Monday, August 5, 2013

I have been in new-baby land, sleep deprived and overwhelmed, feeling like everything I do is falling short in one way or another. And I don't want to post about my struggles, because that's a downer. But I don't have much else to write about because I have no thoughts other than "Lord, I really need some fun in my life, please help me figure out how to get it." and "Oh crap I forgot to [insert task here]."

People are looking at my harried, tired expression as I push the double stroller containing a messy, mismatched toddler and a squalling infant who needs to be fed while my older kids follow behind, bickering. Some of them are holding doors open for me and saying things like, "You've got your hands full!" Others say nothing, but I feel they are thinking, "Yowza, I'm glad I'm not her."

And part of me feels like I need to tell them they're wrong, that my hands are not full, that anyone can handle four kids. I feel like I am a walking illustration for those Catholics who mock/reject Church teaching on NFP as burdensome and unattainable. I feel shame for not presenting the perfect, happy portrait of a mom with four children in the joy of young motherhood. I feel like I'm letting someone down...not sure's just there, hanging over me, like I should be better at this because I have a house cleaner and two babysitters and a husband who pitches in.

God always seems to send me balm when I am smarting. Today I read this post and wanted to share it with all of you:

Thank you, Abigail, for expressing this so nicely!


Daily Grace said...

I have four kids. They are grown now two of them have children of their own. Motherhood, though a precious gem and something that has blessed my life in so many unimaginable ways, can be a daunting task from time to time.
When we have newborns, toddlers and other little ones all rolled up together,(and sometimes they literally are all rolled up together) it's hard to find a groove at takes time.

I hope God sends you the balm you are looking for today.

Oh, and I read Abagail's post. She did express herself quite nicely.

Mary @ Better Than Eden said...

Oh Tienne! Congratulations on your beautiful son! He is so sweet. Those newborn days are so so hard and when you have more littles to care for...well, let's just say I know how you feel. I hope you get some rest and are feeling better very soon. Your family is beautiful!