I get my sinning started first thing in the morning.

I'm trying to convince myself I don't need a bath mat. Why is it so hard not to spend money? I mean, I obviously am spending money. I bought my son a bike helmet at Target on Monday. I would have bought myself a round pail with a locking lid for my daughter's dirty diapers on Tuesday, but I can't seem to find a store that carries one. Today I dropped $100 at the grocery store for a week's worth of groceries. These are things I need, so I have to buy them. I don't have to buy myself a bath mat. We have an old towel on the floor which absorbs excess water just fine. It looks kind of jenky, as my sister would say, but it works.

So why do I look at it every morning and think to myself, "Man, I want a bath mat"? Why can't I just get over it and accept that I'm not going to buy the bath mat?

I'm also struggling with a desire for accolades. I want my husband to say something like, "Tienne, I've noticed how you're trying to save our family money by not buying a bath mat for the bathroom. I think it shows your strength of will and commitment to your ideals, and I'm proud of you."

This isn't going to happen for a bunch of reasons, primarily because my husband would just never say something like that and also because I haven't talked to anyone about this blog or what I'm trying to do. So it's doubly futile to hope for some kind of verbal acknowledgment or praise.

And I shouldn't need it. I mean, I'm not doing this for the accolades. I'm doing it because I think it's right.

So why do I feel disgruntled that I'm not being verbally stroked for my efforts?

I think it reflects just how difficult it is to be countercultural. As a faithful Catholic and natural living advocate, I ought to be used to this experience. In college, I used to respond to guys expressing interest with a flat "Just so you know, I'm a good Catholic. I don't have sex." And I have received a few indulgent smirks when revealing that I don't believe in punishing my kids or that a hospital is one of the worst places to have a baby.

It's amazing to me, though, how virulent the hostility can be to the idea that we don't have the right to spend our money however we want it. Of all the norms in our society, money may be one of the most untouchable and entrenched. People simply DO NOT want to admit that there's a moral component to the way they spend money, or that they have an obligation to people outside their family circle.

I mentioned at dinner one holiday ago that we Americans have an obligation to take care of the world because we are so incredibly rich. One of my relatives immediately piped up, "Well, not me! I'm totally broke." I replied, "You have a house with running water and a television. Your kids are well fed and educated. They have toys. You have more outfits than there are days in a month. Compared to the rest of this world, you and your kids are living like kings." But I could see that she completely disagreed with me -- in her mind, she was poor because she still had to think about money. She still had to plan where it went, save for the things she wanted, and worry about having enough for the things she needed.

I think the culture of our society has such a skewed perception of "rich" because we rarely see the truly poor. The Heritage Foundation posted a study a few years ago that studied poverty in America, and found that

Overall, the typical American defined as poor by the government has a car, air conditioning, a refrigerator, a stove, a clothes washer and dryer, and a microwave. He has two color televisions, cable or satellite TV reception, a VCR or DVD player, and a stereo. He is able to obtain medical care. His home is in good repair and is not overcrowded. By his own report, his family is not hungry and he had sufficient funds in the past year to meet his family's essential needs.

There are people in need in this country, of course, people who are homeless, or going without food so their children can eat, or unable to pay their heating bills, or working in unsafe and toxic conditions. In fact, America has the widest gap between rich and poor in the world. But the average person who qualifies for assistance in America is better off than an upper class person in a developing nation. Small wonder, then, that we can't see how rich we are, if that's who we classify as poor.

And it's not just wealth that places us so far above the rest of the world. The advances in technology that we enjoy as a matter of course are so remarkable that they would be beyond the imagination of even a rich American of the previous century. As the Futurist has famously stated:

Consider John D. Rockefeller, a name nearly synonymous with wealth. At one point he had a net worth as high as 1/65th of US GDP at that time, a figure that would be the equivalent of $190 Billion today - four times what Bill Gates currently has. He owned land, employed people, and had political clout that would seem extraordinary at any time in history. But, having died in 1937 at the age of 98, Rockefeller never had photographs of his childhood, never watched a color film, never flew in a jet engine airplane, and never saw a photograph of the Earth taken from space. If Rockefeller wished to travel from New York to Chicago, it took him and his entourage more than a day. If his servant cut him during a morning shave (or even if he did it himself), a cloth bandage was the only kind available. His underwear did not have elastic, and since no cohort of servants could have realistically alleviated that problem for him, he probably spent every day accustomed to irritating hassles that would be unacceptable to even the poorest Americans today. He couldn’t have even obtained a tube of mint-gel toothpaste or a can of chilled Coca-Cola from a soda machine.

Just as I'm struggling to imagine how my mother went her whole childhood without central air or forced heat, most of us can't imagine living without a refrigerator or running water. These things are so natural to us, so ingrained in our lifestyles, that an existence without them is simply incomprehensible. How DO the 33 million people currently living in refugee camps survive? The conditions are brutal, and that's not even counting the emotional turmoil, the grief of losing family members, the stigma of interracial rape, the threat of continued violence, the adjustment to having lost a limb, etc etc etc.

In light of all this, how can I possibly step out of my hot, clean, wonderful shower, a luxury unattainable by the vast majority of this world's inhabitants, and fret about a BATH MAT? And then fret that no one is complimenting me for not buying one?

My selfishness is mind-boggling.

Picture credit.

Pray for...

DARFUR

The Unitarian Universalist Service Committee has posted a great video on YouTube that outlines the conflict and highlights some ways we can all help.

The number one thing we can do: Pray.

This week, pray for Darfur. Visit www.savedarfur.org for more information and ways to help.

Pray without ceasing. (1 Thes 5, 17) With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit. (Eph 6, 18) Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. (Phil 4, 6)

"Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours." (Mark 11 , 24)

Solidarity Without Spending

I enjoy giving to charity; in fact, I'd like to do more because there are so many amazing organizations out there doing all sorts of wonderful things. But Take the Poor With You isn't really about throwing money at the problem (although that helps, no mistake.) The main thing I'm interested in doing is changing my lifestyle and the way I think, the way I blithely go through my day surrounded by wealth and comfort and hardly even stop to recognize my blessings, let alone truly appreciate them.

So I've been trying out ways of living that take the poor with me. Today I shortened my shower. This is a big thing for me, because I'm always cold. Something about my circulation is off, I don't know, but my feet and hands are always freezing and I'm generally the first one in a room to put on a sweater or make a cup of tea. So the joy of a nice hot shower in the morning is an indulgence I've always looked forward to. Nothing else really warms me the way a shower does, nothing else dissolves my back pain and limbers the stiffness of sleeping all night curled around a nursing baby. I could happily spend 20 minutes just enjoying my shower (providing the kids are happy, of course.)

But water's one of our most precious resources. Social scientists are predicting that within 50 years we'll be viewing water like we view oil today, complete with violent conflicts over access and supply. In Darfur, women leave the safety of their camps every day for water, knowing they will be raped. Yet they go anyway, because they must.

In light of that, indulging myself in a long, hot hower just seems too selfish and irresponsible. True solidarity would probably be to stop showering altogether, sponge bathe myself in a tub of rainwater, or shower in cold water. But I'm not willing to go that far at this point. However, I can use less water. I can shorten my shower. I can pray for Darfur and for all refugees and victims of rape.

I've also been limiting myself to vegetarian entrees when I go out to eat, and when I do our grocery shopping, I buy only sustainable foods. At home we only cook meat twice a week (which really saves on our grocery bills, let me tell ya.) Ordering the vegetarian option at a restaurant helps me honor the poor in several ways:

1. It is a sacrifice for me to turn away from the plank-grilled salmon or turkey bacon club sandwich I really want. I can offer up this sacrifice for people who are hungry.

2. While the main problems our food supply creates are with factory farming as a method, and not with the raising and slaughter of animals per se, the vegetarian option has less cruelty, oppression and waste associated with it.

3. It's almost always cheaper, and considerably so. The money I save can be donated to organizations that help migrant workers, provide support to those injured at work, or promote small, local farms.

The last thing I'm working on is a strictly personal effort. Right now, my husband is at our home in Colorado studying for the bar while I am in northern Michigan with his family, giving him space and quiet. I miss him. A lot. I'm also tired of being the sole person responsible for the kids' routine: I feed them, I entertain them, I dress them, I read the stories, give the baths, put them to bed, etc. My husband has spent the last two months either at work, at class, or studying, and though I get to talk to him every day, we haven't had the chance for any real conversations and he just doesn't have any time to help with the kids. It's not OH GOOD GRACIOUS THIS HUGE BURDEN or anything, but it's exhausting and I really really really want a break. I also really really really want to see my husband again and have the opportunity to talk with him and reconnect.

Whenever we discuss the situation, he always mentions how much worse things would be if he were in Iraq right now, instead of safe and comfortable at home. It really humbles me to think about the servicemen and women around the world who have left their families and put their lives on the line for our country. The justification of their sacrifice is neither here nor there; the point is they're making one. A big one. So whenever I miss him, I say a prayer for the women who are missing their husbands and worrying about their safety. Whenever I just don't feel like cajoling more green beans into the stomach of my 4 year old, I pray for those moms left as single mothers while their husbands are away for years at a time. Whenever my 10-month old does something new and I wish my husband were here to see it, I pray for those fathers and mothers who miss years of their kids' lives (first steps, births, first teeth, first smiles, first days of school, graduations, etc.)

If awareness is my goal, this really achieves it.

Q & A

What is all this exactly?

Take the Poor With You is a way of thinking, mostly centered around awareness of the many people in this world who are much less privileged than I. When I am aware, I am grateful. When I'm grateful, I want to give back. My goal is to always be thinking globally, so that everything I do benefits the world instead of just myself.


What does that mean in practical terms?


The general guidelines are explained best in the "Three Rs to Remember" post. Basically, I am trying to reduce my consumption and live more simply, support companies that are responsible to the poor, and balance my spending on myself with donations to charities.


Why not just sell everything and go live on a commune in Africa?

Some people are called to that vocation. Others are called to support them. Jesus called us all to be His disciples, but He only called twelve to leave their families and walk with Him as He proclaimed the Gospel. In my vocation as a wife and mother, in my location in America, in my own capacity and with the talents God has given me, I want to do as much for the poor as I can. So while taking care of my family and providing a loving, God-centered home, I'm trying to live simply, be responsible with my money and time, and donate where I can to assist those who are directly ministering to the poor.


Is this some sort of religious thing?

I am a devout Catholic. Everything I am and everything I do will be impacted by my faith. Take the Poor With You is not about religion, it is about love. For some, the two are synonomous, but you don't need to be a Christian to understand that there are those who need our help, and we are morally bound to provide it if we can.


I work hard for my money. Why should I give it away?

If hard work were the only requirement for wealth and prosperity, then most of the world's rich people would be poor and most of the poor would be rich. The real disparity is not in effort, but in opportunity. So if we've been blessed with opportunities and talents, it's our responsibility first to make good use of them, and then to turn around and share them with others. That means building schools, providing food and humanitarian aid, working for justice and democracy, promoting fair trade and international business ethics, working to cure and prevent deadly diseases and ensuring that basic human rights are met in every country around the world.

If everyone adopted this method our economy would tank. We need motivated workers for businesses to succeed and active spending to support commercial enterprise. Living "simply" and giving to charity sound like good ideas in theory, but people just won't work as hard if there's no benefit for them.

There's plenty of benefit. It's the difference between enough and too much. Imagine a restaurant with two tables. The first is piled high with food: omletes, salad, roast beef, smoked salmon, honey glazed ham, onion rings, green beans almondine, spinach pies, bread of all kinds, drinks of all kinds. The people at that table are eating, laughing, talking with their friends, pushing back from the table and rubbing their stomachs. "Oh, I ate too much!" "I'm so full!" The other table has nothing but bread. Does it make sense for the first table to call out for dessert and tip the waitress to add extra chocolate sauce, when they are already so full they can't sit comfortably? Does it really matter in this scenario who has money and who doesn't? Will the restaurant go under if the first table buys a decent meal for the other table instead of ordering dessert?


The purpose of money is to buy things. Of course. But it's what we buy, why we buy it, and for whom that matters.



But you're taking things too far. Your posts sound like you consider it wrong to buy a chai at Starbucks. Shouldn't you enjoy life once in a while?

I think there's room for a discussion on why we enjoy buying things so much. We truly do not need most of the things we own. So why do we buy them? To impress our neighbors? To feel the pride of ownership? To soothe an anxiety or distract us from a worry? Simply because we can? Why do I want that chai latte? It isn't the caffine fix. I can spend 7 minutes boiling water for tea at home and it would jolt my system in the exact same way, and for pennies. A treat from Starbucks fills a desire in a specific way that homemade tea or free office coffee does not. THAT'S what we're buying. Starbucks, for the most part, treats their employees well and offers fair trade varieties of their coffee, so I'm not saying we shouldn't support Starbucks! I am saying that we cling to our rituals and our freedom to spend frivolously for the wrong reasons.


Of course we should enjoy ourselves once in a while. God is a loving father who wants to provide us with good things and see us happy. But we can think before buying that chai: is there someone who needs this money more than I? Can I buy a tall instead of a grande and donate the difference? Can I get a plain coffee instead of an iced frapuccino with caramel swirl and donate the difference? Can I donate the same amount I'm spending to charity? Can I go without coffee today and strengthen my will? How can I take the poor with me, right here, right now, and make a difference that matters?


And that's the point.

Deprivation ain't all bad

I had a long conversation with my mom the other day about her childhood. She grew up in rural Croatia in the 50s and 60s, in a small village by the Adriatic sea. I love talking with her about it because it's like something out of a book, complete with drawing water from a well, cooking on a wood burning stovetop, milking goats, and walking to school on a single pair of shoes. My mother and her family didn't starve, but they didn't quite have enough, either. She went to school, her father had work and she lived in a solidly built house. They even had meat, though not a great deal of it. But they were poor, especially in comparison to my typical American lifestyle.

What struck me most in talking with her was how little she really needed. Of course she could have had more, and wanted more. She would have loved six Barbie dolls to play with and a trunk full of clothes to dress them in. I'm sure her brother would have treasured a remote-controlled car that made vrooming noises and popped a wheelie if you spun the joystick backwards. But she never remembers being bored as a child. She played with the other children in the village, explored the mountains, waded in the sea and helped out around the house and in the fields.

Treats for my mom included sharing a soft boiled egg with her mother and brother. An orange in winter. Fresh blood sausages cooked over hot coals when they slaughtered the Christmas pig. Fresh fish if someone caught some.

You'd expect that she would look back on this life from the perspective of her current comfortable existence and cringe. "Thank the Lord I got out of there!" or something similar. She feels nothing of the kind. Obviously, now that she's able to, she buys meat several times a week and cooks varied, healthy meals for her family. She buys new clothes when she wants them and goes out to eat with her friends. But she doesn't consider herself damaged from having to "endure" her childhood. Her general feeling seemed to be that life was what it was. There were hardships and everything required work. Sometimes she was cold. Sometimes she was hot. Sometimes she was hungry.

Well, that's life.

What an alien way to look at things! What a beautiful perspective. Life does not owe me constant comfort and the immediate satisfaction of every desire. That's not life. Life is taking happiness from small moments and cherishing the good times when they come, holding your head up in the bad times, and thanking God for it all. It's no surprise that the more society attempts to pursue pleasure, comfort and excess, the less satisfied we are with what we have.

I contrast my mom's childhood with my life right now, and I am struck by how little I have to complain about. Laundry, for me, is a ten minute process. We have access to fresh vegetables every day of the year. The dishwasher washes my dinner plates for me. I sleep in a really comfortable bed (pillow topped mattress and all.) My children have their own rooms and many stimulating toys and books.

Yet do you know what's consuming my mind right now? The fact that we don't have air conditioning. Our home is sound, roomy and comfortable with windows on every side and soft carpeting underfoot. We have a view of the mountains. Yet there's no A/C, and it's 97 degrees today.

I could use a bit of my mom's attitude right now. After all, I'm fine. I'm not exactly comfortable, but upstairs the windows are open and the fans are on, so I'm pretty sure I'll be able to sleep tonight. We have plenty of water, so I don't need to worry about dehydration. There's plenty of shade, ice in the freezer, and very little humidity. Things could be much, much worse.

It's okay sometimes for life to be a little bit hard. I feel a kinship with my mother now, and with the millions of people throughout the world who are hot in summer and cold in winter. It's a little thing, and perhaps a silly one, but it turns my mind from myself. I think that's reason enough to suffer a little bit right there.

Accountability

Jennifer F. brought up a great point that I've been meaning to post about for a while :

...what is the best source for finding out which charitable organizations are reputable? How did you know, for example, that Heifer.org actually does what they say they do?

This is really important. If we're dedicating ourselves to improving the lot of the poor around the world, then accountability is essential. I want to give to a reputable organization whose purposes are in line with mine. And I want it run by someone innovative and intelligent who listens to the poor and works WITH them to give them what they need. I want to support an organization with a superb track-record and a history of success, as well as one whose finances are cross checked by certifying agencies.

In short, I want my contribution to really do something, not just ease my conscience by assuring me that "At least I tried."

The best way to help the poor, of course, is to give of ourselves by volunteering. Soup kitchens, Goodwill, Meals on Wheels, visiting the sick or elderly or imprisoned...there are countless ways to serve the poor in every neighborhood. DoSomething.org has a volunteer page where you can enter your zip and find a list of volunteer opportunities right in your area. No need for accountability here; we know because we perform the acts ourselves.

But the poor aren't just in our own communities. Take the Poor with You really entails thinking about the global community, and many of our decisions have an impact that goes far beyond our immediate area, or even beyond the borders of our nation. Reading the stickers and tags on the goods I bring into my house reveals a diversity of geographical locations. Coffee from Kenya. Cotton from Egypt. Tea from India. Copper from Chile. Plastics from China. If my lifestyle and choices are impacting people all over the world, then I should help people all over the world, too.

And those in other countries are often deprived not only of the material goods we enjoy, but the philosophical blessings we take for granted: freedom, rule of law, education, the possibility of employment, the right to life, the right to worship, etc. I can't help them by myself; it takes a network of trained professionals just to reach the poor, let alone help them.

The good news is that there are many groups serving the world's poorest populations. The US alone has 1.3 million charitable organizations! Going back to Jen's question now: how can we know which ones are reputable? We've all read about organizations that diverted funds earmarked for a disaster to other programs, or worse, charities that turned out to be frauds. Responsible stewardship necessitates being careful about spending, even when we're not spending it on ourselves.

One place to start is with one of the many watchdog groups that rate charities and provide that information to the public. It's important to keep in mind, as this article states, that every watchdog group has its own criteria, and it may or may not be in line with your own. Moreover, the rules governing what a charity must disclose and how it must categorize it aren't hard and fast (with good reason: there are so many different charities and various ways of operating that it's nearly impossible to come up with a black and white set of rules that can apply to everyone.) So ratings change from year to year and watchdog to watchdog. Some of this confusion can be ameliorated by knowing what's most important to you in your charity: is it the source of income? Efficiency in response? Low percentage of administrative costs? Program effectiveness? etc etc.

One of the best watchdog/ratings sites is the American Institute of Philanthropy, which has a "Top Rated" list of organizations broken down into easily searchable categories. Charities must achieve a B+ or better on AIP's criteria to qualify for the list. Their full compilation of charities and ratings is only in print form, but for those of us who are inclined to buy one, a sample copy is only $3.

My favorite site is the American Council for Voluntary International Action (InterAction for short.) I worked there after college and learned to highly respect its efforts and ethics. InterAction aims to coordinate the efforts of US-based non-governmental organizations and advocate for an increase in global humanitarian aid. It ensures minimum standards for every one of their 160 members, many of whom are at the forefront of the humanitarian community. It's my quick-check: if an organization is a member of Interaction, it's legit, responsible and progressive.

InterAction is limited to organizations that focus on global humanitarian aid, but Charity Navigator lists and rates organizations of all kinds. You can search by category, name or rating, and save your favorites in My Charities. Their articles are worth perusing, and I found an interesting study that assessed giving trends by US city. Denver isn't doing so well!

If you prefer to do your own research, start at the Independent Sector, which has complied a list of standards so you can browse through and see exactly what sort of guidelines an organization (such as Catholic Charities) operates under. This site is especially helpful for those of us who care about the specifics of an organization's operations. As a Catholic, it's very important to me that the charity I assist does not act against the moral principles of my faith. In addition, IS's list of publications contains fascinating studies on giving and volunteering as well as recommendations for how charities can serve as more responsible stewards of the public's generosity.

Finally, Give.org has detailed financial, administrative and program information on every charitable organization that operates in the US. If you want to see the exact breakdown of a charity's income and expenses, this is the site. It's also enables you to rate charities on your own criteria, giving you access to much of the same information that the watchdog groups use.

Take heart! Despite the bad apples, many charities are responsible and do excellent work. With a little research and a discerning eye, we can feel confident that our money is being well spent.

Cars

This has been a difficult entry for me to write. I'm having trouble sorting out my personal hang-ups on this issue from the way God is using my conscience to guide me. But a bigger part is that I really don't know how you can possibly be responsible to the poor while buying a new car.

I hate cars, in general. They're money suckers that start to hemorrhage value the minute you drive them off the lot. Even the most reliable car still costs money every time you drive it, and between gas, insurance, repairs and parking fees, the entire proposition of car ownership requires a nearly constant payout. Beyond the dollar aspect, I have a natural disdain for things other people look at as status symbols. I'm blessed in this respect. Of all the crosses I bear and vices I struggle with, I'm lucky that at least I don't have to fight a desire to own several sporty, luxury cars and wheel them around town to impress people.

So it's understandable that when my husband first broached the subject of buying a new car, I was less than enthused. Moreover, we already HAD two cars -- a '98 Toyota Camry and an '02 Toyota Solara. I was driving the Camry very happily to the grocery store and my parents' house and the mall and church and school, etc. My two kids easily fit in the back. In fact, my whole family easily fit in the car, as did a week's worth of groceries and a stroller. But my husband couldn't adjust the driver's seat comfortably and still fit my daughter's backward-facing car seat behind him.

This, my friends, is where the breakdown occurred, and where my petty will prevented me from finding a way to make good come out of a bad situation. I didn't want a new car. I wanted to make do with the ones we had, or perhaps to keep the Camry and buy a used hybrid for my husband to drive to and from work. My husband was firmly for buying a bigger car that would give us the flexibility to take longer trips, especially since we now lived an hour away from our nearest relatives and would likely be taking weekend or longer trips in the car.

In a perfect world (and a perfect marriage) we would have discussed the options and come to a mutual conclusion that satisfied all our interests. Instead, I had a few reluctant conversations where I whined about not wanting a new car and my husband insisted that we needed one. In a perfect world, I would have researched and prayed until I found a car that met all my needs and satisfied my husband as well. Instead I crossed my arms and adopted a "Then let it be upon your head!" sort of attitude.

So I didn't get involved with researching and weighing our options. I didn't even speak a single word about it to God, not even to ask that He guide our decision. It's a classic example of my passive-aggressive tendencies. If I didn't get involved, then I could pretend that I didn't really buy a car, even though I was driving it every day. Yeah, it doesn't make sense to me, either, but there it is. This is, unfortunately, one of the crosses I bear: the tendency to procrastinate on things I don't want to do.

Had I been doing my research, I would have discovered the following:

1. Cars are useful things that can HELP you take the poor with you. One with ample trunk space enables you to shop garage sales for things like furniture and bicycles so you can buy used instead of wasting money and resources on new household items. One big enough to fit your whole family enables you to drive to Michigan to visit grandparents instead of flying there.

2. Unless you live in a major metropolitan area with excellent public transportation, you need a car. If you have more than two kids under the age of 12, in order to comply with car seat safety laws, you need a big car. On the scale of need to frivolous purchase, a car is firmly on the need side. What KIND of car you get can tip it over into frivolous, so the selection is what matters most.

3. It's not all about price. It's not all about fuel economy either. Obviously, price and size are going to the the primary factors that govern your decision, with fuel economy running close behind. Beyond the basics, there are host of other considerations: emissions, manufacturer's ethics, company philosophy and practices, recyclability of materials, reliability, longevity etc. The US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has a comparison site that lists all makes and models and gives their emissions rating and fuel economy. Keep in mind that there's more to an environmentally sound car than fuel efficiency. If you're interested in taking the poor with you, pay close attention to where and how the car is manufactured, especially considering the poor tend to live and work within breathing distance of factories or in countries that provide many of the raw materials used to make cars.

4. Dealerships will finance a used vehicle, usually one that has been returned at the end of a lease rather than optioned. The manufacturer's website should have a link to "certified used cars" which allows you to search for used vehicles in the make and year you're interested in online. In general, the same financing options that apply for a new car will apply to a used car, allowing you the flexibility to buy a used car without putting tens of thousands of dollars down. If you prefer to lease, there are companies that provide this service for used cars, too. While used is almost always better than new, be sure you find out the fuel economy of the newest model to see whether it has substantially improved and check recalls and safety improvements.

5. The web is a great tool. There are tons of sites where consumers rate the reliability of their cars (used and new!), so you can determine which make will likely last the longest as well as see specific information on the cars you're considering (repair estimates, recalls, problems, etc.) Cars ought to last a long time, long enough to see that toddler you're strapping into a car seat off to college if they're maintained properly and parts replaced when necessary. Google "car comparisons" or "consumer reviews auto" and get comfortable.

6. Keep an open mind. I went into the process DEAD SET AGAINST an SUV. I thought they were the heaviest, most expensive cars on the market. Not so. I thought they were all gas guzzlers with the worst fuel economies on the road. Nope. I thought they all drove like buses and were unsafe, prone to rollovers and catching on fire. Not all.

The outcome of our car search? As you can guess from all the links, we ended up with a 2007 Honda CR-V. It's a great car -- inexpensive, reliable, comfortable, roomy, sensible and everyone who owns one loves it. Including me. Despite my hatred for cars, I can't deny that it drives like a dream, gets great fuel economy for its size (25.7 mpg on the last tank) and (though this probably won't appeal to everyone) has a shelf in the trunk that's perfect for changing a baby's diaper when you're out and about. No need to lug that diaper bag into the store with you! Change in the parking lot before you enter. It's fantastic, though I think the fun will end abruptly come winter.

I've thought about an appropriate gift to the poor as a gesture of appreciation to God for the privilege of my new car. I'm considering giving a llama to a family in South America. Heifer International provides needed livestock to the poor under the charitable philosophy of "teach a man to fish, and you'll feed him for a lifetime. Just be sure you also give him a fishing rod." In addition to wool and milk, llamas provide transportation and can carry goods to market. And a whole llama only costs 0.7% of the car we're financing.

When it comes down to it, I'm not proud of the outcome. We should have gotten a used car, I think. But I can continue to take the poor with me by walking as much as possible (as I did to the library today, dragging a recalcitrant 4 year old along beside me) and combining errands into one trip. Whenever I drive , I can save gas and increase my mileage by following a few simple tips. And most importantly, I can drive my nice, new CR-V into the ground. When my 4 year old wants a car to take with him to Harvard, I can hand him the keys and say "Load it up, Sweets. That shelf in the back nearly doubles the trunk space!"