounded such a high-profile and controversial case.<br />
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We are also firm advocates of improved race relations, which is of course at the center of this story.<br />
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There are summaries of the story and reviews of the shows available all over the place. <a href="http://www.theverge.com/2016/1/23/10819762/oj-made-in-america-review-sundance-2016" target="_blank">This article </a>very succinctly gets to the main point:<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16.5px; line-height: 28.05px;">[When the verdict was read] I couldn’t grasp sympathy for a man I was told was a killer. Today, I understand. What an overdue epiphany.</span></blockquote>
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<b><span style="color: magenta;">I watched these episodes with a great deal of both compassion and frustration. </span></b>On the one hand, I appreciate the opportunity to understand the mindset of all those who were involved, particularly as most of the people at the center of the event are completely foreign to me. So I now get why OJ declared himself innocent. It's not unusual for domestic abusers to completely disassociate from their own actions, as <a href="http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2008/10/inside-mind-of-abuser.html" target="_blank">this article </a>highlights. I also get why Nicole was so drawn to him, why so many people fell for his charm and truly, deeply, found it impossible to believe he could have committed such a horrible crime.<br />
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And I understand the position of the defense to attack the evidence rather than trying to prove OJ's innocence. They were trying to draw attention to a larger problem, one that they felt transcended the particulars of this case. <b><span style="color: magenta;">The producers clearly articulated the deep-seated need for the black community to have a victory, after centuries of injustice.</span></b> Johnny Cochran had spent his life fighting against police brutality and bringing to light the egregious manner in which black people were treated. While every white person in the country felt kinship with Ron Goldman's father and Nicole Simpson's sister, every black person remembered Rodney King and felt kinship with OJ Simpson.<br />
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But there's where understanding ends and frustration begins. Because OJ Simpson was not an innocent bystander. He was not a victim of racism or police brutality. He was not part of the larger pantheon of black Americans who suffered oppression, tyranny, fear, and other legacies of racism and slavery. Even if he was, <span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta;"><b>it does not heal centuries of injustice against black people to visit injustice on a white person.</b> </span></span><br />
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The focus of the case was not on ignoring the victims, of course. It was, as Cochran said in his closing arguments, on taking a stand against injustice and racism. Who wouldn't support such a laudable goal? Why would the jury act in a small and selfish manner to achieve justice for two individuals when they could deliver justice to an entire people?<br />
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Of course, with the benefit of hindsight, we know it didn't work. The reason is obvious: <b><span style="color: magenta;">there can be no overarching virtue that is not practiced in the small, immediate, and mundane moments of our everyday lives. </span></b>Racial inequality is not overturned by a massive court case. It's overcome by countless small acts of fairness done by ordinary people who hear their neighbor speak out against immigrants and say "That's not fair," or give up their seat on the train to a woman in hijab, or come to the defense of a stranger in a restaurant.<br />
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It helps to know the background, to have a context that explains why they did it, even if I think they made the wrong choice. For me, the complete disconnect between white Americans' reactions to the verdict and black Americans' reactions were the most interesting part of the story. While I wouldn't be dancing and singing if I heard the verdict read for the first time today, at least now I understand why so many people did.<br />
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And understanding this divide is key to how we plan our future as a nation. <b><span style="color: magenta;">On the eve of Independence Day, I think it's appropriate to reflect on whether this great country is truly the land of opportunity and freedom that we claim to be.</span></b> I am myself an immigrant, and have only been a US citizen for half my life. I'm going to spend today and tomorrow celebrating my country, and praying for those whose experiences here are less joyful than mine has been.Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-77682123522173798912016-06-30T15:48:00.004-07:002016-06-30T15:48:52.137-07:00Love is...I received a lovely bit of encouragement from God the other day while praying and thinking about my decisions going forward (to homeschool or not, discipline methods, relationship issues, my book, etc.) I talked it over with a friend, and she brought some valuable insight that helped me complete the process.<br />
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Love is not, and cannot be, simply a feeling. If that's all it is, then it's no more than momentary; it's not the life-changing, powerful force that moves mountains and alters hearts.<br />
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So what is it? Love is desiring the good of the other person, and to my mind, that requires a sacrifice of self. Jesus exemplifies this with His ministry and death, and that is the model we are called to follow.<br />
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Love is service, sacrifice, working for the good of others.<br />
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Then if this is so, the best way I can love my family is to think about what would achieve their good, and then dedicate myself to that. And if I feel myself taking on too much, as I am wont to do, then I need to re-examine my priorities to ensure I am balancing what I need with what they need.<br />
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Because, and here's the wonderful insight: my participation in my family is for their good! So if something is preventing me from participating fully and joyfully, then it cannot be where God is calling me to go.<br />
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I think this is where God has been leading me. Because the message I continually get from Him is "Trust Me. Keep moving forward." At first this seems at odds with the other messages I'm getting from my family and my body, who all say as one voice "You are doing too much."<br />
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How can I keep moving forward if I am doing too much and it's overwhelming me?<br />
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The answer, I feel, is not to change what I'm doing, per se, but to pull back from certain pieces. The panic response to the stresses I'm under are to seek an escape. "I made the wrong choice. I should pull a 180! I should go back on this decision!" But that's not the answer. I make choices carefully under prayerful direction and lots of research. Maybe things turn out to be harder than I expect, but that doesn't mean I made the wrong decision or that I shouldn't see it through. That's why God keeps telling me to trust and move forward; I'm on the right path, and I have conviction about that. I am meant to homeschool. I am meant to be a SAHM. Our family is meant to have a puppy! God will open the opportunity for me to write when it's time for that. I can trust that I don't need to push it or sacrifice my primary vocation, which is to my family.<br />
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I will need to think some more about the specific pieces where I can pull back. I've already started, like canceling some activities so I'm not driving as much or stressing less about making a dinner everyone will eat and instead just putting a healthy meal on the table that the kids are free to reject! I'm also seeing a new therapist and upping my medication so I am stronger mentally and emotionally.<br />
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God is also encouraging me to be humble. He has to tell me this a lot. I keep forgetting that I am myself, not anyone else, and it's okay if I am weaker than other homeschooling moms of 4, or 5...I am called only to do my best, not another person's best. I have my cross, it is enough.Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-48012170508852812152016-06-24T14:12:00.000-07:002016-06-24T14:12:07.417-07:00Letting GoI am acceding to the wishes and advice of my friends and family members, and not homeschooling in the fall.<br />
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This is a huge loss for me, and I'm grieving it. I wish I were stronger and able to handle the challenge better, but the reality is that I can't do it in a way that works for the rest of my family. Not without help, and I can't get what I need.<br />
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So if you could keep me in your prayers as we research options for his schooling in the Fall, I would appreciate that.Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-62451491195054669652016-05-28T08:59:00.000-07:002016-05-28T08:59:17.639-07:00Answering the Call Are you sure this is the right number, Lord? Because it sort of seems like what you're calling me to is not the best use of my talents. Case in point: four children. Did you realize I am an introvert and idealist? I know that's not a flaw in my character. I know that people like me are meant to think deeply, love fiercely, and be the moral voice for the busy majority. Why did you make me who I am if I am meant to give up my writing Saturdays so I can do laundry, clean up dog poop, and fight with my 13 year old about his iPhone?<br />
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I'm sorry, my Jesus. I know you are the Lord of Hosts and far wiser than I. I don't mean to question you. But if you are offended and would like to strike me dumb for 9 months, in all honesty, I could use the break!! I know you're aware of my stress levels and my desire for solitude and contemplation. I'm sure you put them on my heart for a purpose. It's just that the purpose escapes me because, Lord, see, you gave me a boy with ADHD and a call to homeschool and for some reason that I really can't fathom, a husband who doesn't share my values. Maybe that was more me than You? Yeah. Probably. But the kid is entirely Your doing, Lord! We did NFP, we opened ourselves to life. I wasn't ready for a child, my husband was still in law school, I hadn't dealt with the wounds from my childhood, and yet, baby boy...perfect little miracle. I love him so much, Lord. Thank you for giving me the Doob, and for the amazing subsequent gifts of GinnaBee, Moozer, and Pookanaut.<br />
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Here's the thing. I want this life. I believe in what I'm doing. I know I am <a href="http://www.thejoysofboys.com/monday-motivation-the-invisible-mom/" target="_blank">building cathedrals</a>. I know that if something is worth doing, it's probably going to be hard and test the upper limits of my mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual abilities. I want to be married and have children and be involved in their care. I want to sacrifice my needs (within reason) for their benefit. I want to live an authentic and deliberate Catholic motherhood.<br />
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It just doesn't seem to me that I'm a very good candidate for this life. Wouldn't I have a much greater impact finishing my book and writing novels that (ideally) inspire hope and give a taste of joy and beauty to the world? Isn't that still Your plan for me?<br />
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Maybe, if it's not too much to ask for, I could see some of the fruits of this labor? Maybe ONE of the children could clean up after themselves without responding like I'm a hostile enemy occupying their rightful lands? Perhaps You could do something about the rancor and ignorance all over the internet so I can go to Facebook for strength and support without experiencing all <a href="http://taylormarshall.com/2011/10/four-horsemen-of-apocalypse-coming-to.html" target="_blank">four horsemen</a> of the Apocalypse? Or, and this is a stretch, Lord, I know, my husband and I could agree on some aspect of life other than the fact that it's really hard right now?<br />
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I guess what I need here is some clarification that I'm meant to persevere. Am I really on the right path or should I totally switch it all up? Would I be a better mother if I put all my kids in public school, stopped their activities, and dedicated my time to writing and volunteering with refugees and the homeless, or even got a job as an admin assistant for a not-for-profit? In all honesty, I felt like I made more of a difference in the world when I was fighting with copier vendors at Hull House than I do fighting with Moozer to take a bath. Our public schools are very good. My kids would still have their parish community and the benefit of my example as a Christian to form their consciences. They don't NEED Catholic school. And if the Doob isn't going to try, then does it matter whether he doesn't try at home or doesn't try at school? Your plan for him doesn't involve college, that's for darn sure. So why take my time and energies to try to mold him into something he's not? You can reach him wherever he is. Would my efforts would be better spent elsewhere?<br />
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Of course it doesn't have to be all or nothing. But Lord, when I try to do both things (help the world and care for my children) I end up overwhelmed and resentful. I just don't think You created me to be pulled in two different directions. So I need to either embrace my vocation as a mother and let go of my desire to be a force of good in the world, or I need to pull back on my involvement with the kids and go out into the world.<br />
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I am waiting for Your direction, King of my heart. You will show me where I am meant to go.Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-53242531909245756662016-03-07T10:41:00.001-07:002016-03-07T10:41:54.552-07:00Be Weak to Become Strong<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://www.spiritualdirection.com/2016/03/07/st-bernards-vision-of-humility-and-pride?utm_source=SpiritualDirection.com&utm_campaign=9593b7ef46-RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_9dd96593f8-9593b7ef46-59842417" target="_blank">This </a>beautiful gem from Catholic Spiritual Direction has clarified some struggles I've been having. </div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px;">But humility is the virtue that regulates self-esteem. It is singularly unhealthy to esteem one’s self more or less than the truth about who one is.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px;"><br /></span></blockquote>
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I see the truth in this so clearly. Some of the people in my life who I love the most are suffering lack of self-worth because they can't see who they really are. Something gets in the way, either internally or externally, and it must be the devil <span style="color: magenta;"><b>because if they could see themselves as God sees them then that would only draw them closer to the One who made them and loves them.</b></span></div>
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But the gravity of pride constantly pulls at us and...this pull can only be resisted through prayer, fasting, and humble acceptance of those trials which come our way. <span style="line-height: 18.2px;">Prayer, fasting and the acceptance of trial helps us realize that our true value is in God’s love for us and in his love for those he has entrusted us. Real self-esteem is rooted in this realization. </span></div>
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I've had arguments with family members who quote me the Bible verse: "[God] desires mercy, not sacrifice" to mean that God wouldn't send a trial my way in order to form me in holiness because He doesn't want sacrifice. I see it differently, though. I see in my trials an opportunity to be humble, and since pride is one of my most persistent challenges, anything which divests me of it does the will of God.<br />
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I am very weak-willed. Because of that, Lent has been mixed this year. I tried to give up tea but found myself unable to moderate my fatigue and irritation without the caffeine. Rather than subject my family to emotional outbursts, (and frankly, unable to get through my TO DO list while taking an hour nap every afternoon!) I decided tea is a necessity, not an indulgence, and therefore I am not being called to moderate it at this moment. I have been given a few fasts due to health issues that I am not adhering too, and it occurs to me that<span style="color: magenta;"><b> God wants me to align my will to the sacrifices I am being called to make, not those I choose on my own.</b></span><br />
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Of course, we are halfway through Lent and I am just now coming to this epiphany after weeks of uncharacteristic indulgence (trip to Mexico with my sister, Denver Restaurant Week, trip to Vail with visiting family from overseas, etc.) My weakness is so vast that I wouldn't allow myself to recognize the Lenten sacrifice God gave me until I was past the greatest temptations. Which makes me wonder: why am I fighting this so hard? What do I lose by moderating my gluttony and indulgence in food and drink?<br />
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The answer is that I am addicted to these things. <span style="color: magenta;"><b>They are the material crutch I depend on in order to regulate my emotions and keep myself from slipping back into depression. </b></span>I hate being depressed. I hate not having control over myself. I don't feel that I could "lose it" again and be supported by family. My depression is not an option. I feel that every time I slip or make a mistake or yell or lose my temper that I am permanently altering my place in my immediate and extended family, and they will leave.<br />
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I am governed by fear, and food keeps the fear at bay. Food comforts me, grounds me, and feeds my hunger for pleasure. There's too much I am working on all the time that I feel like I just can't work on being disciplined with food, too. I have to be weak in this area so I can be strong elsewhere.<br />
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But the reality, of course, is that the opposite is true. Having developed this dynamic where my self-indulgence is justified because I "need" to save my strength for other areas, I find myself indulging not just in food but in other material pleasures. My appetites for consumerism, entertainment, leisure, and comfort have also increased.<br />
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Every single time I read the Word of God, attend Mass, or hear the news, I know I am being called to let go of this addiction. And every time I try I run up against the fear that if I don't keep myself calm and "cared for" I will lose it again.<br />
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<span style="line-height: 18.2px;">Our lives are meant to co-inhere: to co-inhere in God and to co-inhere in one another. For Bernard, the self does not fully exist isolated from God or from others. The self, the human “I,” ought to be in communion with God and others, or it is less than itself.</span></div>
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This preoccupation on caring for myself has brought me to a place where I am no longer relying on God's love to sustain me. It is God, not cake, that will help me be a good mother. He is not asking me to starve myself or go without the necessities that I require each day. It is not impossible what He asks of me. So why am I struggling with it so much?</div>
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Why can't I value myself in the right way, as a child of God who is loved and cared for, and not as someone too weak and ill to make a Lenten sacrifice or stick to a medically prescribed diet? I feel further from grace than I have in years, and unable to claw my way back into His light.</div>
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The truth is: I can't get myself to where God wants me to be. I have to sit here, in my weakness, and call on Him to help me. It's the only way I can be rid of myself and exist in communion with God.</div>
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Lord, help me love You more.</div>
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Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-11887863680609152492015-07-05T11:27:00.002-07:002015-07-05T11:36:08.667-07:00Recommended ReadingIn answering the question as to what fundamental principles are behind the Church's teaching on homosexuality, Joseph Prever says in <a href="http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/what-does-it-look-like-to-be-gay-and-a-practicing-catholic-97169/" target="_blank">this</a> amazing interview:<br />
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"<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Open Sans', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px;">Well, what I think is that one, at the bottom of it, men and women are different. Number two, that eros is different from friendship, and number three, that physical acts have spiritual meanings."</span></blockquote>
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Excellent reading, highly recommended.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Open Sans', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px;">The reason I say that is not because I think it’s nonsense to rely on the power of the sacraments, but I do think it’s nonsense to rely on the power of the sacraments for things that the sacraments weren’t actually designed to do. For example, it would be absurd to say that you weren’t going to go to the doctor to fix your broken arm because you preferred to go to confession. Within human society, there exist certain solutions to certain human problems, and if we don’t take advantage of them, then we’re being very stupid. </span></blockquote>
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My favorite:<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Open Sans', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px;">Physical differences are not just physical differences, because physicality is not just physicality. It all comes down to the fact that you can't paraphrase the poem. That is to say, if you have a poem which says something beautiful and true, you can't say sum it up by saying, ‘ok, and what the poet meant to say is this syllogism.’ And in the same way, the only way to describe what masculinity and femininity are is to say: ‘here are men, they are manly. Here are women, they are womanly.’ That's literally the only way to do it, because our bodies are poems. They are poems that express the ‘masculinity’ of God and the ‘femininity’ of God and we have to take them seriously, which doesn't mean we can pin down (exactly) what the poems are saying.</span></blockquote>
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Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-55705063196587615812015-05-22T22:10:00.002-07:002015-05-22T22:10:45.061-07:00Oh, the Humanity!<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">White Tulips, for Forgiveness</td></tr>
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This week has illustrated why I try not to watch the news. It is very difficult for me to handle the reality of children suffering, particularly when it's as egregious as what A Holy Experience wrote about <a href="http://www.aholyexperience.com/2015/05/into-iraq-2-what-the-news-isnt-telling-you-why-we-cant-afford-to-pretend-its-not-happening-sozans-impossible-choice-and-our-very-possible-one/" target="_blank">here</a>. I listen once a week to the Diane Rehm show international hour, which is a very intellectual experience. Several journalists discuss the history and implications of current events. They tend to gloss over details and say things like, "ISIS conducted many acts of brutality when they took Ramadi" or something similar, so while they don't ignore the darker sides of the news, they don't dwell on the horrible details, either.<br />
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I like this because it allows me to be up to date without immersing myself in the reality of what's happening. It's just so darn hard for me to let go and move on. I have talked with friends and family members about this problem and most of them say, "You just have to stop dwelling on it. There's nothing you can do." The ones who, like me, can't always find a way to do that tell me, "Just avoid the news as much as you can."<br />
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Facebook is my undoing. I spent most of Tuesday so full of anger and disgust over ISIS that it was hard for me to focus on the here and now of parenting. I called my mom and my best friend, and together we ranted about the situation and our helplessness in the face of such twisted brutality.<br />
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Then Thursday, at the gym, I came across the People interview with Amanda Berry and Gina DeJesus, who were held in that Cleveland house along with Michelle Knight. Years. YEARS of torture. And the sick games that man played with them, and how he just kept going back out and kidnapping more young girls. And less than a year in prison, he committed suicide. Oh, the rage.<br />
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And then today, <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2015/05/21/us/josh-duggar-child-molestation-allegations/" target="_blank">The Duggar </a>scandal. I read through a few articles from different sources, then read Josh Duggar's <a href="http://www.people.com/article/josh-duggar-molestation-accusations-duggars-respond" target="_blank">statement </a>. I came to three conclusions: <br />
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1. The Duggar family responded to the situation. (I absolutely think there can and should be a discussion of whether their response went far enough. <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2015/05/what-you-need-to-know-about-the-josh-duggar-police-report.html" target="_blank">Here's </a>a good start from a blogger on Patheos.)<br />
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2. Josh Duggar has admitted his actions, apologized, sought forgiveness, and worked towards restitution with his victims (according to his statement.)<br />
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3. At least some of the victims have requested privacy and anonymity. We should respect their right to privacy, and as such, we don't have their perspective the way we do the Duggar parents, Josh, and his wife Anna.<br />
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It was only after I started reading comments that I realized how much rage is being directed at the Duggars and people who share their views. It surprised me. I read comments like, "HANG THE MONSTER!" and "He needs to go to trial and be locked away. Pervert!" I also read comments that vilified his wife, "What kind of a person would have children with this monster?" and "She knew and she still married him! SICK."<br />
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Hang the monster? Seriously? Isn't there a huge difference between what Josh Duggar did and what Ariel Castro did? Without excusing his actions in the least, I would think we could all agree there is a continuum of molestation/abuse, and I don't see how hanging is an appropriate response here. He is not hiding from what he did. He is accepting the consequences, like resigning from his position as head of the Family Research Council and making public apologies for his actions. I feel compassion for him and his victims, both. I hope and pray that everyone truly did receive counseling, and I think he should be able to move forward with his life providing that he really has done what he claims (repented, sought forgiveness, made restitution.)<br />
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And a little voice in my head asks, "Would that apply to ISIS members?"<br />
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I tried a few years ago to read Yancey's book "What's So Amazing about Grace?" On the first page he gives the account of a woman addicted to drugs who was pimping out her daughter to the men who were paying her for sex. I will not mention here the age of her daughter. But I literally could not advance past that first page because RAGE at men who would have sex with a child just consumed me and prevented me from understanding what Yancey was trying to say. It is the same reason I could not finish Phillip Gourevitch's "We Would Like To Inform You that Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families" and Immaculee Ilibagizas excellent book "Left to Tell."<br />
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I have to believe that wisdom truly is a gift from the Holy Spirit, because the human me is the one who rages impotently against the sick jerks who would repeatedly abuse a 9 year old girl. It's the Holy Spirit who can see that those men were probably abused themselves as children, that they grew up in poverty without proper nutrition and education. Many of them are probably mentally ill in some way or another (I'd be surprised if there's anyone who lives in a war-torn area that doesn't have PTSD.) Whatever weaknesses they have as people (and we ALL have those weaknesses) are being amplified by their environment and exploited by the ideology of ISIS. They are responsible for their actions, of course! But there is a part of me that can understand that they are truly sick; they are in need of healing.<br />
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So, yes. That would apply to ISIS members. Whether or not it's possible is a matter for another post.<br />
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Jesus loves Ariel Castro just as he loves Amanda Berry. Ask Sister Mary Martha had such a beautiful reflection on the <a href="http://asksistermarymartha.blogspot.com/2009/09/dig-it.html" target="_blank">permanence of hell </a>and God's desire that everyone repent and join Him in heaven. (I have no opinion on whether Sister Mary Martha is a real nun or not. She has not posted in many months but I always found her perspective comforting and full of wisdom.)<br />
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Josh Duggar is a person. So was Ariel Castro and Osama Bin Laden and Hitler. Love asks us to respond to others in a way that honors their individual rights and dignities. I think the first step is to view them as people, as hard as that may be sometimes. If we don't, we are letting the rage and the hate win over love. And if God is love, then we know who rage and hate is...Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-24866997345330773102015-03-20T22:20:00.002-07:002015-03-20T22:20:52.942-07:00We Must Care<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It comes again, that persistent voice of doubt that says "WHAT'S THE POINT?" Why care? Does it make any difference?<br />
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I choose to believe that yes, it does. In fact, it makes such a tremendous difference not only in our lives, but to everyone we encounter, that I think it must be the single most important thing we can do.<br />
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<b><span style="color: magenta;">We can care</span></b>. Even when it hurts, and sweet Lord, it hurts SO much to care sometimes. Like you, I am horrified by the plight of civilians in the Middle East and Africa. I am overcome with rage at the stories of injustice, violence, cruelty, and selfishness. Like you, I want to turn away from the truth, that there are worse things than beheading which ISIS is doing to children. The other evening I asked my husband, bitterly and petulantly, "Is there anything we can do about ISIS? Because I really don't want to hear anymore about what they are doing to people if there's nothing that can be done to stop them. It's just too much."<br />
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I don't know if there is anything we can do to stop them. Maybe an international force is the answer, but we are far away from reaching any sort of consensus on that. In the meantime, what can be done about ISIS? What can I, as a suburban housewife with four kids and a little blog, do about one of the most violent and terrible threats of our generation?<br />
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So little.<b><span style="color: magenta;"> I can care. I can teach my children to care. I can encourage others to care.</span></b><br />
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From that, perhaps a tiny spark is lit. Some glimmer of solidarity that could lead to action. Maybe not right this moment, but someday. Because what's the alternative? Further isolation? Compartmentalization? A culture of apathy that says the world has always been thus, and shall always be thus, and it's someone else's problem, not mine? As Philip Yancey so eloquently <a href="http://www.christianbook.com/whats-so-amazing-about-grace/philip-yancey/9780310245650/pd/45653" target="_blank">stated</a>:<br />
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"<i>The strongest argument in favor of grace is the alternative, a world of ungrace. The strongest argument for forgiveness is the alternative, a permanent state of unforgiveness." </i></blockquote>
Thus the strongest argument for caring is the alternative, a permanent state of indifference. The greatest crimes against humanity are committed by those who do not respect the dignity of human life. If we don't wish to lose our humanity, we must care.<br />
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And if we care, we must act. Which leads me again to the original question: What can I do?<br />
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I am so small. It feels that anything I do is so insignificant that it's hardly worth the effort. Moments like these, I am inspired by St. Therese of Lisieux because she acknowledged her own humility and weakness, but never let it stop her from doing what God called her to do. She said,<br />
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<span style="text-align: justify;">"Merit does not consist in doing or giving much. It consists in loving much."</span></blockquote>
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In other words, it consists in caring. If you believe, AS I DO BELIEVE!, that prayer is a way to love those we cannot love in any other way, then please pray with me this coming week: <b><span style="color: magenta;">that the native forces fighting ISIS will resist the temptation to retaliate against citizens belonging to different sects or religions</span></b>. I am trying to offer up my own desire to retaliate (when my kids are defiant, when I am wrongly accused, when someone cuts me off in traffic, etc.) for this intention.</div>
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If the most that happens is that I spend my time "turning the other cheek" then I can say two things: I cared, and I did something about it.Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-4306356777697413552014-11-11T22:47:00.001-07:002014-11-11T22:47:39.008-07:00Let Habit Be KingI have been working on my discipline lately. Little things help with my motivation, like offering up my laundry for a friend or using the time I wash dishes to sing praise. For me, that elevates the task to a form of worship and helps me see it through to the end. <div><br></div><div>I've also been blessed to discover the liturgy of the hours on my Laudate app. I started with some of the daytime prayers, then read the Catholics Guide to the Liturgy of the Hours and discovered the greater hours are Lauds, Compline and the daily Office. So I began focusing on those hours and rapidly found myself getting to the end of the day without having prayed any Hour!</div><div><br></div><div>Then I read in the Guide some common impediments, and it jumped out at me that I was making the critical error of pursuing the perfect at the expense of the good. The guide said that ideally, we would dedicate a period of silent contemplation to praying the Hour with attentive reverence but sometimes this isn't possible. If we skip because we don't have time to devote ourselves fully, we risk losing our habit. </div><div><br></div><div>That's exactly what I discovered was happening. So I am trying to pray badly rather than not pray. I read the Hour while making breakfast or sometimes I only get through one psalm. But I am hoping the act of opening the Word gets me closer to fully participating in the liturgy. </div><div><br></div><div>I haven't yet found a good rhythm for homeschool that balances the requirements of my sons education with his personal sense of responsibility. I am determined not to spend the whole day fighting with him. This surprisingly hard to do because he is always behind and has no desire to study. It is very difficult for me to let go but I've set 3:00 as the last hour I will help him. After that I am no longer his teacher. </div><div><br></div><div>Otherwise all is going well with kids and husband, home and family, and Parish ministries. Praise God!</div><div><br></div><div>St Elizabeth Ann Seton, St Thomas Aquinas, pray for us. </div>Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-70454383155102956132014-10-22T22:13:00.002-07:002014-10-22T22:13:16.593-07:00BFFI think we can put a Big Fat FAIL on today. Sigh. I don't want this blog to be a place where I whine about how darn hard it is to homeschool and how frustrated I am with motivating my son to do his best work. So I have not been posting, which tells you all you need to know about how it's going so far this year. The thing that drives me the most crazy is that we have occasional good days that are so beautifully perfect it keeps me believing that this will all bear fruit someday.<br />
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Last week he did all his work every day. He wrote an essay on Friday that had me dancing when he read it to me (Oh, the transitions! The descriptive words! The persuasive phrasing!) I thought, at last, we have hit upon the right combination of variables. Wake him at 8:30 and bring him down for breakfast. Perform some sort of physical activity, either Tai Chi, bike riding, or basketball. Brew a cup of green tea. Start with Spanish, then Math, Reading, Language Arts, History, Geography, Memory, Science, Religion, and Current Events. Sign off each subject when it's complete; give him my undivided attention. Work him through each step of the assignment. Read the directions, ask leading questions. Compliment him. Use the funny voice. Make him snacks. Take short breaks. Reward him with screens on Wed and Sat if he has achieved a star on the other days. Notice when he makes any improvement, even in the slightest measure. Don't neglect one-on-one time. Find moments to connect. Be clear with expectations and requirements. Empathize. Explain.<br />
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I guess if I think back, we did not do the physical activity today and I did not make him green tea. Is it really THAT delicate? No, it started before that. It started when I woke him up and then left the room instead of dragging him out of bed. He did not get up and I had to go back upstairs to get him out of bed, and that right there was the start.<br />
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I can't be perfect every day. Honestly, I would take the occasional bad day if it came occasionally and was the exception rather than the rule.<br />
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I will begin again tomorrow and try to stick to the routine a little better. Starting the day with physical activity is key.<br />
<br />Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-61393904871861759492014-08-14T08:21:00.003-07:002014-08-15T21:08:38.422-07:00Thoughts on Depression<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Like most others, I was struck personally by the news of Robin William's suicide. Having grown up with his films and his comedy, I feel that connection with him that is the hallmark of a great actor: he is so authentic and wholehearted that the audience feels WITH him as he performs and takes that performance with them when they leave the theater. Some of my favorite and most watched films -- Mrs. Doubtfire, Good Will Hunting, Dead Poets Society, Aladdin, and Good Morning Vietnam -- are great in large part because he starred in them.<br />
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There has been, unfortunately, a great deal of ugliness on the internet in the wake of his death. If I am believing the best I have to think that it comes from a place of fear and a need to separate themselves from his choice because they know, deep in their hearts, <span style="color: magenta;"><b>that we are all capable of falling into despair and seeing death as the only end to an unbearable existence.</b></span><br />
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Thankfully, the ugliness is more than balanced by sound defenses of the truth and lovely tributes to this talented man.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Glen Close: "<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.31999969482422px;">Robin was incredibly sensitive to the crew, to the people who don't always get the recognition they deserve for the various jobs they do during a shoot. Robin knew everyone's name and could always get a laugh---not a laugh aimed at himself, but a laugh that recognized others. He gave various favorite crew members special nicknames. Our camera operator had famously combed-back, black hair that had considerable amounts of product in it, keeping every hair in place in all kinds of weather. Robin dubbed him "Teflon Man" and would do hilarious rifts as an archeologist in the distant future finding "Teflon Man" with his hair still perfect."</span></blockquote>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.31999969482422px;"><br /></span>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.31999969482422px;">Ben Affleck: </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px;">"Heartbroken. Thanks chief -- for your friendship and for what you gave the world. Robin had a ton of love in him. He personally did so much for so many people. He made Matt and my dreams come true. What do you owe a guy who does that? Everything. May you find peace my friend."</span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px;">Anna Kendrick: </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #292f33; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Roboto, 'Segoe UI', Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; white-space: pre-wrap;">O Captain! My Captain! Rise up and hear the bells. Rise up, for you the flag is flung, for you the bugle trills.</span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px;">Ben Stiller: </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18.98714256286621px;">His kindness and generosity is what I think of. How kind he was to anyone who wanted to connect with him. And he could not help but be funny all the time. He would do something as long as it would keep you laughing. He made many, many film crews laugh out loud before the audiences ever saw it. He made such a big impact on the world. So there is the man, and his talent and I think in his case both were extraordinary.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px;"> </span></blockquote>
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Our understanding of mental illness has grown in the last decade so that we are finally at the point where we can look at depression and see it for what it is: illness, rather than weakness or lack of faith. I think that's what bothers me most in a situation like this. Of course he made the wrong choice. It amazes me that this is up for debate! Suicide is NOT the answer. Never the answer. But rather than blame, we should be filled with compassion and sorrow. Depression wrecks your logic like a tsunami of despair. It invades every part of your mind and soul.<b><span style="color: magenta;"> No matter how you try to escape it, the waters rise up and pull you under again. They twist you so you don't know which way is up or where to find air or what to hold on to.</span></b> It makes no difference if you have God, a loving family, financial success, friendship, or none of the above. Depression can still take you.<br />
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I do think, in my own experience, that having a proper understanding of who God is and my place in the universe helped me through my depression. Even when I didn't feel His presence, I knew He must be there and the problem was with me, because all the literature and testimony of thousands of years of humanity's relationship with Him continue to repeat "I am with you, even to the end of time."<br />
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But I have to admit that had I been capable of it, I might have come much closer to suicide than is comfortable to think about. I was pregnant and so miserable that I do remember I wished for death. I had a night where I couldn't stop throwing up, and I lay there and thought, "It's fine. I could just keep throwing up and die. That way this baby wouldn't be born into a world of suffering, and my children could be free from me. It's probably better if I just let myself die."<br />
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To look back on this moment from a place of health (both mental and physical) I can see the absurdity of it. I had everything: beautiful, healthy children, a warm and comfortable home, family supporting me in my illness, excellent medical care, freedom to rest all day long, entertainment to distract me, and access to any food I desired. Yet I couldn't see that. I could only see my own misery and loneliness.<br />
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I don't know what could have been done to help Robin Williams. I'm sure his family did what they could. They clearly loved him. We all did. I know he is at peace now. <b><span style="color: magenta;">I know he regrets killing himself.</span></b><br />
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I am grateful that I am also at peace and my personal tsunami has receded. God is ever merciful, ever forgiving, ever loving, ever unchanging. May we imitate Him and show such love and compassion to our fellow brothers and sisters here on Earth.<br />
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<a href="http://www.catholicgentleman.net/2014/08/depression-discriminate/" target="_blank">Depression Does Not Discriminate</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://momastery.com/blog/2014/08/13/people-who-need-help/" target="_blank">People Who Need Help Sometimes Look a lot Like People Who Don't Need Help</a><br />
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<a href="http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/08/12/robin-williams-didnt-die-disease-died-choice/" target="_blank">Robin Williams Didn't Die from a Disease</a> and <a href="http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/08/13/depression-isnt-choice-suicide-response-critics/" target="_blank">My Detailed Response</a><br />
by Matt Walsh<br />
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<a href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/daviddisalvo/2014/08/12/five-common-myths-about-depression/" target="_blank">5 Common Myths About Depression</a><br />
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<a href="http://www.thedarlingbakers.com/love-someone-with-depression/" target="_blank">10 Ways to Show Love to Someone with Depression</a><br />
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<a href="http://lifelibertyandcrap.wordpress.com/2014/08/13/guest-postdepressed-catholics-god-wants-you-to-get-help/" target="_blank">Depressed Catholics: God Wants You to Get Help</a>Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2153837725275468414.post-49312546256207398112014-08-11T22:51:00.001-07:002014-08-11T22:51:20.199-07:00Peace and ProsperityIt is almost midnight and I should be in bed if I am to have any hope of getting up tomorrow at 7 am but I see that my last post here was in April (!!) and I feel the need to pop on if only for a moment to update the blogosphere as to what I have been up to.<br />
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I am in a great place, happy, peaceful, trusting in God's plan and doing my best to love my family no matter the circumstances. I am being challenged in a few key ways right now, mostly related to homeschooling which I am undertaking this year for the second time with my eldest. It did not go well the first time, but God brought everyone around to believing it was for the best that we try again. I am determined this time to focus on character, not performance, and work to make the experience as positive as I can.<br />
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My health is good, Praise God, my children are growing and active. My husband started a new law firm a year ago and it is growing with all the accompanying growing-pains that are to be expected, even desired. But naturally there is stress involved which my husband is bearing the brunt of. I personally have no doubt about his success, if not with this endeavor than with the next. That doesn't help him out much, though.<br />
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I am hoping once I get into a rhythm with homeschooling and the kids fall activities, and get a handle on my volunteer positions (Shepherd for my daughter's American Heritage Girls troop, Registrar and Prayer Coordinator for my Mother's Group, and volunteer with Catholic Charities Archdiocesan Housing) and my home, that I will be able to focus more attention on getting back to living simply and communicating some of our wonderful new Pope's wisdom on the subject.<br />
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Till then, blogging will likely be rather spotty. With love and prayers to all who read this little blog, Good Night. :)Tiennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315891571577431883noreply@blogger.com0