Sunday, March 21, 2010
I'm late on 7 Quick Takes because I'm only online on Sundays. Hopefully I can jump in without penalty!
1. It's very unlikely we will homeschool next year. While I see successes in some areas, the overall atmosphere is very unpleasant. My son hates learning and complains no matter what task I set him to. He procrastinates and sulks and sabotages his assignments, which makes me so frustrated that I lose my temper and create exactly the kind of environment that experts say prevents a child's ability to learn. I've prayed for strength, for patience, for guidance, and it comes down to this: it's not working. I want to be open minded and accept that homeschool might not be right for us.
2. So we are in the process of finding a school for him. I'd like to make the financial sacrifice and send him to our parish school, if only because at least that way he'd still get to Mass once during the week and would receive catechism instruction on a daily basis. I'm not yet convinced, though, that the benefits of a Catholic education outweigh the financial burden. But I found the public school overcrowded when we visited last week, so if I had to choose, I'd prefer the private school.
3. I am starting to get really super-excited about the idea of having some time to myself every day. I could work on my book. Possibly (gulp) finish it! I could do fun stuff with my son instead of having all our interactions be adversarial! I could schedule doctors appointments that don't involve my kids shouting and screaming and barging in while I'm being examined! I could sit at Mass and actually pray in silence! Wow!
4. I am also really, fundamentally, depressed about this. It's hard not to feel like a failure. If I were a better teacher, perhaps my son wouldn't fight learning so much. It saddens me that he'll have so much less time now for role play and adventuring. I hate that he'll be gone 7 hours every day and that he'll probably be spending most of that sitting down at a desk. I am deeply worried about his social interactions, both the influences he'll be exposed to as well as the potential for bullying. This just isn't what I wanted for him.
5. My dad has invited us to visit Malta with him this summer. I haven't been since I was three, and this time I really want to explore the churches and the monuments and take a boat tour and all sorts of amazing things that you can do on an island in the middle of the Mediterranean that was settled by ancient Romans! I am supremely blessed with family members who buy me vacations to wonderful places. Unfortunately, I am afraid to fly and will probably spend the entire time over the ocean going through decade after decade of the Rosary. Eh. Prayers are never a bad thing.
6. Last year, I declined requests to be a catechist at my Parish as well as a co-leader for my moms group and planning member of the Colorado Catholic Homeschoolers conference because we were planning to be open to life in January and I didn't think it was a good idea to commit to a volunteer position and then disappear off the face of the Earth halfway through. I'm facing the same choice again for the fall, which is when we are next planning to be open to life again after the unforeseen ectopic pregnancy I experienced a few months ago. Part of me thinks it's ridiculous to plan for something that may not happen, the rest of me thinks that ALL plans may not happen so that's stupid logic. I have been feeling a pull to take more risks and trust God more lately. So perhaps I'll go ahead and volunteer, and then trust that people will figure things out if we are blessed as we hope to be in the fall.
7. And in news that illuminates posts 1 - 6 as the frivolous prattle of a person with no real problems, I found out yesterday that a friend is pregnant. She's really not in a very good place right now and can't afford another baby. I don't want to say any more out of respect for her privacy, but I do ask that you pray for R--. She is not considering an abortion at all, but she is very worried about how they can manage, and she needs a great deal of help.
More Quick Takes at Conversion Diary!