Monday, December 3, 2007

Needless Anxiety

Fr. Mel said the homily today at Mass. He speaks very softly and can't seem to lean forward enough to get to the microphone. And since our church is undergoing construction and we're having daily Mass in the gym right next to the actual demolishing of the old church, I can't be sure I really heard everything he said. I definitely missed the punchline of his joke at the end of Mass, which must have been funny because everyone laughed but I had to drop something off at the office right afterwards so I wasn't able to ask anyone what he'd said.

Little things like that can be so annoying if I let them. I thought about the joke all the way to the car and while filling up my gas tank across the street. What could he have said? It was short enough to only be a few words..."That's what he always was?" "That's what he says, too?" "That's what we tell ourselves?" Urgh.

I just have to refocus my mind and stop dwelling on frustrating and useless things. That's good advice for other aspects of my life, too. I've been feeling particularly resentful lately about the limitations life has placed on me. Instead of thinking positively and waiting on God with hope, I've been giving in to despair and wondering why I should bother. Some good friends with the courage to speak truth have pulled me back on the right path.

Instead of harboring anger because I don't have the freedom to move forward on the adoption, I can focus my energies on being the best mother I can be. There's plenty of room for improvement, I assure you. Instead of bemoaning my husband's faults, I can dwell on his abundant good qualities and focus my energies establishing a deeper connection with him.

Today's Gospel told one of my favorite Bible stories, where Jesus heals the centurion's servant. This hedonistic Roman recognized the true power of God when many devout Jews of the time did not. He came to Jesus and made his request with complete confidence, knowing that as his household obeyed his every word, so too would the sickness obey Jesus.

My faith can take its cues from this example. Come to God with confidence that your request will be granted, for everything on earth, and above the earth, and below the earth knows that He is Lord. What have I to fear, then? We are all in His hands.

I suppose I can ask Fr. Mel tomorrow for the punchline of the joke, if I'm still wondering about it!

1 comment:

Kim said...

I couldn't find an email on your blog but wanted to tell you how much I have enjoyed reading. Very insightful!