Consistent Ethic of Love: Marriage

I intend this to be the first in a series exploring the interrelations between poverty and the choices we make every day.

Joseph Cardinal Bernadin, the late Archbishop of Chicago, spoke about a "Consistent Ethic of Life" in which the Church's position on abortion, capital punishment and war stem from the same principle. It has always inspired me. There has been criticism of his ideas (to which Fr. Pavone has compiled a list of responses) but they are, I believe, from people who misunderstand his underlying message.

In like manner, I wish to explore a "consistent ethic of love" as it relates to the poor. Just as respect for human life is at the heart of Catholic teaching on many modern political issues, so should love for humanity at the heart of the choices we make as individuals. I truly believe, and it is the foundation of this blog, that my choices and actions from day to day have an impact (hopefully positive!) on the downtrodden, the defenseless, the hungry, the sorrowing and the needy.

Since it is my vocation, and the primary means by which I serve the Lord, I will start with marriage and its fundamental corollary: motherhood.

I did not set out to help the poor when I got married. In fact, as I've written in the past, I sometimes feel as though my desire to marry got in the way of a different call to help the poor. What happened, really, was that I fell totally in love and couldn't imagine a future that didn't include my husband.

But if I reflect on it, I have actually been given more opportunities to serve the poor through my marriage than I could have imagined. First and foremost are my children, of course, who came to me utterly helpless and lacking every basic need. I have fed, clothed, comforted, taught, and cared for them, these little lambs of the Most High. I have this poem by my bathroom sink, so every morning I can remind myself to take pride in my service as a mother, and to treat my kids with gentleness and patience, knowing that they are standing in for Christ.

I have also been given the chance to spread the Gospel, since I married an unbeliever. Whether or not he ever accepts Christ, he nonetheless is gaining most of his knowledge about Christianity from me and my example. If that's not a humbling, frightening prospect, I don't know what is.

Finally, my marriage has given me an opportunity to suffer for the poor. It's an uncomfortable concept, but I think it's a critical one. There is suffering in the submission of oneself to one's vocation, where my desires and interests must come second to the needs and good of my marriage. I have a wonderful marriage, yet even though I love and respect my husband, it is hard to put him first. It is hard when I don't get what I want, or when I have to change my plans because we are not in agreement about them.

No marriage is perfect. I would not trade my husband for anyone, but sometimes he is cruel, thoughtless, stubborn, petty, and selfish. I'm fortunate that these moments are very few and far between, but of course I can remember each one of them with soul-crushing clarity, much as I try to put them from my mind. There is suffering in marriage, as there is in any real relationship. There is humility, too, because whatever he has said and done to me, I have said and done to him twice over. He is the better partner, the better lover, the better provider, the better parent, and the better person. And oh, does it stick in my craw that he's a more patient and cheerful bearer of ills than I, who have Christ and His Spirit to sustain me! Buh.

As a child, whenever I was faced with an unhappy situation, whether from teasing at school or problems at home, I consoled myself with the same promise: someday, I will be free of all this. I had the good fortune to be born in a democratic, Western nation, and to have access to education and the likelihood of a future where I could make my own decisions. I clung to the promise of freedom; I imagined the day I could simply walk away from any situation I disliked, and from any person whose company didn't please me.

Most of the poor do not have such promises in their future. If they are born into poverty, there is no access to education to raise them from it. Girls often go from the tyranny of their fathers to the tyranny of their husbands without a choice in the matter. There are more than 12 million slaves in the world, some of them right here in America. A mother in a refugee camp cannot change her situation, and must simply watch and weep as her children starve.

I don't for a nanosecond intend to imply that being married is at all like being sold into slavery, nor do I think I can even comprehend the feelings of someone married against her will. All I am saying is that there is a permanence in the condition I have chosen for myself, and that through it I have learned about submission to the pains of reality in a way I could not have understood before I took a vow for "all the days of my life."

My marriage is one way I serve the poor, both those in my family and those for whose lives I offer my small and petty sufferings. Foremost among these, I offer the sufferings of my pride and independence, because in most places around the world, it is freedom the poor lack most.

God is good

One of the things I've always loved about nursing an infant is how much time it gives me to read. I think holding a fuzzy-headed baby in my arms while immersed in a good book might just be one of the most pleasurable experiences this world has to offer!

My Lenten sacrifice this year was fiction (TV and books,) and it's bearing some wonderful fruit. I am reading "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow, on the advice of a friend, and finding it extremely insightful. She speaks on the idea of contentment as accepting and working with God's plan for one's life. In this context, she brings up the fact that God is good, and so His plan for us, by definition, is also good.

Which got me thinking about "good" and how we define it. I think we most often use "good" to describe anything that fits with what we personally want for ourselves and our lives. Children are "good" when they do as we ask them to do. Someone has "the good life" if they have money, leisure time, and material things. We even describe food as good when it contains high amounts of fat or sugar, which we enjoy far more than food that is actually good (usually we refer to that kind as "healthy.")

But good, as the Bible defines it, has a very different meaning. It is beautiful and simple, yet profound: God is good. Good is God. Those things which draw us to God are good. Those things God has done or made are good. Goodness and God are one and the same.

I know for many people, the existence of suffering in the world is a barrier to faith. If God is all-powerful, why does He allow bad things to happen? Although I feel very deeply the plight of those who are poor, either in material goods, in spirit, in health or in freedom, I have never blamed God or felt disappointed in His lack of intervention for two main reasons: 1. It's mostly people who cause suffering, either to themselves or to others. and 2. Everything God does is good, thus suffering must also be good.

Part of the reason I love being a Catholic is the Church's position on suffering. It is not meaningless. It it not punishment. It is an opportunity to manifest the love of Christ to the world. When something like the tsunami in Japan occurs, it is an opportunity for the world to show love to Japan. God does not desire pain and suffering, but this world that He created contains those things. It contains disease, death, tectonic plates that shift around, wild animals, destructive weather patterns...all these things are GOOD because they are part of the world God created. Plate tectonics are a result of the transfer of energy from within the Earth. We are the only planet yet discovered that supports life -- surely the abundance of life here depends upon all components of physics, geology, astronomy, and other sciences existing in the balance that God created for them.

Here's where my problem comes in. I can intellectually understand the purpose of "bad things" in this world. I can theologically support the notion of redemptive suffering and spiritual growth that comes from accepting God's will, no matter what it might be.

But I'm afraid of suffering and pain. I don't want it. My response to God's call is something like, "Lord, I love you and I will do whatever you ask of me...as long as it doesn't involve profound suffering. I'll take a little suffering, but not anything big, OK?"

I'm ashamed to admit this. I see it as one of the biggest obstacles to my spiritual growth. I've been trying to resolve my anxieties and lack of trust for years now, but I don't seem to be much closer to the goal of abandonment I've set myself. I shouldn't fear the future. After all,

"We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

I think part of the problem is that my life is so easy, suffering seems preventable and unnecessary. It's somewhat counter intuitive, but the closer you are to suffering, the easier it is to accept. When I first discovered I was pregnant last July, I spent three weeks in a constant state of dread and anxiety, wondering if my nausea would be as bad as it had been with my second. Once it became clear that I would be throwing up several times a day, I sort of just accepted it and prepared for the long haul. It wasn't easy, by any means. But the only way out is through. In the same way, it can be more stressful to dread an experience (such as surgery or the adoption process) than to actually go through it.

I hope...no...I am confident that, should the worst befall me or my family, I would not lose faith in God. Rather, I would rely on Him and rest in Him to cope with the pain, emotional or otherwise. In the meantime, I can use those sleepless nights and anxious moments to pray for people who are actually suffering, and I can offer up my anxiety for those with mental illness. Whatever may come, there's no way it could ever be as bad as some of the things people must deal with around the world.

In the spirit of taking the poor with me, I can use my fears to draw closer to those who are in need, and to remind me that I am, truly, very blessed.

Interconnectedness

A few months ago I read Ceremony, by Leslie Silko, for my book group. It centers on a Native American boy who fights the Japanese front in WWII and comes back home to his Laguna tribe with severe post-traumatic stress disorder and survivor's guilt. When all other avenues fail, he turns to the ancient ceremonies of his people to heal his mind, and finds that his journey is one that he doesn't take alone: his actions link him both with his people and those he fought during the war.

One of the themes deals with the interconnectedness of everything in the world. This is, of course, a well-documented philosophy among many Native American tribes, but the book took things even a step beyond man's relationship with the land to man's relationship with man. What we do affects our families, our communities, the Earth itself, and by extension, people in every corner of the Earth. I am an environmentalist for precisely this reason, and am happy to be supported by the teachings of the Church.

Our lives as wealthy Westerners are FULL of consumption and waste. How many garbage bags do we throw away each week? Think of how it increases at Christmastime, or whenever we throw a party. The very act of consumption requires waste: 1. we are replacing something that is used/broken which must be discarded, 2. the packaging around our new acquisition must be discarded, and most importantly, 3. production of anything produces massive amounts of waste, and this is a part of the cycle over which we have very, very little control.

Here's a question, and a challenge: We often donate used clothing items to Goodwill, right? Are we also shopping there? My two favorite household items came from a thrift store, as did my coffee maker, bedroom furniture and many of my picture frames. Of course, there are many things you simply can't buy at the Salvation Army store. Underwear, obviously. And sometimes you need an item that isn't available there, like a dress for a wedding or a pair of kahkis or, in my case, Ugg boots to protect my Raynauds-afflicted toes from wintry weather. What matters is that we make the effort to search thrift stores regularly for those things we need, rather than relying on Target, Walmart, Kohls or ToysRUs. Even those discount stores contribute to the overconsumption that is the root of so much waste and materialism.

This is a struggle in our culture. I do not make light of the pressures that assail us from every direction to consume, consume, consume. Our children beg for new toys, while the hundreds that they already own lie strewn about the house. Our parents criticize our wardrobes or hint that we "need" another appliance. Our friends re-do their kitchen and suddenly we notice how cramped our own is. A new season begins, and we are embarrassed to see our growing kids running around in pants that end above their ankles.

I've been struggling for a long time with a call to give up makeup. *gulp* I just don't know if I can do it. I am very sensitive about my looks. I thought maybe I'd give it up for Lent one year and see if that frees me, but then every Lent I decide I should do something else instead, because I am a coward. A vain, insecure, coward. It is a lot easier for me to limit my shower length, shop at thrift stores and re-use plastic bags than to leave the house without doing my face. I am praying about this, and working towards it. If it's truly what God desires for me, I pray He will give me the strength to embrace the challenge...someday. Was it St. Augustine? "Lord make me chaste, but not yet!"

In the meantime, I repeat to myself: Do what you can. When I'm tempted by the King Arthur's Flour catalog and all their beautiful pans, mixes and gadgets, I say, "This I can do." I can resist purchasing a scone pan. Hooray! When I'm tempted to go out for dinner because I'm just tired and don't want to cook, I say, "This I can do." I can cook a meal for my family. Yippee!

It works with kid stuff, too. When I'm confronted for the eightieth time one day by a string looped across the hallway as part of an Indiana Jones game, I say, "This I can do." I can duck under or untie the string to walk past without getting mad at the kids. Huzzah!

Some of you are perhaps farther along on your walk towards simplicity, humility and counter-culturalism. What are your tips for reducing waste, consumption and vanity in this crazy, materialistic society we inhabit?

May Intentions

The Holy Father's general intention for this month is one of those issues that sits very heavily on my heart. I feel such pain for those poor souls who suffer slavery of any kind, but especially those girls who are kidnapped and kept as prostitutes. I can hardly even think about it, which makes me all the more troubled that there are those who have to do more than think: they must live it.

Our Holy Father prays this month:

That the shameful and monstrous commerce in human beings, which sadly involves millions of women and children, may be ended

.

I have researched this subject quite a bit, and prayed on it, and wondered how I can contribute in my small way to ending this blight on our human soul. While making a donation to an organization that works against human trafficking would be an ideal step, it's something that's very difficult for me to do, given the constraints of my situation. I do have some money, but the amount I'd be able to donate (around $20) seems like a drop in the bucket. I want to do more. It's also the main point of this blog to connect my everyday life to the lives of others, particularly those who are suffering. What can I do, as a SAHM of two children, to help those who are victims of human trafficking?

1. Raise the issue.
Simply as a function of my status as a stay at home mom, most of my conversations with my friends revolves around our kids, our husbands, and local events. I can do my part to make sure people know about the problem of human trafficking. I can mention an article I read in Marie Claire, specify our Holy Father's monthly intention before praying a group Rosary, wear a Common Thread ring or an anti-slavery t-shirt, or suggest my book group read Not For Sale. I can teach my children about slavery, in an age-appropriate manner, and help them understand how fortunate they are to be free. In short, I can look for opportunities given my by the Holy Spirit to share this issue with people who may be interested in learning more. As long as I do not lecture or push the subject past the point that people are willing to listen, there is no gathering where it would not be appropriate to take these poor with me.

2. Promote a Global Identity
The Church has been consistent in Her teaching that social justice is part of our duty as children of God, and also that the makeup of our global society can create situations of great injustice for which we must take responsibility. In other words, our choices here in America affect not only those we come into contact with, but people thousands of miles away whom we will never meet. It is not enough to care for myself and my family, I must care for the whole world. The more I understand about the complex machinery of international trade and globalization, the more I am able to make good choices that promote a culture of respect and preserve the humanity of everyone on Earth. This is a difficult concept to communicate in only a few sentences, but it is the foundation of my worldview and the reason I launched this blog.

3. Promote the Theology of the Body
Here's something more concrete! Many of the victims of human trafficking are young women and girls who are sold into brothels or to individual families as something between a concubine and domestic servant. I can't write here about how heartrendingly awful their lives are. The Marie Claire article in #1 above has a good overview. Sex slaves have been an unfortunate part of the human experience for as long as we have had a history, and it may seem there is very little I can do to change a culture so twisted that it would allow such atrocities. But I can. For one thing, I can use Natural Family Planning. The very nature of NFP is that it asks couples to deny their instinctual yearnings and instead focus their energies on love, mutual sacrifice, and non-sexual intimacy. In conjunction with the Theology of the Body, this teaching promotes the now nearly-laughable idea that men and women can control themselves and that sex is neither a right nor a recreation. We may not have cage brothels in my town, but we certainly have a culture where sex is not valued as it ought to be. My example may help others embrace the concept of self-giving through abstinence. In addition, times of abstinence can be difficult for couples. When it is difficult for me, I can offer up my feelings to God, asking Him to bring comfort, freedom, and healing to a woman trapped in slavery.

4. Promote Education
One of the causes of human trafficking is a lack of opportunity for those in poverty. In many instances, people are promised a job and then taken instead into a life of slavery. Sometimes, families sell their children because they have no other source of income. I have long believed that the key to eradicating poverty and oppression lies in education. It is not only a matter of job-training, although that is critically important, but also in allowing ideas to permeate a culture where, too often, hate and division have been predominant. Donating used books and school materials, volunteering at my kids' schools, and supporting my local library are all good ways that I can promote education right in my own neighborhood.

5. Advocate for Better Laws and Systems
While some aspects of human trafficking can get caught up in other issues, like immigration or reproductive rights, most legislation is thoroughly bipartisan. The Trafficking Victims Protection Act of 2000 passed the Senate unanimously. Catholic Relief Services has an Action Center where you can sign up to receive email alerts when relevant legislation needs your voice. I find it incredibly helpful to read the Bishops' position on pending legislation, not only to inform my conscience with the wisdom of Church teaching, but also because, frankly, I just don't have the time to research all the possible issues myself. Even when the government doesn't act upon our suggestions, we have at least made our position known. The more voices call out for justice, and the louder we shout, the more our elected officials will listen.

6. Pray

We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone. See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people. Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

-- Thessalonians 5: 14-18

PRAYER TO END TRAFFICKING

Lord of freedom and love, we are saddened to know that more than one million people are trafficked into slavery each year.
Our hearts grieve for what our minds can barely comprehend, particularly when we hear of women, men, and children who are deceived and transported to unknown places.
We recognize this sexual and economic exploitation occurs because of human greed and profit.
We are sorrowful and our spirits angry that human dignity is being degraded through deception and threats of force.
Help the violators to be transformed and enlightened to realize the scope of their unjust actions.
Allow them to see the value and the dignity of every human person.
Lord of Life, strengthen those whose hearts have been broken and lives have been uprooted.
Give us the light, grace, and courage to work with you so that we can all participate in the goodness of creation.
Fill us with the wisdom and courage to stand in solidarity with the victims so that we may all enjoy the freedoms and rights which have their source in your Son and our Lord Jesus Christ.

-- Adapted from Franciscans International and a prayer by Sr. G. Cassani, SSND

If you wish to learn more, or if you feel moved to help financially or otherwise, you can also visit the following websites dedicated to fighting human trafficking.

The Polaris Project: http://www.polarisproject.org/
The Somaly Mam Foundation: http://www.somaly.org/
Human Trafficking: http://www.humantrafficking.org
Catholic Relief Services: http://crs.org/public-policy/trafficking.cfm
The Human Trafficking Project: http://traffickingproject.blogspot.com/
Franciscans International: http://www.franciscansinternational.org/
International Justice Mission: http://www.facebook.com/InternationalJusticeMission (main page not loading for me, so I'm linking to their Facebook site) Thanks, Ruthanne!!
Project Exodus: www.project-exodus.org (Thanks, Tami!)

Prayer Request

Please pray for the Christians suffering persecution in India, including torture, forced conversion, loss of property, mutilation, rape and murder.

Catholic Online has a Virtual Vigil of Prayer and Solidarity for our brothers and sisters suffering this terrible persecution. Please sign it and pledge at the very least to pray a Rosary for them.

As today is Tuesday, I would like to offer a short reflection on the Sorrowful Mysteries in light of the tragedy taking place in India. May we, through prayer and sacrifice, join our hearts to theirs in a fervent petition for the Lord's protection and intercession!

First Sorrowful Mystery: Agony in the Garden
Dearest Lord, You spent the night before your Passion in prayer. You knew the trials You were to face, and though You faced them willingly, You felt all the fear and misery of a man led to his death. You know the terror in the hearts of our Christian brothers and sisters in India, who have watched their friends and families tortured or killed and know they may suffer the same. Strengthen them, Jesus. Infuse their hearts with the power and strength of the Holy Spirit, that they may face their trials with You beside them. Comfort and console them in their darkest hours.

Second Sorrowful Mystery: Scourging at the Pillar
Dearest Lord, though You were innocent of all wrongdoing, your enemies handed You over to be scourged and beaten. You suffered unspeakable pain for our sins and washed away our iniquities with your blood. You know the pain our Christian brothers and sisters in India are facing for their faith. Protect them, Jesus. Keep them from being delivered into the hands of their enemies, and bring an end to the violence that plagues that region.

Third Sorrowful Mystery: Crowning with Thorns
Dearest Lord, You endured the mockery of the Roman soldiers who dressed You in purple robes and placed a cruel crown of thorns upon your brow. As much as the pain of those sharp thorns, You felt the pain of their scorn and anger against You, who had come to Earth to save them. You know the sorrow of our Christian brothers and sisters in India who are persecuted for their faith, for living their lives in accordance with the teachings of the Gospel. Fortify them, Jesus. Let their suffering be witness to your greatness and a beautiful example to the world of what it truly means to be Christian.

Fourth Sorrowful Mystery: Carrying of the Cross
Dearest Lord, even after suffering hours of abuse, You still were made to carry your cross, the instrument of your death, all the way to Calvary. So grave were your wounds, so deep your injuries, that You fell three times and Stephen was pressed into assisting you. What an honor, Lord, to share your suffering and bear the burden of your cross! We who share a faith with our brothers and sisters in India can also share their suffering. Though we do not endure the magnitude of their trials, we may fast, pray and make sacrifices in solidarity with them. What an honor, Lord, to forgo a meal or spend an hour in Adoration for them, and for You!

Fifth Sorrowful Mystery: Crucifixion
Dearest Lord, as You hung upon the cross broken, bruised and bleeding, You turned your thoughts to those who persecuted You. Even in the moment of your death, You forgave them and extended the fullness of your love to all those who tormented You. Those people committing evil acts against our brothers and sisters in India are your children, too. You love them with the same generous, merciful spirit that You love all your people. Forgive them, Jesus. Help them see the error of their ways and stop this persecution. Heal their hearts and open them to the Truth of your Word. Comfort all those who have lost family members and loved ones, as once You comforted your Mother as she stood at the foot of your cross.

Blessed and merciful Lord, Hear Our Prayer! St. Jude, patron Saint of impossible causes, Pray for Us! Blessed Virgin Mary, Patron of India, Pray for Us!

Picture credit.

Sweatshops vs Prostitution

An excellent post on Vox Nova (by Katerina Ivanova on the difficulty in finding clothing that is made sustainably) contains an interesting thread of comments by people debating the repercussions of fighting sweatshop labor.

For the record, I don't agree with arguments like "But if they close the sweatshops all those people will be out of work and forced to turn to prostitution or starve!" From a wider perspective (a Catholic perspective) both slave/sweatshop labor and prostitution are equally evil and unjust. But opposing sweatshop labor is a step towards moral good: an economic society which pays its employees a fair wage. Doing nothing, or allowing sweatshops to continue as the "lesser of two evils," only perpetuates the status quo.

Each of us as individuals are morally obligated to do what we can and taking concrete, life-changing action. Yes, companies will close their sweatshops if they are told they can no longer operate them. And then what will the company do? Will they simply stop making clothes? Maybe. Or maybe they will open an sustainable, ethical shop somewhere else. Eventually (as is ALREADY happening) companies will realize the eyes of the world are on them. Companies CAN make clothing without sweatshops, so it's false to claim that denying them the opportunity to use sweatshops will destroy the industry. If all manufacturers are unable to operate while exploiting their workers, they will be forced to employ fair labor practices.

Take the United States as an example. We had child labor, slave labor, unsafe working conditions, hazardous factories dumping deadly chemicals into waterways...you name it, we've done it (and in some cases still are.) But overall, companies who operate in America comply with fair labor practices because the public and the government demands it. This has been the progression of the fair labor movement; it is the ultimate goal -- not to force one company or one country to operate effectively, but to create a society where exploitative labor is unacceptable. The most important step towards that is awareness. Without transparency, companies can flout public mores with impunity. This is partly why I consider the media (and journalism in particular) the most powerful tool for change.

The second step rests with us, the public. We must demand that companies find ways to operate ethically. It is a tragedy that this will result in the temporary worsening of many people's living conditions. The only way to mitigate such damage is to Take the Poor With You. Boycott unethical companies by refusing to buy their products. Go to that wedding in an old dress. And with the money you would have spent, contribute to charitable organizations that assist the poor and unemployed in countries affected by the boycott.

Thousands of soldiers and civilians died during World War II to rid the world of the Nazis. Pacifists might argue that since people were dying either way, the deliberate taking of another life could not be morally justified. But the Catholic principle of just war declares that it can. We must declare just war on oppression wherever we find it, even if it means engaging in what would otherwise be considered a great evil.

I believe if the greater good is being served and society is moving towards equity, justice, freedom and sustainability, then the evils that may come as part of the change are not only justified, they are in fact moral.

Wisdom From Old Traditions

I've just returned from celebrating the Passover Seder with some family friends. Having married into a Jewish family, and also having grown up in a heavily Jewish area, I am as familiar with the ceremonies and celebrations of Judaism as I am with my own faith. It was comforting, beautiful and spiritual to participate in the Seder as I remember it from my childhood, and to see the different traditions this new family has developed.

It was also comforting to have to deal with my 5 year old son's rambunctious behavior during the prayers and readings. Praise God! It's not the Church he hates...it's sitting still!

I had an interesting conversation with the host during the evening. As he humbly reminds me whenever we talk, he's not a rabbi, but he's certainly studied the Talmud and is a great source of information on tradition and theology.

I've been turning over the question of sacrifices in my head since I read it in my book on Stewardship, and can't quite put my finger on why it bothers me so much. An anonymous commenter wrote in my previous post on the subject that my current efforts to help the poor by living simply and increasing my prayer time ARE like the ancient offerings I find so inspiring simply because they have no visible effect. It requires faith to do them and believe that some good will come.

That's, I think, the crux of my problem. I wouldn't say I have little faith. In fact, I've always felt I had an abundance of it. I've always felt sure of God's presence in my life and believed the truth of His existence. I don't need miracles or proofs...If I found out tomorrow that absolutely everything in the Bible was wrong, that Jesus never existed, that humans were seeded on earth by aliens from another galaxy, I would still know that God was real. I have my doubts like anyone, but they are always allayed by the simple faith that He exists. Period.

But faith is just the first step. All my life, I've felt completely in accord with James when he talks about the need for action to complete ones faith:

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister has nothing to wear and has no food for the day, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, keep warm and eat well," but you do not give them the necessities of the body, what good is it? So also faith of itself, if it does not have works, is dead.
-- James 2:14-17

This is the classic "Show don't Tell" that every aspiring writer must take to heart. If I claim to be a Christian, I must BE a Christian. I can't simply talk about Christ's love. I have to SHOW it with everything I do, in all my thoughts, words and deeds.

This is why I can't find peace with the limitations I'm operating under right now. The most I can do for the poor is pray for them, and doing that without also giving money to charity feels like I'm telling the poor "I wish good things for you" and then walking away and leaving them in need.

My Jewish friend had a perspective that's somewhat helpful as I struggle with my situation. I asked him about the destruction of the Temple, and how the resulting loss of the priesthood has prohibited the Jews from offering sacrifices. "Do you feel that your faith lost anything when the sacrifices went from material things to solely spiritual ones? That in some ways, prayers cannot replace the very real act of taking something and burning it?"

He said suffering was never really the point of the sacrifices. It wasn't so much that God wanted His people to feel the absence of the first fruits, or the bull, or the lamb. The laws on what to sacrifice and when were meant to serve as reminders of God's presence and blessings. Keeping Kosher, for instance, is not about doing without certain foods. It is a lifestyle that keeps God at the forefront of our thoughts, and also a way for an observant Jew to set himself apart from the society he lives in, as another visible reminder that God is what is most important to him.

So that has really resonated with me. These things I am doing may not really have any impact on the poor, but they still DO impact the world. They are visible reminders, to me and to those who know me, that God is present among us. They are witness to my faith and the importance of God in my life.

If I can do them cheerfully, consistently and lovingly, they may be the best ways to evangelize others. They are an opportunity for me to share my knowledge and help others think about the poor in their lives. I can't do much right now, but others can...if they are so inclined. Taking the poor with me through my actions also brings them into the lives of those I associate with, and if that inspires someone to give then I HAVE helped the poor (indirectly.)

Instead of focusing on what I'm not doing, I should think about what I am doing. The Jewish people did not abandon their faith when the Temple was destroyed and their entire way of relating to God had to change. They found ways to live apart in witness to God and preserved the intent of their laws.

Their example can serve as an inspiration to me, and a reminder of why I'm doing this.

Picture credit: TRAVIS SPRADLING/The Advocate

Earthly Justice

I spent some time at a nearby cemetery today. As part of All Souls week, we Catholics can gain plenary indulgences for the souls in Purgatory if we do a few simple things. While there I saw a gravemarker with dates from 2004 to 2006. "How sad," I thought. "A little child." Then I looked below it and saw a similar stone with dates from 2002 to 2006. November 10, 2006, to be precise, and I realized this poor family had lost both their children on the same day.

Actually, they lost even more than that. A drunk driver ran up on a curb and killed these two children and their mother. Their father survived with injuries. From what I could determine, the driver was sentenced to 48 years in prison, eligible for parole after 33. The blogosphere seems to consider this a travesty of justice, but I wonder...what is justice in this case? What is justice in any case?

As the wife of a lawyer (and a woman who aspires to law herself) I've always been a firm believer in justice and our system of law. No, it's not perfect. Nothing on this earth really is. But I've always felt it's an essential part of a free society. If there is no retribution for a wrong committed, then there is no point in declaring something wrong in the first place.

But it brings home to me how empty and meaningless earthly justice can be. For the truly horrendous crimes and for those who deeply, deeply suffer, there's nothing that we as humans can do that even approaches making things right. The problem with justice, as I see it, is that it's a reaction to a wrong. It's a response. And by its very nature, it can only offer a part of what has been lost because it's never possible to erase the past.

Sometimes I find myself frustrated and discouraged by this idea: that there's nothing we can do to make things right for people who have suffered. Particularly in the worst cases, as with the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, the genocide in Rwanda, or the violence of suicide bombers, I'm left wondering what anyone can do. 48 years in prison won't bring back the Binghams. It probably won't prevent this sort of tragedy from happening to anyone else, either. There's plenty of drunk drivers out there, and all our laws and punishments for DUIs haven't made it any safer to cross the street in Denver. So what to do?

The answer lies in our focus, and it is one of the reasons why I am a person of fervent faith. If we focus on this life as the only form of our existence, then every ounce of our strength has to go into protecting people while preventing and punishing acts of injustice. And when our efforts fail (as they must) we are left with the sense that nothing has been accomplished.

But if we focus on eternal life, the entire point of our existence changes. It's not incumbent upon us to bring peace to every corner of the world or eradicate all suffering. Suffering is part of life, as a recent post on Et Tu, Jen so eloquently showed. We have not failed if suffering remains. We have succeeded if we brought comfort to the afflicted, if we dedicated ourselves to reaching out and touching as many people as we can with the love of Christ, if we in any small way freed another soul from the darkness of its burden and brought healing to the injured.

I understand that many atheists see this as a cop-out and an excuse to do nothing about preventing tragedy. It's one of Hitchens' major complaints about Mother Theresa, that instead of working to heal and help the people who came to her in Calcutta, she merely held their hands and gave them her loving presence while they suffered and died. I can understand his outrage; after all, if life is the whole point, then it's a crime to withold any and all extraordinary measures to prolong it. The money Mother Theresa received should, in Hitchens' mind, have gone towards alleviating poverty, medical care, food for the hungry, social change, etc etc etc.

But this misses the point of Mother Theresa's ministry, which was to bring love and comfort and hope to the dying. Not hope of earthly life, but of salvation and eternal life. I think Mother Theresa saw the truth in a way most of us cannot. All the money in the world will not eradicate poverty (certainly not in India where the societal hierarchy prevents the sort of intraclass movement that our country is built upon.) Rather than expend her energies trying to make this earthly life better for those who were suffering, she dedicated herself to bringing a small glimpse of Heaven into their hearts.

I absolutely believe that we ought to work tirelessly and passionately to bring change in the world. That's the point of this blog, to help me do whatever I can for the poor. Fundamentalist regimes that trod on the personhood of their citizens are an affront to the dignity of human life. Greedy dictators who sap their countries of natural resources and leave their people to starve are as thoroughly evil as people can be. Acts of hate and violence against minorities and people of differing viewpoints are anathema to the inclusive love God has for all His children. I support the organization of a free society in which each person is respected from the moment of conception, and is given the right and opportunity to choose their own path.

But Jesus has said, "The poor you will always have with you." In His wisdom He has told us the future and revealed a fundamental truth of life: there will always be suffering. And, too, there will always be men who choose to do evil. That is the price of free will.

So when we are faced with tragedy, with crime, with injustice, what is our response? As Christians, it must be love. The desire for vengeance has no part in the message of Christ. Nor does the misguided attempt to punish the transgressor for his act. Earthly justice may serve to deter future drunks from getting behind the wheel, or decrease the chance of his committing the same crime again, but it doesn't bring much comfort or healing to the victims themselves.

That's our job.

The Heart of a Home

We are painting several rooms in our new house at the moment. My bath mat post has me reflecting on what makes a house into a home, and what is worthy of spending our money on. My primary goal remains to live as simply as possible, but does that extend to keeping walls stark and barren, or refraining from all decorating?

I think not, for several reasons. The first is that a home is a very personal expression of the family who resides in it. It's not enough to have shelter from the weather, as the sometimes remarkable efforts of college students to personalize their living spaces will attest. Within each of us is the fundamental desire to have a place that represents us, that evokes within us a sense of comfort and happiness.

A home is also the place we spend most of our time. (Especially those of us who are SAHMs!) It is where our family gathers together, where we instruct our children in the values we hope they will hold as adults. It's important for the home to be a place that's welcoming, pleasant and orderly, as these things encourage the family to spend time there. Restaurants make great efforts to decorate so that people feel engaged and interested when they come to eat there -- shouldn't we do the same for our homes? Studies have shown that patients respond better to treatment and ask for less pain medication when their hospital rooms are warmly and colorfully decorated, as opposed to the traditional sterile environment we've come to associate with medical facilities. Shouldn't our homes also be places that soothe our souls?

Finally, our home is a gift we give others through hospitality. Before guests come over, we make an extra attempt to clean. We pick up the kids' toys that have lain out in various stages of assembly the whole week. We sweep and mop the floors, even if we just did them the day before. We vacuum, we straighten pictures, we put flowers on the table. Why? To honor the person who is entering. By creating a welcoming and pleasant atmosphere, we are saying to our guest: you are important to us, so important that we will go out of our way to bring a little bit of joy into your heart. Shouldn't our homes be worthy gifts to give those who visit us?

Order and beauty are good for us mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally. So the question is not "Should we decorate our homes?" but "How can we take the poor with us while we decorate our homes?"

The first way is to follow the "Rs" as much as possible. Reduce the clutter in our houses. We really don't need that much stuff. Reuse by shopping for decorations at yard sales and antique shops. When we do redecorate, recycle the old materials (hold a yard sale, donate old doors to Habitat for Humanity, dispose of paint properly and safely.) Research where we buy our decorations (Many Christmas lights are made in China by slave labor.) Be responsible, buy only what we need; if there's an attractive painting hanging in the foyer, don't buy a new one just "for a change." Here's where the difference between painting a wall and buying a bath mat comes into play. The only person affected by our lack of a bath mat is myself. My husband does not care. My guests never see our upstairs bathroom. My refusal to buy a bath mat helps me exercise restraint and develop humility. Refraining from decorating our more public areas, however, affects our whole family and those we invite into our homes. In this instance, I feel it's something that's worth doing.

When we do decorate, whenever possible, we should try to do the work ourselves. Most of us are not electricians, so I would always call in an expert if we changed our light fixtures or installed a new appliance. Painting, however, is something we can do ourselves, and something we should do. It's hard work. It's time consuming. It's messy. All these things might make the idea of calling in a painter seem very appealing, but there's merit in working with our own hands, not least because it helps us understand, in stark, physical detail, what it's like for the millions of people who labor for their daily bread. Like so many Americans, the closest I come to working with my hands involves chopping up an onion for dinner or typing on the computer. Physical labor can be a form of mortification as well -- it strengthens our souls as well as our bodies.

For us, painting is something we no longer want to wait on. We've lived in this house for 4 months with its bare white walls and darkwood trim and beige carpet, and it's honestly depressing to come home. So last weekend we bought some paint on the advice of a very reasonable color consultant who came out and planned a color scheme with us, and so far my husband has painted two walls and the powder room in bright, warm color.

The difference it makes is astounding and wonderful. It makes me think about those who have lost their homes, who are living now in conditions that are humiliating, depressing, or uncomfortable. I have beauty now in my home, and I want to give a little back, to help someone who isn't so fortunate as to have an accent wall in "Love Affair" in their foyer. I'm thinking particularly of refugees like those in Chad, displaced from their homes in Darfur where the Janjaweed have burned and destroyed every village inhabited by the non-Arabic population.

60 Minutes had an profound and disturbing segment on the conflict which aired this weekend. My husband and I watched it together. In it, they visited a camp run by The International Rescue Committee populated by thousands and thousands of people. I'd like to give some money to them, equal to the amount we just spent on paint. It's a small gesture, but a little can go a long way. And it's a good way to take the poor with me, even while I'm doing something extremely personal and insular, such as decorating my home.

Because I feel that's the true heart of a home. It's not the immaculate kitchen floor or the perfectly placed vase of cattails, it's the meaning behind the objects that decorate and the people who inhabit the place we call our own. When I look at my walls, I want them to mean something. And I want that something to be more than "Mustard Seed."

Picture Credit

An Idiot's Guide to Offering it Up

Ask Sister Mary Martha has a hilarious and perfect post about "offering it up" for the sake of the poor. I heartily recommend her blog to everyone.

Just be forewarned: you are liable to spray beverages all over your computer screen because she's THAT funny.

Cars

This has been a difficult entry for me to write. I'm having trouble sorting out my personal hang-ups on this issue from the way God is using my conscience to guide me. But a bigger part is that I really don't know how you can possibly be responsible to the poor while buying a new car.

I hate cars, in general. They're money suckers that start to hemorrhage value the minute you drive them off the lot. Even the most reliable car still costs money every time you drive it, and between gas, insurance, repairs and parking fees, the entire proposition of car ownership requires a nearly constant payout. Beyond the dollar aspect, I have a natural disdain for things other people look at as status symbols. I'm blessed in this respect. Of all the crosses I bear and vices I struggle with, I'm lucky that at least I don't have to fight a desire to own several sporty, luxury cars and wheel them around town to impress people.

So it's understandable that when my husband first broached the subject of buying a new car, I was less than enthused. Moreover, we already HAD two cars -- a '98 Toyota Camry and an '02 Toyota Solara. I was driving the Camry very happily to the grocery store and my parents' house and the mall and church and school, etc. My two kids easily fit in the back. In fact, my whole family easily fit in the car, as did a week's worth of groceries and a stroller. But my husband couldn't adjust the driver's seat comfortably and still fit my daughter's backward-facing car seat behind him.

This, my friends, is where the breakdown occurred, and where my petty will prevented me from finding a way to make good come out of a bad situation. I didn't want a new car. I wanted to make do with the ones we had, or perhaps to keep the Camry and buy a used hybrid for my husband to drive to and from work. My husband was firmly for buying a bigger car that would give us the flexibility to take longer trips, especially since we now lived an hour away from our nearest relatives and would likely be taking weekend or longer trips in the car.

In a perfect world (and a perfect marriage) we would have discussed the options and come to a mutual conclusion that satisfied all our interests. Instead, I had a few reluctant conversations where I whined about not wanting a new car and my husband insisted that we needed one. In a perfect world, I would have researched and prayed until I found a car that met all my needs and satisfied my husband as well. Instead I crossed my arms and adopted a "Then let it be upon your head!" sort of attitude.

So I didn't get involved with researching and weighing our options. I didn't even speak a single word about it to God, not even to ask that He guide our decision. It's a classic example of my passive-aggressive tendencies. If I didn't get involved, then I could pretend that I didn't really buy a car, even though I was driving it every day. Yeah, it doesn't make sense to me, either, but there it is. This is, unfortunately, one of the crosses I bear: the tendency to procrastinate on things I don't want to do.

Had I been doing my research, I would have discovered the following:

1. Cars are useful things that can HELP you take the poor with you. One with ample trunk space enables you to shop garage sales for things like furniture and bicycles so you can buy used instead of wasting money and resources on new household items. One big enough to fit your whole family enables you to drive to Michigan to visit grandparents instead of flying there.

2. Unless you live in a major metropolitan area with excellent public transportation, you need a car. If you have more than two kids under the age of 12, in order to comply with car seat safety laws, you need a big car. On the scale of need to frivolous purchase, a car is firmly on the need side. What KIND of car you get can tip it over into frivolous, so the selection is what matters most.

3. It's not all about price. It's not all about fuel economy either. Obviously, price and size are going to the the primary factors that govern your decision, with fuel economy running close behind. Beyond the basics, there are host of other considerations: emissions, manufacturer's ethics, company philosophy and practices, recyclability of materials, reliability, longevity etc. The US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has a comparison site that lists all makes and models and gives their emissions rating and fuel economy. Keep in mind that there's more to an environmentally sound car than fuel efficiency. If you're interested in taking the poor with you, pay close attention to where and how the car is manufactured, especially considering the poor tend to live and work within breathing distance of factories or in countries that provide many of the raw materials used to make cars.

4. Dealerships will finance a used vehicle, usually one that has been returned at the end of a lease rather than optioned. The manufacturer's website should have a link to "certified used cars" which allows you to search for used vehicles in the make and year you're interested in online. In general, the same financing options that apply for a new car will apply to a used car, allowing you the flexibility to buy a used car without putting tens of thousands of dollars down. If you prefer to lease, there are companies that provide this service for used cars, too. While used is almost always better than new, be sure you find out the fuel economy of the newest model to see whether it has substantially improved and check recalls and safety improvements.

5. The web is a great tool. There are tons of sites where consumers rate the reliability of their cars (used and new!), so you can determine which make will likely last the longest as well as see specific information on the cars you're considering (repair estimates, recalls, problems, etc.) Cars ought to last a long time, long enough to see that toddler you're strapping into a car seat off to college if they're maintained properly and parts replaced when necessary. Google "car comparisons" or "consumer reviews auto" and get comfortable.

6. Keep an open mind. I went into the process DEAD SET AGAINST an SUV. I thought they were the heaviest, most expensive cars on the market. Not so. I thought they were all gas guzzlers with the worst fuel economies on the road. Nope. I thought they all drove like buses and were unsafe, prone to rollovers and catching on fire. Not all.

The outcome of our car search? As you can guess from all the links, we ended up with a 2007 Honda CR-V. It's a great car -- inexpensive, reliable, comfortable, roomy, sensible and everyone who owns one loves it. Including me. Despite my hatred for cars, I can't deny that it drives like a dream, gets great fuel economy for its size (25.7 mpg on the last tank) and (though this probably won't appeal to everyone) has a shelf in the trunk that's perfect for changing a baby's diaper when you're out and about. No need to lug that diaper bag into the store with you! Change in the parking lot before you enter. It's fantastic, though I think the fun will end abruptly come winter.

I've thought about an appropriate gift to the poor as a gesture of appreciation to God for the privilege of my new car. I'm considering giving a llama to a family in South America. Heifer International provides needed livestock to the poor under the charitable philosophy of "teach a man to fish, and you'll feed him for a lifetime. Just be sure you also give him a fishing rod." In addition to wool and milk, llamas provide transportation and can carry goods to market. And a whole llama only costs 0.7% of the car we're financing.

When it comes down to it, I'm not proud of the outcome. We should have gotten a used car, I think. But I can continue to take the poor with me by walking as much as possible (as I did to the library today, dragging a recalcitrant 4 year old along beside me) and combining errands into one trip. Whenever I drive , I can save gas and increase my mileage by following a few simple tips. And most importantly, I can drive my nice, new CR-V into the ground. When my 4 year old wants a car to take with him to Harvard, I can hand him the keys and say "Load it up, Sweets. That shelf in the back nearly doubles the trunk space!"